Round 10: Tech Support!

Carlton v West Coast
Captain: This season continues to be a battle between the shit and the shitter. I mean, really, besides Geelong and St Kilda, would you be surprised if any other team missed the finals? You could show me a list of the other 14 teams in any order and tell me it’s the ladder and I’d believe you. Having said that, I reckon Carlton is a bit like Brad Haddin; monsters average bowling and gets found out against the top class. The flat-track bully Blues will win this one though, and I reckon Fev might just kick a bag for your Supercoach team.

Mrs Watson: I was just watching Channel Ten's Master Chef, and I realised during tonight's show that I hate the asshole in the hat more than I've ever hated anyone. Point Fev in the direction of his “beer restaurant” and have him urinate in the general direction of the kitchen. When the joke is over, have Chris Judd mop it up. Carlton.

Captain: Like Judd doesn’t have enough to do already.

Mrs Watson: Um....exactly.

Western Bulldogs v Sydney
Captain: The Dogs ran us pretty close Friday night but luckily Brad ‘slipknot’ Johnson was left in charge of finishing the job. The Dogs won the hardball and their small forward line was good for 17 goals. I don’t reckon the Cats were at their best, (more on that later) but it’s good enough for me.

Mrs Watson: Yeah, no brainer... Bulldogs. Captain, why do Sydney refuse to drop Michael O'Loughlin? What is he, like, 75 years old now? He's gone from being just ok, to being kinda shit, to being long in the tooth, to just now being rather invisible. Surely there's someone else playing in the Sydney reserves who's pretty good at doing nothing. Is Henry Playfair still an option? Will we ever stop hanging shit on Henry Playfair? When will these questions stop? Now? Yes.

North Melbourne v Brisbane
Captain: You know what, Brisbane look alright! Vossy can coach; who knew? Plus, North Melbourne are garbage. You know what else, my Dad has a weird thing for ‘Micky Magic’, but then again, he also has a weird thing for Gordon Lightfoot, Nigella Lawson and that old guy who used to play Lenny on Law & Order. Plus, I don't think he knows who Henry Playfair is. So getting back to your original query, I have no bloody idea what I’m talking about.

Mrs Watson: I don't know whether Brisbane's relative mediocrity this year equates to Vossy being a good coach. I would expect a list like his to do exactly what it's been doing: winning at home sometimes. This shouldn't be a problem though.

Fremantle v Richmond
Captain: Do you think this is the week that Terry finally snaps and starts wearing a mask and wandering around the WACA like Tom Cruise wandering around a deserted Manhattan in Vanilla Sky? Open your eyes, Terry, you’re a knob. Fremantle.

Mrs Watson: I'm going to tip Richmond, because let's face it, one of these teams lost to North Melbourne last week, and the other did not make that mistake.

St Kilda v Melbourne
Captain: So, this season I’m adding the Saints to my “never tip Richmond” and “always tip Geelong” corollaries. Here it is: “Always tip St Kilda until they play Geelong and then we’ll see”. Sure, it’s a half-assed rule, but you gotta admit, Mrs W, they look pretty darn good.

Mrs Watson: Wow, don't go out on a limb or anything there, Captain. Always tip the two teams that haven't lost yet, until they play each other? You make me sick. Sorry, that was harsh. I'm at work... it's making me tense. St Kilda.

Captain: Yeah, that was kinda tongue in cheek, but I’ll let it slide; I understand the pressure you’re under, doing, well, whatever the hell it is you do, but tipping Richmond and then questioning my choices is more than throwing stones from a glass house; it’s like flicking matches from a paper mache boat, floating in lake of petrol... Or some such thing. Where were we?

Adelaide v Hawthorn
Mrs. Watson: Like I said last week, I refuse to comment on Adelaide games.

Captain: Hmm. I can’ tip Adelaide on exposed form, but they always seem to go alright against the Hawks. I’m just saying… Ah fuck it, I've said it now. Adelaide.

Essendon v Geelong
Mrs Watson: I never envy the team that has to play Geelong the week after they're nearly beaten, but I wouldn't be surprised in Essendon push the Cats. This smells like one of those games where that Essendon player you've never heard of kicks 5 goals on Andrew Mackie, while Trunks does what he likes, poncing about the wings ala Adam Goodes. I can see it now. Another scary victory.

Captain: Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. And while Andrew Mackie is about as loose as an Amish kid on rumspringer, take it from a Supercoach owner, he hasn’t exactly been tearing it up the other way either. (You’re on fucking notice, Muscles!) Anyway, my theory about the Cats is as follows: Because they played all the way through September they started their pre-season late… which means they’re essentially just finishing it up now… therefore they’re a little tired and seemingly behind teams like St Kilda… and as a result are ripe for the beating around this time of year. Oh, and that hiding that Collingwood gave us last year was in Round 9. So, that a decent bit of rationalising, or what?

Collingwood v Port Adelaide
Mrs Watson: Decent? Yes. But can you rationalise Collingwood winning this one? I can.

Captain: Ooh, a tricky one! Wait, no it’s not. The Collingwood players quit on Mick Malthouse months ago, Port. Oh and before we go, this week’s euphemism, “Giving the full-back a chop-out”.


Captain: Carl, WB, Bris, Freo, StK, Adel, Geel, PA.
Season Tally: 54-18

Mrs Watson: Carl, WB, Bris, Rich, StK, Haw, Geel, Coll.
Season Tally: 42-30

Julia Gillard has had some styling work done.
Season Tally: 44-28