Round 5: It's not your fault, Mrs Watson
Port Adelaide v St Kilda
Captain: Yes, the Saints have delivered a couple of floggings, but let’s go over those wins a little more closely, shall we? They just got over Sydney in round one, beat Adelaide at AAMI in round two (admittedly a good win) and then towelled up West Coast and Freo at the dome. Is that really the stuff of premiers, Robert Walls? Does that really make Dal Santo as good as Yablett, James Hird? Seriously Mrs W, what kind of asshole believes the hype?
Mrs Watson: Probably the same assholes that wear denim shorts or buy Evermore records. That's some confusing shit. You're right: there's nothing impressive about thrashing West Coast or Fremantle, but this game could go either way. Saints in a close one.
Essendon v Collingwood
Captain: The ANZAC day tradition continues, minus one key detail: Where’s my fucking public holiday? Sure, the day itself falls on a Saturday, but that’s never stopped us before, just pay it on the Monday! Sheesh! This is something we really need to take up with Julia Gillard otherwise I’m likely to rant about it for the rest of this blog.
Mrs Watson: Chill the fuck out, Captain. Essendon or Collingwood?
Captain: Ummm, Magpies. And just so you know, at this point I’m using a complex mathematical formula pioneered by Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting to pick my winners. I got five last week, by the way, including The Demons. How did you go?
Mrs. Watson: Let's just say that I didn't get them all right, and leave it at that. I think it's cause I'm using the Ben Affleck formula. Collingwood. Easily.
Hawthorn v West Coast
Captain: Speaking of downhill careers, good to see Daniel Kerr is still alive and kicking. And did the Eagles stuff Peter Sumich into a jumper last week or what? They finally found a forward line. But Hawthorn can’t lose again, can they?
Mrs Watson: Probably not this week. But if they keep pissing and moaning about injuries, they just might lose themselves another one. Seriously, if they can't get close to Port Adelaide with Franklin, Hodge and Mitchell, you've got bigger troubles than injuries to your third strings. West Coast have surprised a few this year, so I'd give them a chance at home... but not in Melbourne. Hawks.
Fremantle v Sydney
Captain: Ahh, West Richmond, added to my 'never tip' list about 3 years ago and still paying dividends. Interesting to see Gary ‘Pedro the’ Lyon suggested Pavlich might be better off leaving and may find a home at the Cats! I’d imagine you might collapse if The Pav ever made his way to G-troit.
Mrs Watson: Dude, if the Pav played for Geelong I would lose my shit. But having said that, if it meant Gablett had to play for the Gold Coast, I'd pack my shit up, take a plane to Coolangatta and get a job scrubbing canal scum off some rich prick's boat - just to watch Jnr play on weekends. Sydney.
North Melbourne v Richmond
Captain: On that note, and as the imminent, four-years-in-the-making sacking is almost upon us, I’m going with Chris Jackson’s suggestion for this week’s euphemism: ‘Taking a Terry’. It’s short, catchy, accurate and goddamn it that I didn’t think of it! Hats off, Chris Jackson, wherever you are and whichever one you are. We got a winner, Mrs Watto?
Mrs Watson: Daniel Wells and his pie are looking pretty good this week. But let's not just sack Terry Wallace, let's close the whole freakin' operation down, shall we? It's just not working. Let's move on.
Geelong v Brisbane
Captain: I’d like your thoughts on the Cats this week, Mrs W. Plenty of injuries, which isn’t being talked about, 4-0 and yet to put it together for four quarters. You like what you see?
Mrs Watson: Kinda...it reminds me of last year, actually. Winning ugly until Round 10 and then BAM! we're unstoppable. But, to be honest, if you had a time machine, and you went to the future by somehow utilising this time machine, and then you told me that Geelong were to play in this year's Grand Final, I couldn't really care less about the next 18 rounds of football. 2008 taught me that you can lose to Richmond, then win a Grand Final four weeks later. So do I like what I see? Who knows. Cats.
Captain: (And that, Ladies & Gentleman, is why we wanted Mrs Watson back. Actually, screw it; take this thing the rest of the way, W!)
Western Bulldogs v Carlton
Mrs Watson: There's nothing more satisfying than bursting a blister, and the Carlton puss was well and truly extracted last week. I have no idea how the Bulldogs lost last week, but I don't expect it to happen again this week. At least I hope not... my Supercoach team is starting to very much resemble the entire Bulldogs side. Geez... why do I bother... each… and every... season...
Melbourne v Adelaide:
Mrs Watson: This game is game is an insult to my intelligence. Melbourne. I mean...Adelaide.
Captain: StK, Coll, Haw, Syd, NM, Geel, WB, Adel
Season Tally: 23-9
Mrs Watson: StK, Coll, Haw, Syd, NM, Geel, WB, Adel
Season Tally: 15-17
Julia Gillard owes me a public holiday and $900.
Season Tally: 20-12
Port Adelaide v St KildaCaptain: Yes, the Saints have delivered a couple of floggings, but let’s go over those wins a little more closely, shall we? They just got over Sydney in round one, beat Adelaide at AAMI in round two (admittedly a good win) and then towelled up West Coast and Freo at the dome. Is that really the stuff of premiers, Robert Walls? Does that really make Dal Santo as good as Yablett, James Hird? Seriously Mrs W, what kind of asshole believes the hype?
Mrs Watson: Probably the same assholes that wear denim shorts or buy Evermore records. That's some confusing shit. You're right: there's nothing impressive about thrashing West Coast or Fremantle, but this game could go either way. Saints in a close one.
Essendon v Collingwood
Captain: The ANZAC day tradition continues, minus one key detail: Where’s my fucking public holiday? Sure, the day itself falls on a Saturday, but that’s never stopped us before, just pay it on the Monday! Sheesh! This is something we really need to take up with Julia Gillard otherwise I’m likely to rant about it for the rest of this blog.
Mrs Watson: Chill the fuck out, Captain. Essendon or Collingwood?
Captain: Ummm, Magpies. And just so you know, at this point I’m using a complex mathematical formula pioneered by Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting to pick my winners. I got five last week, by the way, including The Demons. How did you go?
Mrs. Watson: Let's just say that I didn't get them all right, and leave it at that. I think it's cause I'm using the Ben Affleck formula. Collingwood. Easily.
Hawthorn v West Coast
Captain: Speaking of downhill careers, good to see Daniel Kerr is still alive and kicking. And did the Eagles stuff Peter Sumich into a jumper last week or what? They finally found a forward line. But Hawthorn can’t lose again, can they?
Mrs Watson: Probably not this week. But if they keep pissing and moaning about injuries, they just might lose themselves another one. Seriously, if they can't get close to Port Adelaide with Franklin, Hodge and Mitchell, you've got bigger troubles than injuries to your third strings. West Coast have surprised a few this year, so I'd give them a chance at home... but not in Melbourne. Hawks.
Fremantle v Sydney
Captain: Ahh, West Richmond, added to my 'never tip' list about 3 years ago and still paying dividends. Interesting to see Gary ‘Pedro the’ Lyon suggested Pavlich might be better off leaving and may find a home at the Cats! I’d imagine you might collapse if The Pav ever made his way to G-troit.
Mrs Watson: Dude, if the Pav played for Geelong I would lose my shit. But having said that, if it meant Gablett had to play for the Gold Coast, I'd pack my shit up, take a plane to Coolangatta and get a job scrubbing canal scum off some rich prick's boat - just to watch Jnr play on weekends. Sydney.
North Melbourne v Richmond
Captain: On that note, and as the imminent, four-years-in-the-making sacking is almost upon us, I’m going with Chris Jackson’s suggestion for this week’s euphemism: ‘Taking a Terry’. It’s short, catchy, accurate and goddamn it that I didn’t think of it! Hats off, Chris Jackson, wherever you are and whichever one you are. We got a winner, Mrs Watto?
Mrs Watson: Daniel Wells and his pie are looking pretty good this week. But let's not just sack Terry Wallace, let's close the whole freakin' operation down, shall we? It's just not working. Let's move on.
Geelong v Brisbane
Captain: I’d like your thoughts on the Cats this week, Mrs W. Plenty of injuries, which isn’t being talked about, 4-0 and yet to put it together for four quarters. You like what you see?
Mrs Watson: Kinda...it reminds me of last year, actually. Winning ugly until Round 10 and then BAM! we're unstoppable. But, to be honest, if you had a time machine, and you went to the future by somehow utilising this time machine, and then you told me that Geelong were to play in this year's Grand Final, I couldn't really care less about the next 18 rounds of football. 2008 taught me that you can lose to Richmond, then win a Grand Final four weeks later. So do I like what I see? Who knows. Cats.
Captain: (And that, Ladies & Gentleman, is why we wanted Mrs Watson back. Actually, screw it; take this thing the rest of the way, W!)
Western Bulldogs v Carlton
Mrs Watson: There's nothing more satisfying than bursting a blister, and the Carlton puss was well and truly extracted last week. I have no idea how the Bulldogs lost last week, but I don't expect it to happen again this week. At least I hope not... my Supercoach team is starting to very much resemble the entire Bulldogs side. Geez... why do I bother... each… and every... season...
Melbourne v Adelaide:
Mrs Watson: This game is game is an insult to my intelligence. Melbourne. I mean...Adelaide.
Captain: StK, Coll, Haw, Syd, NM, Geel, WB, Adel
Season Tally: 23-9
Mrs Watson: StK, Coll, Haw, Syd, NM, Geel, WB, Adel
Season Tally: 15-17
Julia Gillard owes me a public holiday and $900.
Season Tally: 20-12
posted by the captain at 8:04 pm
1 Comments:
Has anyone seen the odds for the match this week? Geelong $1.10, Brisbane $7.00. Seven Bucks in a 2 horse race, You'd think the Baby Jesus had 46 disposals last week... wait - he did.
'Pushing Out a Brian Taylor'
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