Round 3: Better Late Than Never

Geelong v Collinwood
Captain: Is last week what you’d call “falling over the line”? Richmond, of all teams, getting that close, at KP… Gaz and Dog Johnson stepped up in the 4th quarter but the Cats seemed out of run. Plus, your BFF Mark Blake continues to disappoint. Any ideas on what’s going wrong and what might go right?

Mrs. Watson: Ease up on Blake. As far as I'm concerned, while Johnson may have stepped up in the final term, his failure to hussle and his general lack of forward pressure in the first three probably played a part in keeping Richmond within striking distance. He was looking fairly pathetic there for a while. I can't really tip Geelong against Collingwood based on last weeks lacklustre performance, but Collingwood don't look great either. I'll go with the TAB. Cats. Hey, do we know how many winners Gillard tipped last week?

Captain: I did like Lips’ 4th quarter plan of “Dog Johnson in the F50, everyone else get the fuck out of the way”, however. As for Blake, I’ll just say I’m looking forward to the Trent “Go” West era, although Shannon Byrnes has also been named as he continues to ransom Lips’ children. Jules got five, which, might I add, was one more than you.

St Kilda v West Coast
Mrs. Watson: Godamn!! Did she pick West Coast to beat Port? Cause if she did, it means she knows nothing. St Kilda easily this week. Captain, can you tell me the exact moment when “Allegedly” Montagna got good? I fell asleep and he was getting 5 touches a game. When I woke up, people were calling him a “midfielder”. Am I still asleep?

Captain: It’s possible, but Wallsy did write his annual “St Kilda could challenge for a flag” article. And I when I say he wrote it, I mean he dusted off the one he’s written each of the past 6 seasons and just deleted the 150 words slamming Grant Thomas. Speaking of Walnut, I hear his nuttiness is beginning to take over Footy Classified. Good times.

Mrs. Watson: Walnut is awesome.

Brisbane v Sydney
Captain: Ummmmmmm… Sydney. Sorry, just had to shake the magic eight-ball.

Mrs. Watson: I'm betting against your eight-ball, because it once told me it liked fucking with you. Brisbane.

Carlton v Essendon
Captain: Say Mrs W, speaking of betting, have you got that 900 bones our fellow tipster Ms Gillard has promised us? Would it be stimulating enough to the economy if we put it all on Carlton here?

Mrs Watson: I think this is exactly the kind of thing she'd like us to do with our $900. But, I'm putting $225 on Carlton to win, and the change on Matthew Lloyd to do fuck all while wearing oversized shorts. Carlton will shit this in.

Port Adelaide v Melbourne
Captain: Melbourne is going to get beaten like Nathan Jones’s Dad. Let’s just move on, shall we?

North Melbourne v Hawthorn
Captain: Is it possible the Hawks start 0-3? Could Alistair Clarkson’s head get any redder? I doubt it, on both accounts. On a side note, let’s parlay our winnings from the Trunks Lloyd bet into a “Matthew Egan / Trent Croad never to play again” double.

Mrs. Watson: What’s the problem with this North Melbourne rubber chicken video? I haven’t seen it myself (only bits and pieces), but all I have to go on is John Barnes’ description of the clip: “The video pictured a rubber chicken with a condom on its head performing sex acts on an uncooked chicken carcass. The carcass was then thrown into a wall and run over with a car tyre.” This video sounds hilarious!! I mean, the concept seems a little bizarre, sure, but is anyone really surprised that this weird shit goes on? Do we really have to watch these douche bags apologise for making a sexually explicit short film starring a rubber chicken? A RUBBER CHICKEN!!!? Jesus, who cares? I bet John Barnes has done some lewd shit in his time, too. That guy has “suss” written all over him. Enough. Kangaroos.

Fremantle v Adelaide
Captain: John Barnes has got a column now? Are we sure it isn’t ghost written, like ‘Crackers’ Keenan’s was? Now there are a couple of intellectual giants, but wait, they’ve got a sliver of a profile, so let’s give them a column. And while we’re at it, here comes The Age to give Gary Lyon 800 words and another outlet to continue blathering his toothless bullshit. The game? Freo will get beaten like Nathan Bock’s girlfriend.

Mrs Watson: Adelaide. Adelaide. Adelaide. No doubt. By the way, am I the only one absolutely loving the demise of Mark Harvey? I mean, I’m enjoying this more than I enjoyed the demise of Chris Connelly, or Jeff Farmer even. Do they even televise Fremantle games anymore?

Captain: For some reason I always envisage Mark Harvey on a TV quiz show, staring blankly into space as the host reels off questions after question. I guess that’s not a good thing for the Dockers.

Western Bulldogs v Richmond
Captain: Do we need to say anything here? I will now watch the Petrol Boy eight times in a row. I’m not even kidding.

Mrs. Watson: Waaaaaaay ahead of you.


Captain: Geel, StK, Syd, Carl, Port, Haw, Adel, WB
Season Tally: 12-4
Mrs W: Geel, StK, Bris, Carl, Port, NM, Adel, WB
Season Tally: 7-9
Julia Gillard: Geel, StK, Bris, Carl, Port, Haw, Adel, WB
Season Tally: 10-6