Keeping Your Nose Clean (How Not to)

This summer I’ve attempted more blogs than Andrew Lovett has sex crimes (allegedly), and every time I have either gotten stuck, or realised that, “Hey, that’s just not that interesting or funny or insightful or even legible.” (I was going through some old notebooks recently and found three full pages of drunken ramblings that look like someone was trying to get the ink flowing again in a pen.) Not even Shane “Shame” Watson morphing into Jacque Kallis was enough to rouse me from my slumber. But on a scale of 1-to-10, of “things I should probably write a blog about”, Matthew Stokes trafficking cocaine comes in at about a 48. (By the way, apologies for the title that sounds like a Radiohead song.)

Here’s a rundown of my rambling thought process immediately after Mrs Watson emailed me the news on Wednesday:

The police don’t usually charge someone unless they know they can get a conviction… I wonder if any other players are involved… How much coke was he actually doing? Are we talking a NYE bump or two, or Lindsay Lohan circa 2008...? Frank Costa will sack Stokes… Sack is a funny word… I wonder how the club will handle this… Will Demetriou get involved…? Will Stokes play the addiction card? Will someone else play the race card…? The girl who played Velma in the Scooby-Doo movie had a nice rack… How much salary cap space will it save us if he’s in prison…? The Geelong Advertiser is going to cover this like it’s the Cuban missile crisis… The Mentalist is getting more ridiculous every week… How should Geelong supporters feel about this? How do I feel about this? Shit, what do I write about this?!

(By the way, where does “having a Cuban drug-dealer moustache on the day you’re arrested on drug charges” rank in terms of inappropriate coincidences; below or above wearing a Gary Glitter t-shirt to a grade 6 calisthenics show? Seriously, he looks like he’s auditioning for ‘Underbelly 4: Lamby’s Revenge’.)

As usual, I needed the steady hand of Mrs Watson to guide me through the sea of questions, self-doubt and C-grade movies. Here’s his take:

“The fact that this useless prick keeps getting referred to as a "Premiership Forward" is the most annoying thing about this story. Sack him, let's move on.”

And that’s probably all there needs to be to it. (Ah Mrs Watson, if only the rest of the world possessed your cold pragmatism.)

However, in this current environment, we all know the modern media are ready to jump on this and fuck it to death like an untrained Labrador. Hell, they’re already halfway up your leg. And when this happens, a relatively small criminal matter becomes a national litmus test for anybody with any kind of public voice.

So before Barnaby Joyce or Tony Abbot or anyone at all with any kind of tenuous link to the Catholic Church starts telling us all about all our problems, allow me to get in first. (Speaking of which, do we know what Dawn Fraser thinks of all this? Really, she hasn’t said anything? Are we sure she’s still alive?)

Taking the initial police reports (and Stokes’ story) at face value, trafficking seems like an overblown charge for such a small amount of cocaine (especially on-sold at cost price. But, whatever). Nonetheless, Stokes, it would appear, is guilty of something. Is he more naive 25-year old than connected drug groupie? Probably. Being somewhat in the media spotlight, should he have known better? Yes. Is the charge a little trumped up because he has a profile? Of course it is.

This is not a sign of a “drug problem” in AFL clubs. It’s not an AFL player thinking he’s above the law. It’s not about rehabilitation, education and/or the eternally vague, “support”. It’s about a guy, who once played forward pocket quite well, who bought some drugs. So let’s treat it and punish for what it is, not what talking heads with obvious agendas may twist and fit it to be.

Lots of people buy drugs and use drugs and get caught by police with drugs and lose their jobs because of drugs. Now Stokes is probably going to lose his.

Let’s not lose our heads (or any sleep) over it.

And besides, look at bright side; how’s the form of Shane Watson!

Room With a View

Summer changes the way we live. The days are longer, the nights are warmer and other various Meatloaf-type lyrics. And, usually, the change from football to cricket is made. However, with a boring, star-less Australian cricket team (infuriatingly selected, but we’ll save that for later in the summer), lacklustre opponents and a bloated, largely meaningless schedule of matches, AFL activity in the off-season is increasingly being monitored as closely as in June or July. Just what you’re looking for, however, depends on where you’re looking from.

In the week’s leading up to Geelong’s 2007 finals campaign I was telling myself that I’d happily trade away any future success for just one flag: Just seal the deal this year, Cats, and you can mail in the next decade. Win this and you get the Tim Rogers free pass; you can write as many average songs about getting old and drinking with your buddies as you want and I’ll still defend you because you once gave me Hi-Fi Way and Hourly Daily.

And so with that in mind I made my own deal with the Devil, or God, or Tim Rogers for that matter, and then watched as the Cats delivered their Berlin Chair moment; a classic asshat, if ever there was one. I could, as they say, finally die happy.

2008 rolled around and I was staying aloof about The Cats back-to-back tilt. I convinced myself that this was due to me upholding my end of the bargain, but really, it was because any sort of conviction was unnecessary; I could keep my cool because no-one could get near them. And they looked a certainty to do the business again in September.

But, without sounding too trite about it, there are no certainties in anything. And getting so close and blowing it only fuelled the fire. The Cats needed another one. I needed another one. So in 2009, I made the same deal. And here we are.

The off-season is ultimately, a time of optimism. All teams are equal again and, at least until a ball is bounced, nothing can be made but progress. From here until March the now dwarfed sports section will contain innumerable stories of Player X training the house down, Player Y looking ahead to a fresh start and Player Z who has added 5-10kg of muscle. These are stories of hope.

But with the Cats’ legacy now rightfully secured as one of the greatest teams of all-time (that’s not hyperbole, that’s historically accurate) one is afforded a sense of perspective, a certain magnanimity, a view from the summit, if you will.

Instead of worrying about how to fix the malfunctioning forward line we can instead look to the future of Hatchet Hawkins with confidence. Instead of fretting about the unfortunate waste of Matthew Egan’s career the focus shifts to appreciating Handsome Harry Taylor, the best CHB in the league (seriously, name me one better). Rather than express concern for our slow and ageing backline we can farewell our Skipper in style and look forward to see who steps up to fill his spot. And instead of praying that my team trades for Barry Hall, or finds a washed up ruckman to recycle, or picks up Luke Ball and his Styrofoam groins, or wonder who the skinny kid from South Australian school footy is that we just drafted, I can relax, confident in the knowledge that it will work itself out; that it has already worked itself out.

I am now at peace with my deal with the Devil/Tim Rogers. And as such, so it is that I can look to the future, not with rabid desperation, or blind hope, but with a satisfied mind and a mild curiosity at best.

The view’s a bit different from the top, isn’t it?

Off-Season Summary

Out:
Tom Harley (retired)
Tom will probably go down as Geelong’s greatest ever captain, despite his influence always seemingly being more intangible than purely his on-field work. As an outsider it’s difficult to judge these effects but the results are largely impressive: The Cats went from a lazy, underachieving collection of individuals to the ultimate selfless team. His play had dropped off the past couple of years (injury also took its toll) but at his best no-one played the ‘third-man-up’ role any better, in fact, he probably deserves some credit for inventing it.

David Johnson (retired)
I always liked David Johnson. Sure, he’d do the occasional bone-headed thing like unnecessarily fly into a pack and spoil his team-mates leaving his opponent to wander in to an open goal, but he was a scrapper. Plus, he used to come in to the team once a year and beat Jason Akermanis.

Shane Mumford (traded, in exchange for pick 28)
Let’s be honest about Shane Mumford for a minute: Dean frickin’ Cox he aint. And while his effort in the contest was admirable, the rest of his work was probably below par. It’s never a good sign when the best thing you can say about a player is “He’s really trying!” Getting a 2nd round draft pick for him was a great result. Sydney paid way over the odds, I mean, anytime you can get and an 18-game player only one year removed from weighing more than Kirstey Alley for a million dollars, well, you gotta do it.

Kane Tenace (de-listed)
Ah, Tenace; so much promise, so many nicknames and yet so precious few good games of senior football. The coaches obviously saw something in him as he was given chance after chance. A possible rookie candidate for another club.

Matthew Egan (de-listed; long-term injury)
Without going too far down this sorry path again, it’s good to hear that after 18 surgeries Matthew can use the clutch again.

Scott Simpson (de-listed)
Injury-plagued key position prospect who ran out of time. Has nominated for pre-season/rookie drafts.

Dan McKenna (de-listed)
See above.

Adam Donohue (de-listed)
Father/Son recruit who didn’t work out. See also: Woolnough, Mark.

Bryn Weadon (rookie list, not elevated)
I think he’s still straining with Geelong in the hope of being re-drafted.

Brodie Moles (rookie list, not elevated)
See above.

In:
Marcus Drum (Traded for in exchange for pick 49)
A fairly cheap gamble for a good-sized utility still under the age of 23 with some AFL experience. The scouting report on him early was that he has excellent skills and a good footy brain but not necessarily the size/strength/speed combo to be an elite player, which pretty much sounds like the rest of our backline. Mrs Watson mentioned to me that he reckons the Geelong backline system makes it easier for guys like this to succeed.

Daniel Menzel (Pick No. 17: Central Districts, 18, 185cm, 77kg)
After watching a few videos I’m convinced this is Andrew Mackie (all the footage I saw was of him playing in defence). He was often drifting back by himself (having read the play and run hard off his man) to take a mark or help turn a contest. Made good decisions and seems to have excellent disposal. He often switched play to a more attacking part of the ground, even though this was sometimes a high risk/reward type move, but he trusted his leg and regularly cleared the congestion/trouble to find an open man 55m away. Sound familiar?

Mitchell Duncan (Pick No. 28: East Perth, 18, 187cm, 82kg)
I also watched some video of this bloke and didn’t come away as impressed, to be honest. The term utility is often used to describe him, although he seemed to do his best work around half-forward. He seems to do everything pretty well but nothing that really stands out; decent height but not tall, quick enough but not fast, good skills but not elite, etc. Andrew Embley has been used as a point of comparison but I’d go with something like Steve Johnson without the tricks or Mitch Morton with a heart-beat. He is highly rated, however, and also held his own in seniors this year.

(Now let’s see if I can get this right: Geelong got involved in the Josh Gibson deal, meaning they essentially traded pick 33 for picks 40, 42, and 56. This probably made them feel better about giving up pick 49 for Drum, considering their last pick [65] was always going to be used to promote a rookie.)

Allen Christensen (Pick No. 40: Geelong Falcons, 18, 176cm, 75kg)
Christensen, rated by most prior to the draft as a top 20 pick, is apparently a smart, inside midfielder who is clever around stoppages and up forward. I watched some highlights and he reminds me of Matthew Stokes, you know, back when he was awesome.

Nathan Vardy (Pick No. 42: Gippsland Power, 18, 198cm, 89kg)
Vardy was another tipped to go top 20 and was the top-rated ruckman. He was injured at the draft camp and so was never tested but he seems to have pretty good vertical and knows how to help his crumbers out; taps to advantage in ruck contests seem to be his main asset. He also seems pretty agile and coordinated for a big bastard, so kinda like the anti-Blake. Good value here, you’d reckon.

Josh Cowan (Pick No. 56: North Ballarat, 18, 183cm, 71kg)
Simon Hogan 2.0

Jeremy Laidler (Pick No. 65: Promoted rookie)
A rookie-listed half-back-flank-type (that’s way too many hyphens) promoted to the senior list, and rightfully so. He looks the goods running out of defence, providing carry and support as well as the typical negating work that is required. He appears to me as a Milburn-Mackie-Harley hybrid, and will find his spot soon enough.

(Anyone with any info/opinions on the draftees, please share in the comments)