Round 8: Terry Returns to TV

Fremantle v Hawthorn
Captain: Before we start, let me gloat, just a little, about my incredible tipping performance thus far; 40-16, at an average of 5.7 winners a round, as good as money in the bank. And, having said that, I continue to tip Hawthorn, despite them mailing in so many performances that training this week is being conducted by Charlie Sheen. Have I been scarred/fooled by last year?

Mrs Watson: Yes, but who hasn't? I mean, I'm going to tip them again this week despite that fact that I'm absolutely certain they'll lose.

Captain: I think this is what it feels like to be a Richmond supporter.

Melbourne v Western Bulldogs
Captain: Strange season thus far; two really good teams, two awful teams and a lot of average ones. The Dogs have a chance to move up to the good category while the Dees are in weekly danger of losing their rightful No. 1 draft pick to Richmond, who, if they get it, would probably do something ridiculous with it anyway, like draft Kent Kingsley. Oh wait, they already did that.

Mrs Watson: Of course Bulldogs are going to win this. But there's a difference between being a good side and looking like a good side – and beating Melbourne can make any team “look” like a good side. As can beating North Melbourne, Fremantle and West Coast.

Captain: Therefore, conversely, losing to Melbourne can make you look like an asshole. Hey, I’m 3-for-3 on game previews and Richmond insults!

Geelong v North Melbourne
Captain: I’ve missed the past couple of Geelong games, Mrs W, having been reduced to watching highlights on the AFL’s clunky website and listening to SEN’s vanilla commentary. But from the little I’ve seen, heard and read, The Cats are winding up nicely. Any thoughts to share on the Sydney game? How was the KP outer?

Mrs Watson: To be honest...the outer has been a little lacklustre of late. I put it down to the fact that everyone there is 100% sure that Geelong will win. It makes for a stale-ish atmosphere, but I can't have it both ways, I guess. It's still the only ground where you can piss over the back of the stand and gladly assume it's going to hit someone. Cats.

Captain: It is a strange feeling, being a Cats fan at the moment. It’s a bit like following the Australian cricket team a few years ago, when they were handing everybody their asses, inexplicably lost the Ashes to an England team who played out of their minds, and then went back to dishing out ass-whippings. The Cats, winning 48 out the last 51, have just been incredible. I don’t know how much better a football team can get, really. Oh, Geelong will win.

Brisbane v Adelaide
Mrs Watson: Brisbane at home. Is it just me, or are the Crows the epitome of beige? I'm not going to write anything about Adelaide games for the rest of the season.

Captain: I blame Neil Craig and that hideous, hideous city. But wait! I think I’m having one of my trademark funny feelings… Crows to win due to the giddiness of being out of that South Australian Hellhole, if only for the night.

Sydney v West Coast
Captain: Sydney will win. Oh, and Adam Hunter is apparently hanging up the mullet. Since I have nothing else, here’s two long over due taking-a-dump euphemisms: “Attending the Coburg match committee meeting”, and, “prosecuting Rex Hunt”.

Mrs Watson: Yeah, Syders. Wait...Adam Hunter is hanging up the mullet? Did the Ice run out?

Captain: The ice ran out a looooooooong time ago for the Eagles whose next big hope is a Fijian kid with injury problems and a bowl haircut. Not good times.

Port Adelaide v Richmond
Captain: And speaking of coaches in deep shit, I reckon Choco Williams could be right behind Terry Terrific in sniffing around Channel 7’s sphincter for a job next year. And the only way that “could” turns into a “is definitely” is if Port lose to Richmond at home. Power, easily.

Mrs Watson: Agreed. But I'm trying to imagine some of Wallace's expert comments if he gets a gig next to Bruce next year... “{Insert Team Name Here} should really flood in this situation...they should have selected Tambling...let's cross to me at a press conference.”

Captain: Dear God, he’d be unstoppable! Here’s my idea for a footy panel show next year: A ‘musical chairs’ type of set-up where Wallace, Grant Thomas, Blighty, Choco Williams and David Schwarz all make ridiculous statements while Hutchy is trying to deliver serious news about Brendan Fevola’s new boot sponsorship. Wait, we might have another entrant on our hands…

Collingwood v Carlton
Captain: Seriously, the players have completely given up on Mick Malthouse to the point that he’s taking consolatory phone calls from Brendan Nelson. Blues to bounce back.

Mrs Watson: Blues? Magpies. Blues? Magpies. Blues? Magpies. Magpies? Blues. Magpies? Blues. Blues? Yes...Blues. Magpies? No. Blues. Blues.

StKilda v Essendon
Captain: Saints look pretty darn good. Should we be worried yet?

Mrs Watson: I'm going to bed. Saints.


Captain: Haw, WB, Gee, Adel, Syd, Port, Carl, Stk
Season Tally: 40-16

Mrs Watson: Haw, WB, Gee, Bris, Syd, Port, Carl, Stk
Season Tally: 30-26

Julia Gillard did not sleep with Matthew Johns.
Season Tally: 33-23