Round 7: Poetry in Motion
Essendon v Hawthorn
Mrs. Watson: Hawthorn.
Captain: You’re not even trying, are you? You know, I feel a bit ripped off that after their shaky start, Hawthorn are only 3-3; 1-5 would have been so much more fitting for the Steven Bradbury memorial premiers. And now they’re getting a walk-over against an even shakier team that are fast turning into Richmond 2.0 thanks to the appointment of that lazy-eyed, albino coach who probably has the worst win/loss record of any 200-game AFL player. Where’s the justice?
Richmond v Brisbane
Mrs Watson:
Richmond will lose.
I will wager my own pants,
That Richo won’t return
Captain: Is that Haiku? You’ve been watching too much Walnut, but you're right; it doesn’t look good for the ‘cho. Should we be surprised? Terry Terrific moved him from the goal square to the wing at age 35, I mean, what were they expecting? Just merge already, Richmond, faaaaaaaark.
Geelong v Sydney
Captain: Do Sydney still make you nervous, Mrs W? I remember when the mere sight of those candy-stripe socks would send you into a catatonic state where all you could do was shake your head, chain smoke Stuyvo lights and repeatedly mutter something about Josh Hunt manning up.
Mrs Watson:
Sydney once scared me.
But Cats need now only fear,
Sheer number of sideburns.
Captain: Are you doing this whole thing in haiku form? Great, I’m sharing a blog with Jack Freakin’ Kerouac over here. And I’m still yet to confirm your report that the sideburn ratio in Sydney is ridiculously greater than Melbourne’s.
Kangaroos v Port Adelaide
Captain: It’s no surprise the Kangas are this stinky. We had a run on Arden St last weekend and although the turf there is pretty good, let’s just say I’ve seen better facilities in Turkish prisons. Speaking of Turkish prisons, Port Adelaide is completely unpredictable and I can’t believe I actually clicked, “Yes, I would like to trade for Daniel Motlop in Supercoach”. Having said that, I’m going out on a limb with a North upset.
Mrs Watson:
No chance at all.
Port look like rubbish at times, but
North equal faeces.
Carlton v Fremantle
Captain: Speaking of turd sandwiches, I was able to somehow pick Freo last week but this week I will not be going near them with a 40-foot septic tank hose.
Mrs Watson:
I'll pick a close one,
But Carlton to win, I guess.
Just don't hit the post.
Adelaide v Western Bulldogs
Mrs Watson:
Neil Craig, listen up.
How to beat a Western hoax:
8 goals is enough.
Captain: This Haiku thing is getting confusing, who did you pick here? I’m torn; Adelaide let me down against Port and the Dogs have fallen in heap faster than Trevor Marmalade’s career. Um, Dogs to win away and then tell everyone, ”we’re back on track”.
West Coast v Melbourne
Mrs Watson:
Nothing doing here.
The game you'll forget is being played.
West Coast easily.
Captain: Agreed. But while we’re here, let’s play a game. Choose who looks in the better shape for the next ten years; Melbourne or West Coast. Now, whoever you didn’t pick, halve their expectations, fire their coach, double their members and I believe your card is… Richmond.
Collingwood v StKilda
Captain: Monday night footaball, frickin finally! Bring it on, Hell, bring on Tuesday night football too! Actually, fuck it. Play one game everyday of the week for seven straight months. I would quit my job and do nothing but watch football, drink beer and eventually balloon to retired-Stuart Dew type proportions. Whaddya reckon, W?
Mrs Watson:
Monday night football.
Sure as shit beats Good News Week.
About fucking time.
Captain: Best Haiku ever.
Captain: Haw, Bris, Gee, NM, Carl, WB, WC, Stk
Season Tally: 34-14
Mrs Watson: Haw, Bris, Gee, Port, Carl, Adel, WC, Stk
Season Tally: 26-22
Julia Gillard is from Adelaide.
Season Tally: 28-20
Essendon v HawthornMrs. Watson: Hawthorn.
Captain: You’re not even trying, are you? You know, I feel a bit ripped off that after their shaky start, Hawthorn are only 3-3; 1-5 would have been so much more fitting for the Steven Bradbury memorial premiers. And now they’re getting a walk-over against an even shakier team that are fast turning into Richmond 2.0 thanks to the appointment of that lazy-eyed, albino coach who probably has the worst win/loss record of any 200-game AFL player. Where’s the justice?
Richmond v Brisbane
Mrs Watson:
Richmond will lose.
I will wager my own pants,
That Richo won’t return
Captain: Is that Haiku? You’ve been watching too much Walnut, but you're right; it doesn’t look good for the ‘cho. Should we be surprised? Terry Terrific moved him from the goal square to the wing at age 35, I mean, what were they expecting? Just merge already, Richmond, faaaaaaaark.
Geelong v Sydney
Captain: Do Sydney still make you nervous, Mrs W? I remember when the mere sight of those candy-stripe socks would send you into a catatonic state where all you could do was shake your head, chain smoke Stuyvo lights and repeatedly mutter something about Josh Hunt manning up.
Mrs Watson:
Sydney once scared me.
But Cats need now only fear,
Sheer number of sideburns.
Captain: Are you doing this whole thing in haiku form? Great, I’m sharing a blog with Jack Freakin’ Kerouac over here. And I’m still yet to confirm your report that the sideburn ratio in Sydney is ridiculously greater than Melbourne’s.
Kangaroos v Port Adelaide
Captain: It’s no surprise the Kangas are this stinky. We had a run on Arden St last weekend and although the turf there is pretty good, let’s just say I’ve seen better facilities in Turkish prisons. Speaking of Turkish prisons, Port Adelaide is completely unpredictable and I can’t believe I actually clicked, “Yes, I would like to trade for Daniel Motlop in Supercoach”. Having said that, I’m going out on a limb with a North upset.
Mrs Watson:
No chance at all.
Port look like rubbish at times, but
North equal faeces.
Carlton v Fremantle
Captain: Speaking of turd sandwiches, I was able to somehow pick Freo last week but this week I will not be going near them with a 40-foot septic tank hose.
Mrs Watson:
I'll pick a close one,
But Carlton to win, I guess.
Just don't hit the post.
Adelaide v Western Bulldogs
Mrs Watson:
Neil Craig, listen up.
How to beat a Western hoax:
8 goals is enough.
Captain: This Haiku thing is getting confusing, who did you pick here? I’m torn; Adelaide let me down against Port and the Dogs have fallen in heap faster than Trevor Marmalade’s career. Um, Dogs to win away and then tell everyone, ”we’re back on track”.
West Coast v Melbourne
Mrs Watson:
Nothing doing here.
The game you'll forget is being played.
West Coast easily.
Captain: Agreed. But while we’re here, let’s play a game. Choose who looks in the better shape for the next ten years; Melbourne or West Coast. Now, whoever you didn’t pick, halve their expectations, fire their coach, double their members and I believe your card is… Richmond.
Collingwood v StKilda
Captain: Monday night footaball, frickin finally! Bring it on, Hell, bring on Tuesday night football too! Actually, fuck it. Play one game everyday of the week for seven straight months. I would quit my job and do nothing but watch football, drink beer and eventually balloon to retired-Stuart Dew type proportions. Whaddya reckon, W?
Mrs Watson:
Monday night football.
Sure as shit beats Good News Week.
About fucking time.
Captain: Best Haiku ever.
Captain: Haw, Bris, Gee, NM, Carl, WB, WC, Stk
Season Tally: 34-14
Mrs Watson: Haw, Bris, Gee, Port, Carl, Adel, WC, Stk
Season Tally: 26-22
Julia Gillard is from Adelaide.
Season Tally: 28-20
posted by the captain at 10:52 pm
8 Comments:
Great trick that Melb v West Coast one. I emailed it to dozens...
-Tee from Vancouver
Nice stuff again blokes, although no euphemism again. I agree totally on Monday night footy. The Pies forwards and StKilda midfield remind many of the cast of Desperate Housewives, so yeah, it should rate it tits off.
Haiku? I've thought of a couple.
One about footy:
Pies in a tight one,
Saints although 6 and 0 seems,
Defeated little.
One not about footy:
Sweet Lindsay Lohan,
white powder up nose white liquid into mouth,
Hollywood stardom assured.
Go Lingy and Harley!!!!
...fustercluck...
Interesting to see Jason Davenport play his first AFL game with Port Adelaide this week.
Richmond bring in three 30+ players
-Tee from Vancouver
Isn't the Pris playing for Essendon this week? That kid will be a star within 100 games. I wanted to cry when his knee went to butter, he would have played in the 2008 GF side, which may have made both of us cry - or not.
...f...
How did the Cats go? I was so distraught that the Hawks were beaten by the Bombers on Friday that I'd lost my appetite for footy, and my will to live by game time on Saturday.
Sad times indeed big leaguers....not!
How timely was the Steven Bradbury gibe? Yet another example of the Captain's insight into the game!!!
Fancy getting smoked by Essendon (A.K.A. Richmond 2.0). Outrun, out contested and outwitted. By Matthew Knights! And Essendon!!
Ha Ha Ha Ha you mangy buzzards from Glenferrie, with the supposed mental superioity over every organism on earth.
What odds are the still lowly Freo to roll the Mighty Fighting Hawks at Subiaco next week?
...fustercluck...
Good call regarding Sunday's Crows vs Bulldog's game Captain:
"Dogs to win away and then tell everyone, ”we’re back on track.”
http://www.theage.com.au/news/rfnews/were-back-on-track-says-murphy/2009/05/10/1241893850163.html
- Basso Divor
Basso, well if Robert Murphy and Rocket Eade think the dogs are back then it must be true, just like Santa Claus, Spiderman and the Easter Bunny.
It's bloody hard to pick a final 8 at the moment, 'cause there's about 10 clubs that are fairly pooey and don't deserve to play finals.
OK, so I may have been a bit off with my Pies to beat the Saints prediction, but I still think the "Ross Lyon Experience" has yet to beat a quality side. Victories against SYD, ADEL, WC, FREO, PORT, BULLDOGS and tonight's demolition of COLLINGWOOD RESERVES is hardly screaming premiership potential, but then again, I'm not Robert Walls, so what the fuck would I know.
Nice draw though Sainters, 15 games at Docklands, Cats once Hawks once, Melbourne twice, North twice, Eagles twice.
...cluck...
15 games indoors at Docklands?
If they make finals, I hope they play at the MCG - and it pisses down!!
- Basso Divor
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