Left over thoughts while watching Geelong pound Melbourne…

Why didn’t Alan Didak immediately own up to being in the car with Heath Shaw? He had just signed a new contract, one without any behavioural clauses; so really, there was no re-course for Collingwood in that regard. And the thing that makes him look like such a shifty prick is the lying. So how about just owning up? What a douchebag. And now the speculation is that he’ll be traded at the end of the season, with South Australia the consensus destination, due to him originally being from there. However, what everyone is forgetting is that people who make it out of Adelaide do not want to go back there. Fuck it, bring him to the Cats. We’ll put him on the straight and narrow. And we’ll take Heath Shaw too; Mrs Watson’s got the perfect spot for him, half-back in our VFL team…

I thoroughly enjoyed Malcolm Blight’s retaliatory spray to Rod Butterss and the St. Kilda Football club. It was certainly deserved and probably overdue. And while I think Big Mal has maybe fallen off a bit as a commentator, he is definitely still entertaining. As is watching Stephen “My Town” Quartermain squirm as Blighty stared straight down the barrel claiming he didn’t “give a rat’s toss-bag” about what anyone thought of him. What exactly a rat’s toss-bag is, I don’t want to think about too much, but it was good stuff. I was hoping Quarters would try and interrupt, or get Blighty back focused on the game at hand, so Blighty would then turn the blowtorch on him: “I don’t give a fuck about you either, Stephen” Someone get this man his own reality show…

So, the choice for the Gold Coast team’s name is down to one of the following: The Ironmen, The Marlins, The Guards, The Rays and The Stingrays… Geez, the Gold Coast Assholes doesn’t look that bad now, does it? I mean, if someone is seriously considering naming the next AFL team, the next flagship as the game ventures further north, “The Guards” then surely the Assholes would have to at least be short-listed. Imagine the fans (“Go you assholes!”), or the banners (picture the players bursting onto the ground through a giant brown-eye), or even Brent Prismall’s inevitable press conference (“I’m glad to be the AFL’s first Asshole and hopefully I can stay an Asshole for the rest of my career”). The AFL needs to turn this club over to the people who care, people like me and Brent Maloney. And by the way, stop calling it “GC17”, it sounds like a British tween-age pop group, or some sort of paedophilia website. At this rate Bill Henson will sign on as the number one ticket holder…

I got just a little too pleased and I had to open my big mouth. Just when I though Lips had finally “pulled the sheet” on the Shannon Byrnes experiment, look what happens. Unbelievable. Let’s hope it was more of a message to Trav Varcoe than a show of confidence in “Rove”. After another turn-over filled performance, surely we’ve seen the last of that little prick. He’s dead to me. He’s deader than Beans’ removed kidney and we now need to have Shannon Byrnes surgically removed from the Geelong list. We need a Byrnesyotomy. He’s shaming the no. 17 guernsey. Gavin Excel must be rolling in his grave, or his car dealership, or whatever the hell he’s doing these days…

I miss a few other things? Well, now’s your chance to ask the Captain a question before the serious business of finals football begins. Wondering who we’ll play in the first round? Want to know who our main dangers are? Not sure what to get your Dad for his birthday? Wondering if Mark Harvey had the full or just a partial frontal lobotomy? Think you might be bisexual? Well, drop your questions in the comments box and I’ll present the first ever Big League Little League Mailbag. C’mon! Don’t be shy now, get involved! (Cos if this doesn’t work I’m just gonna turn this thing over to Tee and fustercluck and be done with it.)