Things We Think Know Now: Part V
Well, we’ve finally arrived. The final instalment of this drawn out, over-indulgent, cheap grab at a few ‘write-themselves’ blogs that meant I didn’t have to think of any interesting ideas for the first eight weeks of the season and essentially turned out like a two month late, season preview. Glad you ploughed through the other four bastards now? Anyway, two teams remain, so without further ado, let’s stick a fork in this thing, let’s drown those kittens, let’s bed those wenches, as I present…
The Sugar Ray Leonard ‘Contender’ Group
Hawthorn
The Hawks have become media darlings, with Buddy Franklin and his mates having more articles written about them this year than Tania Zaetta has slept with members of Australia’s defence force. (Ladies and gentleman, let’s hear it for the first Tania Zaetta joke of the season!) Granted, they are undefeated, and not in a ‘we-drew-with-Richmond’ kinda Western Bulldogs way, and they have blown away a few decent teams, including Collingwood, Adelaide, and, um, Melbourne? Hmm, let’s take a closer look here. Working backwards, they came back against Port Adelaide, just got over Richmond and were two to three goals better than Brisbane, North Melbourne and Fremantle. Are they as good as all the press they’re receiving indicates? Well, let me answer that this way; if JC himself was playing in the brown & yellow I don’t think they’d have many more articles to clip out. And speaking of the man himself, we all know Buddy is on fire at the moment, but, to paraphrase Mr. Wolf, let’s not start going Tania Zaetta on each other just yet (joke number two). It’s worth remembering that Cameron Bruce was once called the next James Hird, that some people thought Anthony was the better Rocca brother and that Adrian McAdam kicked 23 goals in his first 3 AFL matches before being out of the league 33 games later. Now, just to be on record, I’m pretty sure Franklin is better than all of those guys and that 100 goals is not out of the question for him. But have a look at these ass clowns, in alphabetical order: Birchall, Boyle, Clarke, Dew, Ellis, Ladson, Osbourne, Taylor and Young? No thanks. And their defence, which relies way too much on the unreliable Trent Croad and Campbell Brown has more holes to fill than, well, Tania Zaetta (that’s three). Oh, and I have to mention Jaryd Roughead, once called ‘the worst footballer in the AFL’ by Mrs Watson. Now, maybe I’m blinded by my unspeakable hatred for Alistair Clarkson, but I reckon they’re batting above their average, and I can’t wait til they’re found out. But for now, they’re here, as a contender; I made my bed, so now I have lie in it… with Tania Zaetta (didn’t think I had four in me, did you?).
Improver: I’m gonna say Buddy Franklin; he’s single-handedly taken the media hype machine to levels not seen since Britney stopped wearing panties, God bless her.
Stinker: I just can’t stand Alistair Clarkson. He wants his team to play ‘unsociable’ football, but Mark Williams’ gesture is unacceptable? He’s full of shit, the smug little prick.
Geelong
Look, The Cats are 8-0 playing without their All-Australian centre half back and ruckman, and if you think I’m going to jinx them with a glowing review after 8 weeks (and waste most of my material for the remainder of the season) you’re crazy. Let’s just say I’m glad Hawthorn and the Bulldogs (as well as Freo and Melbourne) are getting all the press, while The Cats quietly go about their business. And if you think this is a cop out, well, you’re probably right. But there are no premierships won in May and there will be no talk of them at Big League.
I didn’t, however, say anything about June. See you in eight days.
Well, we’ve finally arrived. The final instalment of this drawn out, over-indulgent, cheap grab at a few ‘write-themselves’ blogs that meant I didn’t have to think of any interesting ideas for the first eight weeks of the season and essentially turned out like a two month late, season preview. Glad you ploughed through the other four bastards now? Anyway, two teams remain, so without further ado, let’s stick a fork in this thing, let’s drown those kittens, let’s bed those wenches, as I present…The Sugar Ray Leonard ‘Contender’ Group
Hawthorn
The Hawks have become media darlings, with Buddy Franklin and his mates having more articles written about them this year than Tania Zaetta has slept with members of Australia’s defence force. (Ladies and gentleman, let’s hear it for the first Tania Zaetta joke of the season!) Granted, they are undefeated, and not in a ‘we-drew-with-Richmond’ kinda Western Bulldogs way, and they have blown away a few decent teams, including Collingwood, Adelaide, and, um, Melbourne? Hmm, let’s take a closer look here. Working backwards, they came back against Port Adelaide, just got over Richmond and were two to three goals better than Brisbane, North Melbourne and Fremantle. Are they as good as all the press they’re receiving indicates? Well, let me answer that this way; if JC himself was playing in the brown & yellow I don’t think they’d have many more articles to clip out. And speaking of the man himself, we all know Buddy is on fire at the moment, but, to paraphrase Mr. Wolf, let’s not start going Tania Zaetta on each other just yet (joke number two). It’s worth remembering that Cameron Bruce was once called the next James Hird, that some people thought Anthony was the better Rocca brother and that Adrian McAdam kicked 23 goals in his first 3 AFL matches before being out of the league 33 games later. Now, just to be on record, I’m pretty sure Franklin is better than all of those guys and that 100 goals is not out of the question for him. But have a look at these ass clowns, in alphabetical order: Birchall, Boyle, Clarke, Dew, Ellis, Ladson, Osbourne, Taylor and Young? No thanks. And their defence, which relies way too much on the unreliable Trent Croad and Campbell Brown has more holes to fill than, well, Tania Zaetta (that’s three). Oh, and I have to mention Jaryd Roughead, once called ‘the worst footballer in the AFL’ by Mrs Watson. Now, maybe I’m blinded by my unspeakable hatred for Alistair Clarkson, but I reckon they’re batting above their average, and I can’t wait til they’re found out. But for now, they’re here, as a contender; I made my bed, so now I have lie in it… with Tania Zaetta (didn’t think I had four in me, did you?).
Improver: I’m gonna say Buddy Franklin; he’s single-handedly taken the media hype machine to levels not seen since Britney stopped wearing panties, God bless her.
Stinker: I just can’t stand Alistair Clarkson. He wants his team to play ‘unsociable’ football, but Mark Williams’ gesture is unacceptable? He’s full of shit, the smug little prick.
Geelong
Look, The Cats are 8-0 playing without their All-Australian centre half back and ruckman, and if you think I’m going to jinx them with a glowing review after 8 weeks (and waste most of my material for the remainder of the season) you’re crazy. Let’s just say I’m glad Hawthorn and the Bulldogs (as well as Freo and Melbourne) are getting all the press, while The Cats quietly go about their business. And if you think this is a cop out, well, you’re probably right. But there are no premierships won in May and there will be no talk of them at Big League.
I didn’t, however, say anything about June. See you in eight days.
posted by the captain at 9:05 pm
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