Barry, Bucks & Funny Dog Poop
As I was not quite happy with yesterday’s blog, and cause I wanted to get rid of that picture of Mark Williams, this week is now value packed, with some more random thoughts:
Barry Hall
Australian sport hasn’t seen a whack like that since the Olympic swimming trials. Granted, Barry wasn’t really looking where he was swinging when he smoked Brent Staker on the weekend, but he certainly hit the sweet spot. Staker was out like Julian Clary. Of course, with the Swans recent Tribunal record, they’ll probably blame Barry’s off-season laser eye surgery, bring Adam Goodes in as a character witness and then have a physiological expert from the Kennedy assassination testify to the “Glass Jaw Theory”. If Jordan Lewis got a week for his “strike” on Daniel Pratt then Barry Hall has to get eight. Either that or the captaincy for any future Irish tours.
Richmond Power
Let me get this straight, after four rounds Richmond are in the top eight, have won interstate and have two more wins than last year’s Grand Finalists Port Adelaide? While I’m disappointed to have to put my “Good Riddance Terry Wallace” blog on hold, it’s great, just great, to see Port struggling. In the last quarter against Brisbane, at home, in the teeming rain, they gave up 9 goals after leading by 40+ points at three-quarter time. Their next four games are against West Coast in Perth, St.Kilda, the newly-awesome Richmond and then Hawthorn in Tassie. So, it’s quite conceivable that Port could be 1-7 after the first two months of the season. Perhaps I should hang on to a draft of that “Good Riddance” blog and just change the name from Terry Wallace to Mark Williams.
Numb3rs
If there are that many cases that can be solved using mathematical algorithms, shouldn’t the FBI just hire their own maths guy? I mean, sure, it’s his brother and all, but he’s got a full-time university job, I’d imagine he’s a busy guy: “Ahh geez, you want me to solve another one of your cases? You know I have my own shit to do, right? What do you guys do when I'm not there?”
Hawthorn
Alright, you’ve convinced me, Hawthorn. I’ll stop tipping against you, I’ll stop saying “I’m just not sold yet” and I’ll start taking you seriously. Seriously. And Richard Tambling over Buddy Franklin could go down as the AFL’s version of Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan. Hear that, Hawks? I just compared Buddy to MJ. Happy now? No such luck for you though, Western Bulldogs. Like a red-headed step-child you’ll have to work twice as hard for my love.
Worst Case Scenario
Let’s assume all three possible Geelong tribunal candidates (Mooney, Gamble and West) miss next week, who do we have to come in to the side? (And by the way, losing Mooney has been one of my only fears for this team; there doesn’t appear to be anyone else capable of holding down centre half forward for any long stretch of the season.) In the VFL we have Brent Prismall unlucky not to be a walk up starter in the seniors, Gamble clone Jason Davenport who kicked four this week, Mackie possibly coming back from injury as well as Varcoe, Tenace, Byrnes and David Johnson all fighting to get back into the side. Add to that a couple of rookies who have been ok in key forward Scott Simpson and ruckman Shane Mumford. Personally I don’t think West will go and therefore will be available to pinch hit down forward. I’d go with Prismall and Mackie if he’s fit, and if not, another runner like Davenport. I’d also give Junior some time in the forward line this week, just a hunch.
Toy Dump
Did you know there’s a toy dog on the market now that actually takes little toy dumps? Is that going a little too far? We already have dolls that piss themselves, so now we’ve got little kids changing the fake kid and then picking up the fake dog’s fake crap? I’d want a fake divorce. Who, exactly, wants to pretend to clean up shit? Why don’t you step up to the real thing? How about we start selling child size buckets and mops and send the kids over to my place to ‘play’? “Start in the bathroom kid, and I hope you brought your toy plunger cos last night’s Thai did NOT go quietly.”
St.Kilda
Just a thought, but perhaps it’s not their three man forward line, or their lack of leg speed that’s hurting them; maybe they’re just not that good. Have a look at their list. After Riewoldt, Kosi, Hayes, Dal Santo and maybe Goddard, it drops away pretty bloody quickly. Montagna? Leigh Fisher? Gram? Maybe. After that comes the Clarke Bros. and Jason Blake. Ugh. Maybe Walnut was a genius and over-performed in his reign, making the list look better than it was, kinda like the anti-Terry Wallace.
Commentators
I’ve really been enjoying Nathan Buckley’s work on Channel 7. He actually gives you insight and knowledge from someone obviously not long out of the game. Mind you, his columns in The Age are still pretty bad, but on TV he sounds like Noam Freakin’ Chomsky compared to David Schwarz.
Captain out.
As I was not quite happy with yesterday’s blog, and cause I wanted to get rid of that picture of Mark Williams, this week is now value packed, with some more random thoughts:Barry Hall
Australian sport hasn’t seen a whack like that since the Olympic swimming trials. Granted, Barry wasn’t really looking where he was swinging when he smoked Brent Staker on the weekend, but he certainly hit the sweet spot. Staker was out like Julian Clary. Of course, with the Swans recent Tribunal record, they’ll probably blame Barry’s off-season laser eye surgery, bring Adam Goodes in as a character witness and then have a physiological expert from the Kennedy assassination testify to the “Glass Jaw Theory”. If Jordan Lewis got a week for his “strike” on Daniel Pratt then Barry Hall has to get eight. Either that or the captaincy for any future Irish tours.
Richmond Power
Let me get this straight, after four rounds Richmond are in the top eight, have won interstate and have two more wins than last year’s Grand Finalists Port Adelaide? While I’m disappointed to have to put my “Good Riddance Terry Wallace” blog on hold, it’s great, just great, to see Port struggling. In the last quarter against Brisbane, at home, in the teeming rain, they gave up 9 goals after leading by 40+ points at three-quarter time. Their next four games are against West Coast in Perth, St.Kilda, the newly-awesome Richmond and then Hawthorn in Tassie. So, it’s quite conceivable that Port could be 1-7 after the first two months of the season. Perhaps I should hang on to a draft of that “Good Riddance” blog and just change the name from Terry Wallace to Mark Williams.
Numb3rs
If there are that many cases that can be solved using mathematical algorithms, shouldn’t the FBI just hire their own maths guy? I mean, sure, it’s his brother and all, but he’s got a full-time university job, I’d imagine he’s a busy guy: “Ahh geez, you want me to solve another one of your cases? You know I have my own shit to do, right? What do you guys do when I'm not there?”
Hawthorn
Alright, you’ve convinced me, Hawthorn. I’ll stop tipping against you, I’ll stop saying “I’m just not sold yet” and I’ll start taking you seriously. Seriously. And Richard Tambling over Buddy Franklin could go down as the AFL’s version of Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan. Hear that, Hawks? I just compared Buddy to MJ. Happy now? No such luck for you though, Western Bulldogs. Like a red-headed step-child you’ll have to work twice as hard for my love.
Worst Case Scenario
Let’s assume all three possible Geelong tribunal candidates (Mooney, Gamble and West) miss next week, who do we have to come in to the side? (And by the way, losing Mooney has been one of my only fears for this team; there doesn’t appear to be anyone else capable of holding down centre half forward for any long stretch of the season.) In the VFL we have Brent Prismall unlucky not to be a walk up starter in the seniors, Gamble clone Jason Davenport who kicked four this week, Mackie possibly coming back from injury as well as Varcoe, Tenace, Byrnes and David Johnson all fighting to get back into the side. Add to that a couple of rookies who have been ok in key forward Scott Simpson and ruckman Shane Mumford. Personally I don’t think West will go and therefore will be available to pinch hit down forward. I’d go with Prismall and Mackie if he’s fit, and if not, another runner like Davenport. I’d also give Junior some time in the forward line this week, just a hunch.
Toy Dump
Did you know there’s a toy dog on the market now that actually takes little toy dumps? Is that going a little too far? We already have dolls that piss themselves, so now we’ve got little kids changing the fake kid and then picking up the fake dog’s fake crap? I’d want a fake divorce. Who, exactly, wants to pretend to clean up shit? Why don’t you step up to the real thing? How about we start selling child size buckets and mops and send the kids over to my place to ‘play’? “Start in the bathroom kid, and I hope you brought your toy plunger cos last night’s Thai did NOT go quietly.”
St.Kilda
Just a thought, but perhaps it’s not their three man forward line, or their lack of leg speed that’s hurting them; maybe they’re just not that good. Have a look at their list. After Riewoldt, Kosi, Hayes, Dal Santo and maybe Goddard, it drops away pretty bloody quickly. Montagna? Leigh Fisher? Gram? Maybe. After that comes the Clarke Bros. and Jason Blake. Ugh. Maybe Walnut was a genius and over-performed in his reign, making the list look better than it was, kinda like the anti-Terry Wallace.
Commentators
I’ve really been enjoying Nathan Buckley’s work on Channel 7. He actually gives you insight and knowledge from someone obviously not long out of the game. Mind you, his columns in The Age are still pretty bad, but on TV he sounds like Noam Freakin’ Chomsky compared to David Schwarz.
Captain out.
posted by the captain at 6:06 pm
3 Comments:
Hey Captain,
re - Worst Case Scenanario, what about Tom Lonergan? Can play at both ends and has some recent forward line form. And surely the Pris is ready for a stint in the ones? Please Bomber not Byrnes again, he reminds me of Robert Scott, all pace, zero composure and he butchers the ball by foot as well as anyone in the AFL.
...Fustercluck...
Does anyone read the Private Eye magazine? David Shwarz is a perpetual Colemanball!
He's one eloquent bastard!!
Yippee, Moons get a slap on the wrist and the Cats pick Prismal, not to mention the return of Mackie. It's a little puzzling that they dropped Harry Taylor though.
...Fustercluck...
Post a Comment
<< Home