Do Your Job



There was no one particular incident (apart, perhaps, from losing an unlosable position) that the Indian team should feel particularly aggrieved about. Correspondingly, this seeming protest of theirs is not in response to any one thing, but rather a series of small events that, if taken as singular occurrences, happen in every test match. It is rare that these events all occurred in the same match, but as a bumper sticker once informed me, shit happens.

Everyone needs to take a deep breath and calm the fuck down. I realise there’s a lot going on. And I realize that there are a lot of bad columns being written by a lot of lazy journalists. But let’s all relax before Peter Roebuck demands that the British Empire come back and reinforce Colonial rule: We are currently in this position because Ricky Ponting is good at his job.

First of all, this may be stating the obvious, but there would not be this kind of media over-reaction had India been able to bat out 72 fucking overs instead of crumbling like an 8 year-old block of cheese in the meaty hands of Ian Hewitson: It’s only ever the losing side that complains.

Secondly, Ian Chappell might actually be right; animosity between sides begins with poor officiating. All the awful, awful decisions have got to rest squarely on the indecisive shoulders of Mark Benson and Steve Bucknor. (BTW: When did Bucknor morph into Morgan Freeman? - “I wish I could tell you that Andy Symonds fought the good fight, and the Indians let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but cricket is no fairy-tale world.”)

The Australian’s are not particularly nasty, nor do they play outside the rules. They are competitors and they have a mental toughness other countries lacks. They refuse to concede anything. They think they can beat anyone and they usually do. And they don’t mind sharing this fact with the opposition. Their history breeds confidence and vice-versa. They are positive, aggressive and over the past 15 years have single-handedly reinvented test cricket.

However, sometimes this can result in situations where the Australian captain is telling batsmen they’re out, which is not his job. And this is unfortunate, even though, a) he was right on this occasion and b) the umpires weren’t doing their job. But it doesn’t look great.

Anil Kumble took this and accused Australia of not playing within ‘the spirit of the game’, but there is a particularly apt saying about the inhabitants of glass houses. And there is difference between sledging and racial taunting.

The Indian’s appear confused about their defence; team officials argued the term “monkey” is not racially insulting in their country, while Harbhajan and Tendulkar deny the word was even said. Regardless, if, as the Indian’s claim, that calling Andrew Symonds “monkey” is not racially motivated, why would this name be (again) directed at Australia’s only black player?

The threat to quit the tour reeks of contradiction and sour grapes. The Indians want umpires, but only the ones who will give them favourable decisions. They want to play within the spirit of the game, but with their racially abusive off-spinner and their stalling tactics. And, most of all, they want someone to blame after having Australia reeling at 6/140 and losing the match.

Ricky Ponting’s job is to win cricket matches, not conduct international diplomacy. If the Indians had done their job, we’d be heading to Perth with a great series tied at 1-1. If the umpires had done their job we wouldn’t have noticed them at all. And if the ICC had done their job, Harbhajan, instead of threatening to leave Australia, wouldn’t have been allowed to tour in the first place.

Let’s get some job descriptions out to Perth, before it’s too late.