Headliners (Wrist Deep)
The first round of the season always throws up a few surprises, a few twists and few ‘yeah, thought so’ moments. And not just on the field. The problem for the news media is that after 6 months of trying to top up their sports pages with hockey and swimming and failure after failure from Mark Weber, a lot of footy stories go unnoticed in the first week. But not to fear! The Captain is here to guide you through a few headlines that you may have missed. (And by the way, I’ll be at the Dome Sunday to hopefully witness what Mrs Watson might refer to as “a fisting”. I know, I miss him too.)
Hawthorn deny claims their performance distorted by the fact they played the halftime little league team.
David Neitz calls for an ‘off-field tribunal’ to deal with non-football matters. Criminal Court System says, “Ah, hello?”
Brendan Fevola’s career as restaurant reviewer begins with The Candy Bar.
Port Adelaide coach Mark Williams, reportedly “still bored”.
Kane Johnson caught urinating on police station; swears he’ll never squat in public again.
Mark Harvey stuns media critics by beginning tanking already.
Nick Riewoldt reveals: "Leigh Montagna has been ‘tunnelling’ me for years (allegedly)."
Chad Cornes interview: “Yes, I really am an asshole.”
Revealed: Sean Rusling’s re-dislocated shoulder originally repaired with tissue from Brad Ottens’ groin.
Judd debut marred by realisation, “Shit, I’m playing for Carlton”
Silver-lining to injury: Lucas free to tour with Wiggles as Captain Feather Sword.
Terry Wallace celebrates one week anniversary of “we’ll let our football do the talking” by giving 3-part interview with AFL.com. (I’m not even kidding about this one).
The first round of the season always throws up a few surprises, a few twists and few ‘yeah, thought so’ moments. And not just on the field. The problem for the news media is that after 6 months of trying to top up their sports pages with hockey and swimming and failure after failure from Mark Weber, a lot of footy stories go unnoticed in the first week. But not to fear! The Captain is here to guide you through a few headlines that you may have missed. (And by the way, I’ll be at the Dome Sunday to hopefully witness what Mrs Watson might refer to as “a fisting”. I know, I miss him too.)Hawthorn deny claims their performance distorted by the fact they played the halftime little league team.
David Neitz calls for an ‘off-field tribunal’ to deal with non-football matters. Criminal Court System says, “Ah, hello?”
Brendan Fevola’s career as restaurant reviewer begins with The Candy Bar.
Port Adelaide coach Mark Williams, reportedly “still bored”.
Kane Johnson caught urinating on police station; swears he’ll never squat in public again.
Mark Harvey stuns media critics by beginning tanking already.
Nick Riewoldt reveals: "Leigh Montagna has been ‘tunnelling’ me for years (allegedly)."
Chad Cornes interview: “Yes, I really am an asshole.”
Revealed: Sean Rusling’s re-dislocated shoulder originally repaired with tissue from Brad Ottens’ groin.
Judd debut marred by realisation, “Shit, I’m playing for Carlton”
Silver-lining to injury: Lucas free to tour with Wiggles as Captain Feather Sword.
Terry Wallace celebrates one week anniversary of “we’ll let our football do the talking” by giving 3-part interview with AFL.com. (I’m not even kidding about this one).
posted by the captain at 7:21 pm
5 Comments:
ROFL. Captain Feathersword returns!!!!
Love the Judd debut too.
Isn't that pink eyed albino Nick Riewoldt the softest most over-rated piece of AFL cloning going around today? Good to see you back and in fine form Captain. Raise your glasses and make cheers to Sunday's impending fisting of the Bombers (FYI Lloydy, they're called fullbacks pal, and this week you'll actually be playing on one of the best) and to chemo-pale Nick and his forever unrealised premiership dreams. Fuck you Nick and your team of pretenders. OOPS...Almost forgot, a big fuck you to the AFL's Mussolini, Paul Roos, architect of all that is shit and pitiful.
...fustercluck...
Oi Captain, I wanted to email you about something. Are you going to the game next weekend? I have just decided to consider flying over but I need to get a ticket to the game first. I usually get a reserved ticket but I'm thinking I should try the authentic experience and go the unreserved.
Tee from Perth
Hey Tee,
Sorry about the late reply, haven't checked the blog for a couple of days. (Which is rare; I'm usually trawling daily for comments referring to my comic genius).
ANYWAY, I'm not going to the game, but Mrs Watto is. I'd recommend reserving a seat, just so you're guaranteed of actually get in the ground, and then exploring the friendly outer and Mrs Watson's foul-mouthed crew, usually located under the scoreboard.
Oh, and Mrs W is already calling this week the 'double-fister'. Ew.
Again, sorry about not getting back to you sooner. I'll re-activate the hotmail account for future reference (not just Tee, anybody) and you should be able to get both W and myself at bigleaguelittleleague@hotmail.com
Cheers
Thanks Captain. I've opted out of making the pilgimage this week. It would have been nice to see the flag unveiled (something I hate about that word 'unfurled') but the game is probably going to be a 'double fisting' as previously indicated by Mrs 'Sherlock' Watson.
Have to catch up for a beer when I do decide to come over for a game at some stage this season.
Tee from Perth
PS. Did anyone notice the irony of the use of Sherlock and Watson at the same time?
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