Kennett and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat



For me, two things became perfectly clear during Round 1 of this year's AFL Premiership Season. One, my Dream Team is pathetic. Sure, Daniel Cross, Darren Milburn, and Luke Hodge should come in handy but my drunken selections of Blake Caracella and Ashley Sampi will no doubt come back and bite me square on the rear end. Two, Jeff Kennett has one mean ass fuckin' tailor. Look at this picture; have a long look. Bask in the glory that is Jeffery's wonderful waistcoat. The ex-Prem has promised to don this magnificent jacket after each Hawthorn victory during his reign as club President, and I gotta tell ya, I think it's great. In fact, I think that had Kennett been wearing this golden boy during his 1999 State election campaign Steve Bracks would probably be kicking shit at the Noodle Box on Ryrie St today.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not usually one for such outward expressions of team pride. Let it be said that there's only one thing that annoys me more than that twat who spends the whole game banging on the fence, and it's that over eager football nerd who rocks up at the ground decked out, head to toe, in every possible item of his team's paraphernalia. Beanie, polo, scarf, trackpants, flag; hell, I once saw a North supporter wearing Kangaroo sunglasses; c'mon, GET A LIFE! At a pub after Saturday's Cats game in Geelong, I even met a girl wearing GFC Cons. There's something different about this jacket, though. Something about it screams, "I know I look stupid, but eat some shit while you take a look at the scoreboard buddy, we won!"

But maybe that's the difference: a little sense of humour. Maybe that's why the giant foam hand, or the Scarlett wig are a little bit more acceptable than the try hard face painter. And before you start comparing Kennett's fine taste in football apparel with the sparkling monstrosity Joffa produces on the rare occasion his team crosses the finish line ahead, think about this: which one would you rather wear? Jeff's reversable dreamcoat, or Joffa's white trash mardi gras outfit. I rest my case.

I reckon the Geelong Football club should jump on board Kennett's bandwagon. The Cat's Shop could spew a few thousand of these out at $299 a pop and turn a massive profit. Hell, maybe I wouldn't buy one, but at least I'd know who not to spit beer at. Guy in ridiculous blue and white reversable suit jacket = gutsy. Guy in Bendigo Bank VFL jumper = tosspot.

Out.