Who the hell is Brad Ottens?, "The Switch", or, A Fairytale Story Tale
First up, a question: which of the above is a photograph of Cats player, Brad Ottens? Is it picture number 1,2,3, or, is it none of the above?
If you answered '3', you're an idiot. This is quite obviously Joel Corey. The answer is, of course, "none of the above", but if you answered either 1 or 2, you wouldn't be alone. I've already mentioned, in a previous post, a certain Channel 10 commentator calling Greg Stafford (picture #1), "Brad Ottens" repeatedly during a Hawks v Richmond game a few weeks ago; while this is an incredibly fuckin' stupid mistake (especially for a commentator), it is, after all, "Channel 10". On the other hand, you wouldn't expect the very well respected Melbourne newspaper, The Age, to make a very similar mistake, now would you? Well it bloody did!
Cast your eyes on page 10, of the "Footy 2006" lift-out in Saturday's The Age newspaper, for a moment. Right next to a very sizeable photograph of our GFC's beloved captain, Stephen King, is the tag: Former Tiger Brad Ottens has a big role if the Cats are to succeed in 2006. What a Goddamn joke!
If these recent fuck-ups are anything to go by, it would appear that very few people in this country's football media actually know what Brad Ottens looks like, or for that matter (and I'm looking in your direction Channel Ten), which team he plays for. Any memory of Ottens, whose career, I thought, had been well publicised up to this point, has dropped off the map.
Now Brad, if you're reading this, if I were you, I'd rob a bank. At the moment there's a better chance of the police sketches of you looking like Jack White, than anything resembling yourself. Witnesses to your crime would say, "That was Brad Ottens!," but footage of Keith Urban would appear on 10's "First At Five", and the cops would arrest Heath Ledger.
The Age's "Footy 2006" lift-out, in fact, was pretty much a disaster from front to back. Let's start on the cover. I don't mean to get grammatical, but the subheading, "A fairytale story?", appearing in bold white type on the very front, is a bit like calling an ATM, an ATM machine, isn't it? And, on page 10, the same page as the Ottens/King debacle, Caroline Wilson actually has the fuckin' audacity to predict that Essendon will finish 3rd on the ladder at the end of the 2006 AFL season. Sure, it says right above her name that she's an "expert", but the fact that she also has Melbourne finishing 11th, suggests very strongly that she's just an absolute chop!
Now, I won't talk about last night's Cats v Freo came in too much detail, but I'd like just to put something out there. I've noticed that Geelong's final quarters have been amazing, while in contrast, their other three quarters have been a little disappointing. While some might say that this is simply inconsistency, something that will fade as the real season progresses, I say, it's to do with "the switch". You see, I believe that Bomber Thompson has control over a very precious on/off-type switch, possibly located somewhere on that little white board the coach's assistant usually carries onto the ground at 3 quarter time.
This switch can be used at anytime, and it controls a transformation that is not at all dissimilar to Adam and Cringer's magical change into He-Man and Battlecat. For the first three quarters, the switch remains in its "off" position; the Cats do enough to get by, stay close, or just ahead, and then fuckin' BAM! "BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!!!," motherfuckers. Game over, Cats shit it in.
this....
into this!!....
The details surrounding the origin of the tool are unclear, but the question has to be asked: Could Mark Thompson have designed and constructed such a powerful device himself? I say yes, and he started with the backline.
Out.
First up, a question: which of the above is a photograph of Cats player, Brad Ottens? Is it picture number 1,2,3, or, is it none of the above?
If you answered '3', you're an idiot. This is quite obviously Joel Corey. The answer is, of course, "none of the above", but if you answered either 1 or 2, you wouldn't be alone. I've already mentioned, in a previous post, a certain Channel 10 commentator calling Greg Stafford (picture #1), "Brad Ottens" repeatedly during a Hawks v Richmond game a few weeks ago; while this is an incredibly fuckin' stupid mistake (especially for a commentator), it is, after all, "Channel 10". On the other hand, you wouldn't expect the very well respected Melbourne newspaper, The Age, to make a very similar mistake, now would you? Well it bloody did!
Cast your eyes on page 10, of the "Footy 2006" lift-out in Saturday's The Age newspaper, for a moment. Right next to a very sizeable photograph of our GFC's beloved captain, Stephen King, is the tag: Former Tiger Brad Ottens has a big role if the Cats are to succeed in 2006. What a Goddamn joke!
If these recent fuck-ups are anything to go by, it would appear that very few people in this country's football media actually know what Brad Ottens looks like, or for that matter (and I'm looking in your direction Channel Ten), which team he plays for. Any memory of Ottens, whose career, I thought, had been well publicised up to this point, has dropped off the map.
Now Brad, if you're reading this, if I were you, I'd rob a bank. At the moment there's a better chance of the police sketches of you looking like Jack White, than anything resembling yourself. Witnesses to your crime would say, "That was Brad Ottens!," but footage of Keith Urban would appear on 10's "First At Five", and the cops would arrest Heath Ledger.
The Age's "Footy 2006" lift-out, in fact, was pretty much a disaster from front to back. Let's start on the cover. I don't mean to get grammatical, but the subheading, "A fairytale story?", appearing in bold white type on the very front, is a bit like calling an ATM, an ATM machine, isn't it? And, on page 10, the same page as the Ottens/King debacle, Caroline Wilson actually has the fuckin' audacity to predict that Essendon will finish 3rd on the ladder at the end of the 2006 AFL season. Sure, it says right above her name that she's an "expert", but the fact that she also has Melbourne finishing 11th, suggests very strongly that she's just an absolute chop!
Now, I won't talk about last night's Cats v Freo came in too much detail, but I'd like just to put something out there. I've noticed that Geelong's final quarters have been amazing, while in contrast, their other three quarters have been a little disappointing. While some might say that this is simply inconsistency, something that will fade as the real season progresses, I say, it's to do with "the switch". You see, I believe that Bomber Thompson has control over a very precious on/off-type switch, possibly located somewhere on that little white board the coach's assistant usually carries onto the ground at 3 quarter time.
This switch can be used at anytime, and it controls a transformation that is not at all dissimilar to Adam and Cringer's magical change into He-Man and Battlecat. For the first three quarters, the switch remains in its "off" position; the Cats do enough to get by, stay close, or just ahead, and then fuckin' BAM! "BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!!!," motherfuckers. Game over, Cats shit it in.
this....
into this!!....
The details surrounding the origin of the tool are unclear, but the question has to be asked: Could Mark Thompson have designed and constructed such a powerful device himself? I say yes, and he started with the backline.
Out.
posted by mrs. watson at 11:39 am
2 Comments:
Who the hell is Joel Corey? even his name is confusing, sounds like I'm talking about two people. Bomber Tompson a genius inventor? hrm I don't know about that but I do know that he uses 5 chapsticks per match. Maybe the Captain was wrong and Bomber has Geelong all on pills, which would only kick in around the final quarter? In other news I saw Ling at lambys on sunday night and my eyes still hurt.
Dude your blog rocks.
You have a very good writing style. Piss funny. I'm looking forward to reading it each week - Tee
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