5 things about Round 1 (NAB Cup), or, bringing back the Tuck.

I hate to admit it, but I think I become a far more interesting person during football season. For one, I'm more sociable. I get out more, drink more, talk more, and I'm generally a whole lot friendlier between March and October. That's not to say I don't frequent Geelong's shithole pubs during Summer to socialise, but for me there's nothing quite like talking shit about football to people I would otherwise have nothing to say to. In other words, I was made for a blog like this one.

On top of writing the odd feature blog on things that piss me off about the AFL, and in danger of sounding like Rob Gordon, I plan to write a top 5 type list after each Round of AFL games. Not necessarily the funniest 5 things, not even the 5 most interesting things, but just 5 things. Can I keep it up? Am I committed enough? Don't answer.

Anyway, here are 5 things about Round 1 of the 2006 NAB Cup:

1. Aaron Hamill injury: The entire Saints line-up has only two testicles in total. On the weekend, the St Kilda team lost both of them when Hamill limped off the ground. Great kick after the siren too, Gehrig. If there's one thing I enjoy more than watching a Demons supporter throwing beer over a police officer's head, it's a disappointed Saints supporter. Cheer up Saints fans though, it's Fashion Week! And, while you won’t find a Saints jumper anywhere near a football field this week, you’ll more than likely spot one of your players looking right at home on a catwalk somewhere across Melbourne.

2. Channel 10 AFL Coverage: I'm sure it's meant to be funny, isn't it? One Channel 10 commentator continually calling Greg Stafford, Brad Ottens is enough to highlight the quality we can look forward to thanks to the AFL's most recent television contract. Hilarious stuff! What a dumb bastard. I mean it's not as if Ottens only signed with G-town last week. If only 10's producers would let Silvagni commentate, then this fuckin' blog would write itself.

3. Joel Corey's beard: If St. Kilda are the "Glamour Boys" (The Age, Feb 27, 2006) of the AFL, then the Cats would surely have to be the very opposite. The Cats are steadily putting together a good squad of ugly and, or, rough, nuts: Ling, D. Johnson, Chapman, Mooney, just to name a few. And now we have Corey (who previously hung with the pretty boys) going Tuck-style and donning the sort of beard you'd only find on a man whose been sleeping in Johnsons Park for 3 weeks straight. What a fantastic addition to an already feral clan of footballers. Bring back the Tuck!

4. Channel 10's Shot Clock: I'm all for giving forwards less time to kick at goal, but do we really need an oversized timer on our television screens to emphasize the point. Christ, that clock was useless; but beyond that, it was bloody distracting. Watching a timer that large counting down gives one the impression that when it gets to zero something is going to explode. A random seat in the crowd? The ball possibly? No such luck. On the few occasions this clock actually got to zero absolutely nothing happened. No bell, no siren, absolutely no pressure to kick. Calls from the outer like, "Hurry up fuckwit, it starts getting dark at 5," have worked well enough, if not better, for years anyway. Ditch the clock 10, you're trying too hard.

5. Malthouse on Netball: After viewing the weekend’s matches, Mick Malthouse warned that the AFL’s newest rule changes are likely to change our beloved blood sport into Netball. In a Herald-Sun article today, Mick was quoted at a post game press conference stating, “We don't want the players to be wearing skirts with 'GA' and 'C' because I can go down to the park down the road and watch them play on the asphalt.” For a start, while I completely agree with his opinions on the matter, I think Mick Malthouse knows way too much about Netball. In fact, Magpies fans, finally the reason for your team’s slide from back-to-back grand finalists to wooden spooners has become clear. Not injuries, not an ageing roster, but your coach has a new fondness for Netball! And apparently, any old game “down at the park” will quench his thirst for the sport. Man, I never would have picked it. Not that I can talk.

Out.