Double Chance? Double the Fist

First it was North Melbourne, and then Adelaide and now finally it’s St. Kilda who has pulled a Bradbury and skated into fourth, otherwise known as the “double-fisting” position. So be it. To paraphrase Steven King (the author), “Bring out your dead!” And to quote Mrs Watson, “they will make an excellent ass-hat.” More on that later, but first a quick look at the other finals and some other happenings…

Sydney vs North Melbourne
I reckon North gave the game away against Port Adelaide to deliberately avoid Geelong in the first final, their reasoning being that ‘Hey, we’re not going to beat them, let’s get on the other side of the draw and take our chances’. And good on ‘em, I hope they make the Grand Final. That way I’ll be able to start work on the back-to-back premiership blog right after Brownlow night. Idiots. So, an experienced but banged up Sydney team with home field advantage and an always competitive game plan against a well balanced North team who were being called ‘the form side of the competition’ only 2 weeks ago: Sydney trying to keep it to an ugly, scrappy game and North trying to open it up and bomb it in to their tall, goofy-looking forward line. A tip? Fark me, North by two goals and Mrs Watson to call it “the most atrocious finals game I’ve ever seen”.

Terry Terrific
It looks like Richmond might finally be waking up to Terry Wallace with the club President calling the Tigers year a “5/10”. Terry responded, and this is true, by saying, “that’s a bit harsh. I’d give it a 6.5”. Ridiculous. They need to fire him ASAP. Year 4 of his 5 year plan has finished with the club in exactly the same spot it was when he took over; ninth. Now, I’m pretty sure that when Terry spelled out his 5 year plan 4 years ago, that the end goal of that plan was not to finish ninth, not to scrap into the finals, not even to make a Grand Final but to actually win a premiership, which he is nowhere near. This club will continue to go nowhere until… Wait, what am I doing? Keep up the good work Richmond! Sign Terry to an extension immediately! And sign Richo up again while you’re at it. And do you still have Kent Kingsley’s number? No? Oh well, what number will Shannon Byrnes be wearing for you guys next year?

Adelaide vs Collingwood
It’s probably the worst case scenario for Collingwood to travel to Adelaide; another win throughout the year and they would have played at home, or in Sydney, where they recently smashed the Swans. But tough fucking titties, Pies. I’m sick of hearing or reading about this club and their celebration of the mediocre. Mick Malthouse is getting crazier at the same rate his daughter is getting fatter. So they go to Adelaide. And they lose. And we laugh.

Hawthorn vs Western Bulldogs
Is it just me or did the Dogs lose interest in football after Geelong belted them? I hope these two teams belt the crap out each other. Actually, I’m hoping for a body count somewhere in the range of the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan.

Geelong vs St. Kilda
Seeing as though the Cats haven’t played St. Kilda since Round 4 there is a little bit of the unknown about them. So let me refresh your memories. They’re shit. Last time these two teams met the Cats had a pretty flat first quarter before pulling the usual “foot-to-the-floor” second quarter and had the cue securely back in the rack by the third. The final margin of 42 points could easily have been 65+. And while this time around we’ve welcomed back Brad Ottens and are trying to find room for Rooke, Mackie, Wojack and Jimmy Kelly, check out the *ahem* depth of the other “best young list” in the league, and these are all players who made their best 22 last week mind you: Gwilt, Hudghton, Gilbert, King, Birss, Blake, Jones, Scheinder, Gardiner, Eddy and Raph Clarke. Add into the equation the Cats improved form, the wide open spaces of the MCG and the fact that St. Kilda is coming off what was essentially a VFL game and it all spells T-H-U-M-P-I-N-G.

So fuck St. Kilda. Fuck the up-coming 17 Robert Walls articles during the week pumping up their chances and fuck anyone else who thinks they’re getting close to this Geelong team. It’s time to get our hands dirty. Mrs Watson, hand me my elbow length gloves...