Surviving the Game

Thanks to the genius of modern day sports scheduling, just after Australia’s international cricket calendar comes to a close, the AFL pre-season competition begins. As one door closes another door opens, and on February 25th Geelong’s door swings wide frickin’ open and has a brick shoved up against it as the Cats host Richmond on a Sunday arvo at KP.

However, before the comedy styling of a Kingsley-Richardson forward line gets underway, we need to establish some ground rules. That part of the brain that has been dormant all summer, you know, the one that thinks it’s a good idea to start drinking at 9am on a game day, and has sub-consciously come up with a litany of awful, awful things to yell out about Richmond’s newest recruit, needs time to come out of its hibernation naturally. After all, it’s only February, you gotta pace yourself. So take a break from the Aussies pounding whoever bothers to play and study up so as not to be surprised, as I present to you my NAB Cup survival guide, 2007.

Winning doesn’t mean a thing
A lesson we all had to learn the hard way last season. Granted, Mrs. Watson did warn us to keep a lid on things, but I don’t think too many of the players read that particular blog. (And I hope not too many read some of his other, more slanderous efforts. It’s a small town, you know.) Pre-season form rarely translates into form during the season proper; there are just too many variables. In March ‘06, Joel Corey kicked a 9-pointer late in the final quarter to bring the Cats all the way back and reclaim the lead. In May, that’s just another goal, and Adelaide wins the game, which leads me to my second point…

Losing doesn’t mean a thing
West Coast and Sydney were deserved grand finalists in ’06 yet were both out early in the NAB cup. Adelaide, however, probably the third rated side last year, made it all the way to the pre-season Grand Final only to lose a close one. All three teams had excellent years. What does this all mean? I’m not entirely sure as I seem to have lost my point… Wait, oh yeah, the results don’t matter. Win, lose, whatever. Just try and avoid having to play in Echuca or Swan Hill this year; think Telstra Dome has a dodgy surface? Try the Ouyen community reserve, which hasn’t seen rain since Shane Crawford had natural coloured hair.

The skills will be sloppy
I don’t know why this always seems to be the case, but invariably the first weeks of pre-season competition are marred by ugly skill errors. What do these guys do all pre-season, just run up and down sand-dunes, I mean, is there any ball work at all? Compounding this problem is the AFL’s insistence on trialing new and ridiculous rules. What is this, It’s a Knock-Out? Personally I’d like to see several wild boar randomly introduced to the field of play during the 3rd quarter, and a 50m penalty awarded each time a player used the incorrect plural expression “boars”.

The kids will get a run
Especially in the first week. As teams advance, particularly ones in precarious financial situations, more regular team players will be included in the line-up. So when Denis Pagan says he wanted to give Anthony Koutifides a proper hit-out before the season, it means the president said to play him because we need the coin. Personally I can’t wait for a look at the latest bunch of Geelong draftees, plus the inevitable 2nd year player who looks like he spent all summer drinking protein shakes and becoming well acquainted with the skin between his toes, if you know what I mean. Seriously, what are the odds Charlie Gardiner comes out looking like ‘The Ultimate Warrior’? Terry Wallace and Richmond are taking a unique approach by declaring all 22 spots up for grabs and available to the best players over the pre-season; those who reach certain training goals and targets etc. Let’s hope for our sake that somewhere on that pre-requisite list is “part-owner of shitty pub in Geelong”.

An average player will astound
Need I cast your minds back to the Kent of Kingsleys 9 goals against Carlton? The pre-season is littered with competent players destroying younger, inexperienced opponents. Look for another average forward to kick a bag in the first couple of weeks. Some early contenders are; Drew Petrie, Daniel Merret, Toby Thurstans, Troy Simmonds, and of course, The Kent himself. (Note: If this happens to a Geelong player this is not simply a case of good fortune or a bad match up. Said player is the answer to all Geelong’s forward line prayers.)

A veteran will be dealt a devastating injury
As we wait for the remaining body parts to fall off Aaron Hamill and turn to sand, during the pre-season comp another already established player will suffer a serious, possibly season ending injury during a seemingly meaningless NAB cup game. It’s fate. Call it the Luke Darcy rule. The odds on David Neitz simultaneously blowing out both knees while being manned up by an 18-year old rookie have never been shorter.

You will forget all this until your team loses
The ball is bounced and no matter who is out there, or what’s at stake, you just want them to win. It’s inevitable, but that’s alright. Personally I can’t wait, and just talking about the up-coming season with Mrs. Watson over the last couple of weeks has brought my annual, if not misguided, Geelong hopefulness to the surface again. The key is not to look to far ahead though, take it one game at a time. Richmond. February 25. Kent. Outstanding.