Trade Week, or, No-one Wants Bobo

I don’t know what has me more excited; the combination of the two Bendigo hoodrats, Dean Solomon and Chris Tarrant, and the Greater Fremantle/Perth nite club scene, or the potential Michael Gardiner/Fraser Gehrig double arrest that I have tentatively pencilled in for early May. Yep, another trade week has been and gone and it seemed a little empty this year without Geelong overpaying for a washed up full-forward, although, there were stories that The Cats were chasing John Longmire…

Thumbs up
Richmond: Let’s see, the Tigers picked up Graeme Polak, who has played 70 games, is only 22 years old, is 6’5” and plays key-position defence, and it only cost them moving back 5 places in the 1st round. Seems like a steal, right? However, the question now is what exactly is wrong with Polak? It’s like when a guy you know breaks up with an absolute stunner who was out of his league to begin with; you immediately think, ‘shit, there must be something seriously wrong with her’, but then you also think, ‘still, it’d be worth it…’ Which is exactly what Richmond did. It’s basically a cheap gamble, and because I like gambling, I’m giving it the thumbs up.

Western Bulldogs: Sure there was the whole Akermanis thing, but they also picked up Andrew MacDougall from the Eagles for a swap of 3rd round picks, which means they finally have a full-forward who doesn’t belong in the 6 foot and under league and it only cost them 5 or so places in the 3rd round. Plus he has that whole W.A. mullet thing going on. Outstanding. As for Aker, yes they got him for a good price (pick 34), yes he’ll be 30 next year, yes he is constantly seeking attention via the press (someone give the man a hug) but really, I don’t know why they wanted him. It’s not like they’re short on pace. And the guy obviously needs things going his way; winning Brownlows and premierships, nice as pie – start losing and he’s giving away team plans, calling his coach a fuckwit and isolating team-mates. If it didn’t work for Lethal I can’t see it being any different for Rocket. But we’ll see, and I guess I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt for now.

Collingwood: I must admit, I’m a bit of a Tarrant fan, but the Pies did well getting as much value for him as they did, including another top 10 pick, especially considering the last time he played a decent game The Baha Men had a no.1 single. As for Medhurst, he’s basically there to keep Alan Didak’s seat warm for him. And although they’re big shoes to fill, he already has the stumpy legs and terrible hair, so now he just needs to assault some women, drunkenly abuse some cab drivers and kick people on the field. Congratulations Collingwood, here’s another player every other AFL fan hates. Wait, did I put this in the ‘Thumbs up’ or ‘Thumbs down’ section?

Thumbs down
Fremantle: Let me get this straight; the Dockers gave up Graeme Polak, Paul Medhurst, and their 1st, 2nd and 3rd round draft picks, to get Chris Tarrant and Dean Solomon? They get Victorian games televised over there, right? I mean, I’m pretty sure Dean Solomon retired 2 years ago and just hasn’t told anyone.

St.Kilda: We all know they needed a ruckman, and that they didn’t give up too much to get him, but Michael Gardiner? I’d rather have Barry ‘The Cougar’ Dawson doing tap-work for me. It’s just not worth the extra scrutiny having ‘Chains’ Gardiner at your club – and Ross Lyon watched the 2005 Grand Final, right? Gardiner looked about as co-ordinated as a 3 day old horse. It was probably the last time he played seniors too, having lost his spot to Mark Seaby, which should tell you everything you need to know. On the bright side, at least he doesn’t have a history of alcohol & drug abuse and ties to organized crime…

Sydney & Hawthorn: I hate when writers (The Age’s Greg Baum) write articles of mock horror about trade week, using the obvious meat market analogy, when in reality, players choose the clubs they want to go to, negotiate a contract before hand, and then hold their existing club to ransom to get a deal done. Everyone knew Spida wanted to go to Sydney, everyone knew the Hawks wanted a 2nd round pick and yet the deal gets done at 1:59 on Friday. At least The Bulldogs and Brisbane had the decency to get it out of the way on Monday. If I was Andrew Demetriou I’d find some way to void this deal, just to spite Paul Roos, Alistair Clarkson and these two idiotic clubs.

No Thumbs
Geelong: Apparently, in the end, the Cats offered Steve Johnson to Essendon for a cassette copy of 1927’s Ish and the Bombers still baulked. Makes you wonder how dodgy those ankles are, and also why he hasn’t sued the Torquay Pub yet. On the bright side, discussing this potential trade with Mrs. Watson did lead to a new nickname for SJ – Bobo, due to his clown-like hair and behaviour. Tim Callan wanted out, we heard rumours of Playfair to Adelaide and James Kelly wasn’t even brought up. But you know, sometimes inaction is a good thing, especially if you look at The Cats track record in trading for washed up forwards (Brett Spinks, Mitchell White, Jason Mooney). And even better than inaction, is addition-by-subtraction, which means the delisting of Kent Kingsley could be the best move Geelong has made with a washed up forward in years.