Hay's head, Farmer's finger, Didak's elbow and Lonergan's kidney



Captain: You know, on one hand I’m kinda glad I wasn’t there, but on the other I would have liked to experience that. I’ve never been to a tied game before; how was it, the locals close to setting fire to the joint?

Mrs. Watson: In all honesty, the locals weren’t the ones to worry about. People complain about the poor behaviour exhibited by Richmond or Collingwood supporters, but in my experience, Demon fans are by far the most psychopathic bunch of knob-heads I’ve ever had to endure in the outer at KP. Year after year a particular group of Melbourne tosspots plonk themselves in our vicinity and proceed to antagonise any Cats supporter in range; a drunken attempt to drum up a barney of some sort. Last year, when a quarter time skirmish with the locals wasn’t enough to quench their thirst for bruises, they began fighting each other. This incestuous free for all resulted in a cop receiving a cup of beer in the face, before being elbowed across the chin. It was much the same this year, but it involved more blood shed. Sure, when it comes to behavioural guidelines at the football, I’m not really one to talk – hell, I’m usually the one people are complaining about – but when your day on the piss goes beyond a bit of colourful football related banter, and turns my day at the footy in my beloved outer into a very fucking distracting boxing match, I get pissed off. Seriously, between the drunken wrestling, the bloody gashes to the head, and other blatant homo-erotic behaviour, these guys would have seen about a quarter of football in total. Next year fellas, if you don’t want to watch the game, don’t fuckin’ buy a ticket! As for the Geelong fans, I think most of us at the ground were pretty happy about the outcome. It’s different when the other team chokes, I guess.

Captain: Fucking bogans. It’s interesting to note that a combined 3 seconds have separated Geelong from a Preliminary Final appearance last year and a potential finals berth this year. Let’s not dwell, however, it seems rude when Tom Lonergan was almost killed. I guess that’s one decision that’s already been made for the off-season; surely there’s no way he’ll play with one kidney. Speaking of off-season cuts, didn’t the Kent of Kingsley make an appearance?

Mrs. Watson: Apparently, yes. As per usual though, the AFL level defenders were just too much for him. Poor old Fluffy. I can see him playing for Richmond next year. His mediocrity would suit their “near enough” club-wide culture. Now that I think of it, we’ve got a few players that’d suit the Richmond mould. Which of Geelong’s unwanted are still in contract at season’s end, Captain? As far as I can tell, we really don’t have any decent trade bait at all.

Captain: I’m not too sure about the contract situation at Geelong, and I’m not too sure about who we’d want to bring in anyway. I mean, unless Judd or Kerr are available, it seems not much is worth giving up 1st round draft picks for. And I’m sure we’ll cover any potential off-season moves in our end of year review anyway. It’s probably about time to start talking finals; I wonder if any of the Melbourne media hurt themselves scrambling to get on the Freo bandwagon this week.



Mrs. Watson: Ah, man, do we really have to talk about Fremantle? I’m vomiting up lunch just at the thought of them playing finals. It’s bad enough I have to watch Jeff Farmer waving his post-goal finger for 22 Rounds a year, now it looks like I’ll have to put up with it for at least another two weeks. And if I catch even a glimpse of that twerp, Rove McManus, boasting about his team’s success, I think my television’ll be on the wrong end of coffee mug thrown curve ball style across the lounge. For God’s sake, how did this happen? I mean, surely Chris Connolly has had nothing to do with it. By the looks of him, the guy couldn’t take his mind off hot pies and soft serves long enough to mastermind a regular season victory, let alone take a crack at the Premiership. But what the hell happened between Geelong giving them an absolute flogging in WA in Round 12, and now. I mean, am I missing something here?

Captain: Yeah we’re missing something alright, that mid-season dose of Human Growth Hormone served up to the Fremantle players; if it can grow Marion Jones a set of balls it should work for Byron Shammer. But seriously, it’s gotta be a mental thing, right? Players don’t grow an extra leg (or lose them in Trent Hentschel’s case) over the length of a season. Having said that, I don’t think the Dockers will make much noise in September.

Mrs. Watson: I think that if they finish in the top 4 they’ll probably make the Grand Final. And just to clarify, it won’t be because they’re any good or because they’ve earned it in some way. It’ll be because God hates me! I mean, what sort of God breaks Trent Hentschel’s leg, destroys Lonergan’s kidney, and gives Michael O’Loughlin a game week after week? An angry, vengeful God, that’s what! Although, he did give Jon Hay a good dose of very convenient bipolar. What’s the go there?

Captain: It’s almost as if his manager convinced Hay to ‘pull a Nathan Thompson’ to stop all the shit he was copping, I mean, how heartless will the Kangaroos look now if they cut the bipolar-depressed guy and his bloated $300 000 a year contract? And if they do, he can always step it up to the ‘split-personality’ level, claiming that the Good Jon Hay just wants to play footy while Bad Jon Hay is the guy out drinking til 5am on game day at a Tasmanian casino. This is the work of an evil genius I tell you; well, either that, or I’m going to Hell.

Mrs. Watson: Yeah, you and the guy who decided Didak was an innocent man. Ridiculous! Not since Barry Hall’s pre-Grand Final let off has a more confusing decision been made.

Captain: If that was Cam Mooney we’d now be complaining about the 4 week suspension he’d just received. Do you remember some of the things ‘Tickets’ Bartel was suspended for this year? Just an absurd decision; I’m calling shenanigans on this whole fucking league. While we’re at it, do you reckon Brad Miller has anything to answer for in the hit on Lonergan?

Mrs. Watson: Nah, but maybe he could pick up the hospital bill, or at least do the same to Michael O'Loughlin.

Out.