Anyone got a light?



Captain: Channel 7 reckons they’re gonna put mini cameras in the goal posts next year and are also talking about bringing a cameraman on the field with a steady cam during breaks in play; presumably to get close ups of things like Daniel Motlop kicking for the game with both hands wrapped tightly around his own neck. It would be good if we could get some microphones out there too, pick up a few ‘Warnie-esque’ sledges. Either way I’m just glad I won’t have to listen to Steve Silvagni anymore. Seriously, do you think someone could tell him it’s Russell ROBERTSON, not ROBINSON, I mean, is that too much to ask?

Mrs. Watson: I think he knows perfectly well how to pronounce it; it just comes out that way. Milburn’s farewell bump left him with slurred speech. You should hear him try and say PIRATE SHIP. As far as Channel 7 go, I don’t really care what they’re planning to do with the AFL coverage next year, I’m won’t be watching a minute of it. I’d risk a ride home from the pub with Michael Gardiner before sitting through an AFL match commentated by that twat, McAvaney. Anyway, what good are cameras on the goal posts? I’d rather see Cheer Squad Cam; capturing every minute of the game from the depraved angle of the near-homeless. It could be a good career move for Aker: Channel 7, comments man from the cheer-squad. If we were lucky, all those ferals who he’d shaken his finger at during his many exaggerated post-goal celebrations would take the opportunity to get their own back. "Jason Akermanis, coming to you bruised, bloody, and recently made fingerless from the Collingwood cheer-squad. Back to you, Bruce."

Captain: Maybe Gardiner and SOS can car pool to Centrelink next season; Aker will probably find a job though. I tell you who I’d prefer above all of them, however; Graham Polak. Apparently he wants to leave Freo and I reckon there could be a vacancy opening up in the Geelong backline soon considering Tom Harley has played the last month with a fork well and truly stuck in him. To quote Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, he’s a fucking liability. No doubt Lips will play him on Corey Jones this week, who will dutifully kick 4 in the first quarter.

Mrs. Watson: Ah, yes, the great Corey Jones; bounds around the ground like a fucking super hero but is basically super fucking useless. I can’t see Geelong losing this weekend, seriously. Nathan Thompson was talking up the Kangaroos’ torched club rooms as some sort of mega-incentive to kick the Cats’ ass, but I don’t think any of his team mates, or anyone at the club for that matter, really gives a shit about the fire at all. I mean, did you see those rooms? The clubrooms at the Goddamn Winchelsea Tennis Club are more impressive than that squatters’ shooting gallery. And if you wanna know who lit the match, look no further than Dean Laidley. Seems to me, that a fire like that one could possibly buy that cranky bastard another year in the coaches box. Shit, that club has so much else to contend with at the moment, I dare say Laidley’s contract won’t be reviewed for at least a decade, or until he’s jailed for arson, whichever comes first.

Captain: I don’t know how guys like Adam Simpson, who played with Laidley, could take directions from him now as coach. Just looking at the guy I wouldn’t trust him to tell me where the nearest 7-eleven is.

Mrs. Watson: I don’t even remember the wanker ever playing? He’s certainly never done anything spectacular enough to warrant television replay. Was he any good?

Captain: The only way anyone besides Carey got any press on that team was if the King took a liking to your wife. And no offence to Mrs. Laidley, but I reckon she might be right at home in the cheer squad. Was he any good? Put it this way; his current Kangaroo equivalent is probably Brady Rawlings. Moving away from the Kangaroos, (moving away, get it? I know, very clever…) is it too early to start hoping for teams above Geelong on the ladder to lose? I mean, I usually like to see Richmond get belted, but at least now it’s for a reason.

Mrs. Watson: No, not too early. I’ve been running through every scenario in my mind for the past month. The conclusion I’ve come to is that we’ve probably got around a 20% chance of making it. Not good odds, but we’re in with a chance at least. Probably doesn’t matter though, everyone is calling this weekend’s Eagles v Crows match the grand final preview, but I don’t think that’s correct. I rang Subiaco this morning and they confirmed that no, there wouldn’t be a boring as bat shit ex-players parade, a lame ass rendition of "We Are Australian", or a completely unworthy winner of the Norm Smith medal awarded post-game. How dare they call it a preview!? I’ll book a keg any way. Crows by 30 pts. I get the feeling the Eagles are a bit of a fraud.

Captain: I’m a bit conflicted about the Eagles. When teams win ugly I usually take that as sign of a good team. But they ain’t winning anything with Quintan Lynch as their key forward. The guy looks like he was lucky to make it out of the house. Bring on the McDougall! Or, before his knee gave out, I might have suggested Hunter up forward a bit more regularly. Why can’t the coach think of these things? Oh well, at least they haven’t committed millions of dollars to him in a ridiculously lengthy contract that could potentially cripple any future hope for the club… Any thoughts on Melbourne v the Dogs, Mrs. Watson?



Mrs. Watson: Yep. I’ve thought a lot about it actually. In particular, I’ve thought about Nathan Carroll punching the shit out of Brad Johnson and wiping that bloody smirk off that little bastard’s face! A little harsh? Yes. But, if you’re going to grow a handle-bar moustache and gallivant about with a mullet cut, you better be able to back it up with a little unwarranted violence. Anyway, as far as I can tell, extreme violence might be the only answer to stopping Johnson. Either that, or somehow ruining his lovey dovey relationship with the entire AFL umpiring fraternity. Bulldogs, the jig is up.

Out.