Mid-Season report, or, a man is not a pot.

Is it just me, or is the AFL’s split round superbly timed? With the World Cup and the way the Aussies are performing getting major press coverage, you may as well have some down time now, right? If all goes according to current rankings, as the AFL goes back into full swing next weekend, the Socceroos will have been eliminated. And football, not soccer, will reclaim its place as the most talked about game in town, at which point Andrew Demetriou will rub his hands together, laugh and cancel the contract he had taken out on Harry Kewell.

Actually, now that I think about it, Demetriou probably had something to do with Mark Schwarzer being replaced in goal by what looked to be a cross between Jarvis Cocker and Mr. Bean, only more un-coordinated. Jesus Christ, if that clown of a goal keeper had ended up costing us a place in the 2nd round I was ready to go South American on his ass, Columbian neck-tie and all. And the worst thing was he was obviously shit; as we were watching I said something like, ‘this goalie is a fucking liability’, and sure enough, about 5 minutes later a half-assed shot is dribbled passed him and into the back of the net. “Maybe it took a deflection” came from one of my mates; “yeah, a deflection off THE MIDDLE OF HIS FUCKING HANDS!” came the reply as I was trying to find out where his kids went to school. Just a colossal fuck up even playing him at all, I mean, even Alistair Clarkson knew to keep Zac Dawson away from Jonathon Brown, but I digress…

The mid-season break! A chance to reflect, reassess, and remind you of all the things we’ve gotten right, while conveniently forgetting the things we’ve gotten completely wrong. I’ll be doing this (at the suggestion of Mrs. Watson) with the help of a 2500 year old Chinese genius, Confucius!

“The Three Armies can be deprived of their commanding officer, but even a common man cannot be deprived of his purpose.”
For the three powerhouse teams; Adelaide, West Coast, and Sydney. Each has had problems with their captains; West Coast sacking Cousins, Riccuito missing games through injury for Adelaide and Sydney not being sure of who actually is captain, yet they have continued to prosper through the efforts of their lesser lights. Look for the premiership to come from one of these three.

“Men's natures are alike; it is their habits that carry them far apart.”
To Collingwood who continue to surprise, despite having largely the same list as last season when they finished 15th. It is a compliment to their hard work, dedication and self belief they have improved so dramatically. Well, either that or they tanked last year to secure a high draft pick.

“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.”
To Justin Koshitske and his hero, David Scwartz.

“A country of a thousand war-chariots cannot be administered unless the ruler attends strictly to business, punctually observes his promises, is economical in expenditure, loves the people, and uses the labor of the peasantry only at the proper times of year.”
Mutually dedicated to Chris Connelly and Grant Thomas, two coaches who inherited excellent young lists, who had the complete backing of the administration and a healthy club both financially and membership wise and yet still dramatically under-performed. Plus, they both used peasantry at the wrong time of the year. Both must be fired.

“First and foremost, be faithful to your superiors, keep all promises, refuse the friendship of all who are not like you; and if you have made a mistake, do not be afraid of admitting the fact and amending your ways.”
Confucius also said; never call your coach a fuckwit on your own website. Aker to Sydney in ’07.

“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.”
To John Worsfold and Neil Craig: The West Coast Eagles have had about as much off-field drama as any club has in the past, not counting the Duck pegging Anthony Stevens’ wife in the bathroom. No doubt Woosha’s hard-ass approach has helped keep them together as a team with legitimate premiership claims. Adelaide hired the relatively unknown Craig after the disastrous and underachieving Gary Ayres years and in the face of many doubters has turned the club into the best in the land. He is everything Grant Thomas is not.

“To see what is right, and not to do it, is want of courage or of principle.”
Dedicated to Aaron Fiora and his St.Kilda team-mates: Soft as shite.

“Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue. The firm, the enduring, the simple, and the modest are near to virtue.”
To Terry Wallace, who won’t stop assaulting our TV screens and radio speakers with his self-serving views on the game with no thought given to anything but raising his own profile so Essendon will eventually over pay him for season 2009.

“Do not worry about not holding high position; worry rather about playing your proper role.”
To Warren Tredrea, who apparently demanded the captaincy from Matthew Primus before the big man was forced to retire, then stole his jersey number and played so poorly at full-forward that most people thought it was Primus. Warrr-ren, Warrr-ren.

“It is better to play than do nothing.”
To Essendon, Carlton, the Kangaroos and Hawthorn; at this point they are all looking towards the draft again and just hoping that no-one pulls a Koschitske on them. (By the way I think that’s the third way I’ve spelt his name already). But there is value in playing and gaining experience and even winning a few in a ‘dead’ season.

“To lead an uninstructed people to war is to throw them away.”
To Alistair Clarkson; there is a fine line between giving a teenage valuable experience and completely shattering his confidence, just ask Zac Dawson. Why did they re-appoint him, again?

“Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.”
To Bomber Thompson and the GFC: The players may have been ahead of themselves, the training staff may not have been up to par or the competition may have been underestimated. Either way, keep Cam Mooney at centre half-forward, keep competing and give yourself a chance to play finals.

“Behave when away from home as though you were in the presence of an honored guest.”
To Geelong, and other Victorian teams who don’t travel so well. The Cats must have thought the King of fucking India was in Fremantle the other week.

“The faults of a superior person are like the sun and moon. They have their faults, and everyone sees them; they change and everyone looks up to them.”
Or,
“When anger rises, think of the consequences.”
Two here for Cameron Mooney, who has curbed his formerly wild ways and frequent trips to the tribunal and become the heart and soul of the Cats; all while playing the hardest position in the game. Robert Walls went as far as to say he should be captain. We’re just glad he’s on the park every week.

“The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.”
Matthew Scarlett. Seemed appropriate to keep it short.

“When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.”
To the Geelong midfield whose insistence on chipping the ball around resulted in a 5 game losing streak, and whose transformation into a direct, long kicking unit has gotten them back on track.

“Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.”
The poor bloke cops it from everywhere, and we here at Big League Little League are no innocents ourselves. We do appreciate his competitiveness, however, and one of us thinks he should be the next captain of Geelong (coming soon). Lady-killer, this one’s for you.

“Things that are done, it is needless to speak about; things that are past, it is needless to blame.”
To the Geelong fans who, not unlike in Ghostbusters 2, feed a river of negative energy that flows onto the field. As Mrs. Watson said a few weeks back: “Stop threatening to throw away your membership. Stop booing the team off K-park. Stop feeding the Geelong Fucking Advertiser with your half-assed miracle solution to the team’s forward line problems, and start showing up at games again. Keep the fuckin’ faith, you idiots.”

Speaking of faith, I reckon we’re a chance this week at Footy Park (what a typically idiotically named South Australian stadium) and I reckon the great man from 550 B.C. China thinks so too; “Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.” Word, Confucius, word.