The curse of the carrot top

This season has seen the beginning of a new chapter, in a very old and long book, from the library that is the Geelong Football club. And if said, ridiculously used as a euphemism book had a name, it would be Blood Nut: Redheads and the Geelong Football club, a history.

Yes, the Cats boast a proud history with the red knobber, one which has been added to with the short first appearance of borderline rusty crotch Brent Prismall and the pre-season debut of carrot topped midfielder Nick Batchelor. These two youngsters join a long line of famous fanta-pants Geelong players and join Cameron Ling as the only other current Ginger Meggs’. So without further ado, here is a brief rundown of former Geelong blood nuts, from the 1980’s onwards.

Neville Bruns: Young Cats fans used to flock to his sporting goods store’s in late 80’s and early 90’s, purely in the hope of catching a glimpse of the diminutive redheaded rover who lived up to the tag of ‘fiery red head’. Let’s face it though, most red heads get their temper due to constantly having shit hung on them about their hair colour. Stupid knobber.

Damien Bourke: A red-headed captain was unheard of until Geelong opened the doors for equality among the hair colour challenged. The big man in the middle anchored those famously high scoring teams of the Malcolm Blight era and later settled out of court with Don Burke over the naming of his garden supply business, ‘Bourke’s Front-yard’. I bet they needed high powered lawyers for that case, “but, your honour, ours is Bourke’s front yard… FRONT YARD!”

Barry Stoneham: One of the best centre-half forwards in Geelong history, Bazza had a career shortened by injury, yet lengthened by his orange hair. My own Stoneham experience happened while I was eating a hotdog late at night, after a big session on the sauce. Stoneham, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, asked me how it was, to which I replied, “About as good as that shirt.” To this day I still haven’t thanked him for not beating me.

Darren Forssman: Largely underappreciated player, who was once famously called ‘Darren Foreskin’ by a drunken fan in the outer. Went on to sell security systems door-to-door. I’d call him a red headed success.

Tim McGrath: Given the common rusty crotch nickname of ‘Bluey’, Tim McGrath was reliable and rarely beaten at centre-half back. Matched up surprising well with Wayne Carey on the field, but was always beaten badly by the Duck in the ladies department. No shame in that.

Cameron Ling: Previously one of Geelong’s most reliable midfielders, Lady-killer Ling is slowly catching up to past form. Carrying the torch for the new breed of blood nuts at the club, he is indeed a beacon for the younger generation, both figuratively and literally.

Footnote: With Jason Akermanis seemingly destined to become available at seasons end, perhaps the place he would feel most comfortable is in Geelong, with our proud association with the fair-headed. Perhaps his troubles in Brisbane stem from the shame of his hair colour, forcing him to don the ridiculous white hair-black beard combo. There would be no need for ‘Aka’ to take the peroxide route here, no, in these parts, you can be proud to be red.