Waiting for the Bubble to Burst



Collingwood. Who would have thought, ay? After six rounds, those toothless ferals find themselves atop the AFL Premiership Ladder, and fair enough too; after all they’ve won enough games to be there. But don’t get ahead of yourselves, Collingwood supporters. Your team is yet to leave Melbourne, and I gotta tell ya, while your 5 game winning streak is legitimate, you’ve only really beaten…hmm, how should I put this?...shithouse teams. Please, allow me to elaborate…

If any of the last five wins have meant anything, it’s probably the Magpies thumping of the Hawks in Round 2. In my opinion, Hawthorn isn’t a great side, but they’re playing tough football, and of recent times haven’t conceded victory without a good midfield skirmish. The Hawks are currently 5th on the ladder, and while I don’t think they’ll stay there for long, of all Collingwood’s wins so far this season, this was their most convincing. The next four rounds saw the Magpies beat four of the five bottom sides on the AFL ladder: the Kangaroos (12th) which, quite frankly, have been an absolute embarrassment so far this year; a Lloyd-less Essendon (14th) on ANZAC day by only 17pts; Pt Adelaide (13th) in Melbourne; and, everyone’s whipping boy, Carlton (15th) last week.

Now, don’t get me wrong Magpies fans, these are good victories, but by looking at this early season breakdown, it’s pretty easy to see why your team is on top of the ladder – Collingwood’s draw, so far, has been very Goddamn kind! In Round 1, the Magpies got pumped by Adelaide in Melbourne. No surprises there, I guess, but a 34pt loss at home to an interstate side is not flattering. In fact, I’d say that this loss says more about Collingwood’s real ability, than the team’s last 5 wins. Against good sides, you fuckers stink!

Collingwood’s new found confidence is completely unwarranted, and not just because of unconvincing victories against below par sides, but also because the team itself is no different to the team that last year, and the year before, well….sucked ass. Think about it; how is this team any different from last year? Dale Thomas? C’mon! The guy takes a schoolyard hanger on ANZAC day and every member of the Collingwood cheer squad gets a boner (yes, that does include the females, but who can tell the difference in cheer squads?). [Also, I’d have serious reservations about the future prospects of anyone named Dale – Captain] I remember after Jared Brennan played one good game in his rookie season, the entire state of QLD had him pegged for a Brownlow medal, and where’s that jerk now?

I’d encourage those Collingwood folks gleaming with confidence at the moment to put a lid on it, except the more they gloat now, the stupider they’ll look when the black and white bubble bursts, spewing shit over every member of the McGuire freak show. But just quietly: take it from a Geelong supporter in 2006, Collingwood fans, DON’T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELVES!

Expect a trouncing in WA, Magpies. And before you start smiling Cats supporters, we can expect one tonight as well. It’ll be a depressing ol’ weekend in G-town.

Out.