Text, Lies & Videotape
As I mentioned in the previous blog, I was at a wedding last weekend and couldn't watch the game. I entrusted Mrs Watson with providing score updates that I could sneakily check between courses, bad speeches and Clare Valley Shiraz. Unfortunately, the wedding being in rural Victoria, I had zero reception and thus did not get a single score. In the morning, however, with a couple of hundred kms behind me, the following messages were waiting for me.
As I mentioned in the previous blog, I was at a wedding last weekend and couldn't watch the game. I entrusted Mrs Watson with providing score updates that I could sneakily check between courses, bad speeches and Clare Valley Shiraz. Unfortunately, the wedding being in rural Victoria, I had zero reception and thus did not get a single score. In the morning, however, with a couple of hundred kms behind me, the following messages were waiting for me.- Chappy has a beer gut.
- Sandilands is fucking raping us.
- As is Lonergan.
- Fyfe with the classic Perth haircut: 6 years ago, worst nightclub in town.
- We got a good fucking manly battle happening here. Tough stuff. I’m erect. I hope you are later. With a bridesmaid. Givem the sex!!
- Scarlett just punched ballantyne in the head.
- Fork. Chapman. Put.
- Woody looks good. Quite good.
- I think I have a new most hated team.
- Fuck.
- I can’t handle Fyfe’s hair.
posted by the captain at 10:12 pm
20 Comments:
With all due respect to Mrs Watson, but fuck calling time on Chappy. The same bits of cutlery were out for Ling after the 2010 PF and he went on the next year to remind people that you write off members of this team (excluding Shan Shan) at your peril.
Woody?
Guthrie!!
Guthrie!!
Not Arlo?
Savannah maybe?
I agree with Attila re Watto's Fork in Chappy? A little premature. Mrs W and The Cap have made some outstanding calls on several players from the Cats lineups past and present (not just the Hank Playfairs and the Kent of Kingsley - they are free hits) but assessments from the two of you are occasionally off the mark ala Mumford, Muscles Mackie, Tickets Bartel. Chapman has plenty of credit in the bank yet and if anything is a little underdone for kms at the moment. If he were carrying anywhere between 1 to 12 hamstring niggles, then Watson might have a point.
Legend has it that Chappy is the instigator of the "never lose to Hawthorn again" mantra, post 2008. I look forward to seeing if the Cats can uphold the promise under a little adversity.
Can the description of the "classic Perth haircut" be simplified to "Geelong minus 3yrs, multiple venues?
For the record, I would have texted:
Corey going about business as usual
J.Hunt would come in handy
If we can get Motlop 20 plus touches a game, he will tear some sides apart
Bundy needed the run, don't back him till round 4
That big prick Sandilands is raping us
At times Beans Lonergan seems to be holding our arms while Sandilands rapes us
Hawkins sprayed a couple of set shots, but workrate is high and contested marks/goals against decent defenders are encouraging
...fustercluck...
Don't worry about Chappy lads, he's a star.
One thing I've noticed about the Cats, especially as years go by, is that they just do enough in the regular season at times to get the job done. At times they'll sit back & not worry too much about in & under, preferring to just try & be slick in transition with open footy. This can result in them playing like a busted arse before clicking into gear in finals & tearing the opposition a new one. 2009? 2011?
Better that they end up on the wrong side of one or two close games for a change. It'll give them a swift kick up the arse & make them realise they won't be able to play at 75% forever & get away with it. The losses of Ottens, Ling, Milburn & Mooney will bite hard!
Hopefully tomorrow they crack in & win the hard sherrin. Then they'll be more than capable of beating the poo's & wee's.
PS: Hawkins is only good for taking chest marks & kicking it off the ground in the square. People can talk to me about him coming of age when he takes them in the "dukes" & kicks the goals forwards are paid to kick. It'll never happen.
The B Man.
I reckon I was a bit harsh on the Tomahawk. More than happy to back pedal at 100 miles an hour & eat my words after a performance like that!
The B Man.
Back pedal noted however:
"PS: Hawkins is only good for taking chest marks & kicking it off the ground in the square. People can talk to me about him coming of age when he takes them in the "dukes" & kicks the goals forwards are paid to kick. It'll never happen."
You left out the bit about marking a wet pill in the "dukes" while riding defenders like a mechanical bull.
That happened. Not just on Monday. Not ready to call him a gun yet, but I'm at the "glad we have him/don't have to come up against him" stage.
Anyone doubting Selwos appointment as skipper, I hope you read the resume that he put forward on Monday afternoon. That is precisely what leadership material is. Anyone calling him a "ducker" or a "cheat that gets cheap frees" can go fuck themselves with the back end of Stephen Milne's Torana.
Go Cats/Die Hoax
...fustercluck...
Yeah, good call with Hawk. He has the ability to handle a wet ball, but I think needs to have opponents looking over their shoulder and fearful of backing into packs. Perhaps he needs to spend a lost weekend at the Dasher Milburn Academy of Mongrel!
Shan Shan has surely earned a permanent VFL gig after Monday's pitiful effort.
Also, watch the last quarter for a very underrated performance from Muscles Mackie. He was in everything; right down to the last couple of seconds when Roughead blew his chance on the fairytale return game. Who put the fist on Roughy's third attempt at controlling the ball/mark? Muscles was everywhere!
- Basso Divor
Yes his mechanical bull work is duly noted. He does look a lot better when he attacks the contest like that. Can I save some face by still getting the absolute shits at his set shots?
You're correct about Selwood. He wouldn't get hit in the head if the opposition got to the footy first but he's too tough for them.
And yes, a loss for the poos & wees is a win for mankind.
Also, I was getting a little turned on by the sight of his majesty Sir Maximus Rooke participating in the warm up on Monday. Then I got sad that he wasn't playing. For fuck sake, buy him a new knee or put some more calf blood in there!
The B Man.
Was there anyone who doubted Selwood's appointment though? The guy had "Future Captain" written on his forehead when he walked through the door. Plus, he has already taken Steven King's title of "Captain with the hottest missus". Poor Lingy was never in the hunt for that award unfortunately.
The Sellwood doubters are mostly the unwashed and uninformed of the so called "black and white army" that are tutored well enough to be able to digest the grade 4 English served up by the HS website and thus comment online. Perhaps trying to divert attention from their "enviable" succession plan.
...f...
Oh, and what the fuck is Matthew Knights doing coaching our VFL team? He was coaching Xavier College last time I looked - a job suited to his "talents".
Does Chris Scott just point and laugh at him when they pass in the corridor?
attila,
I'm not sure that M Knights has ever been in the corridor, let alone encouraged anyone to use it.
...fustercluck...
Ah yes, in the excitement I forgot all about Collingwood's "enviable" succession plan. I wait with baited breath for the day that the Pies administrators cut FigJam out of the coaching role they so happily gifted him (snigger).
Alex Fasolo = overrated.
Please remove the number 1 from his back and replace it with 47 or something similar.
...f...
I must admit I am heading towards an apology to Mrs Watson re Chappy - he is currently 0 - 3 and was humiliated several times against Norf.
I am not hitting the panic button yet generally, but I sincerely hope that we do a 2007-esque "loss to North, bounce back to molest the tigers" next game.
Let's see how we go when there's a few less of our under 19's carrying the load
alex Fasolo, the next Dwayne Beams? Or Jarrod Sinclair? He should be playing for carlton
Chappy - has to play forward. Not mid. Will tear the tigers a new one for sure
Jim dandy
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