Question & Answer, or, Don't Stop Believin'
Firstly, thanks to all who responded with questions or comments or comments disguised as questions. Some questions didn’t make it for space, some because they were essentially rhetorical and some because I couldn’t think of any jokes, but thanks to all nonetheless.
Secondly, we have to work out this Chris Jackson thing. One of you needs to us a nickname or a full(er) name or something. I’m even quite happy to throw it over to the other readers for some suggestions after I offer up the humble “CJ”. And how is it possible that a blog with four readers ends up with two of the same name? Never mind. On to the questions, starting with “you know who”…
Who do you think best qualifies for the following statement in the AFL: “They are like the island in "Lost" - you never know who will show up next or who might be brought back from the dead." Dogs, Saints or Freo?
- Chris Jackson
Captain: Can I also nominate Adelaide? The missing 75 pieces of Trent Hentschel’s knee have shown up, the corpse of Brett Burton is currently being resurrected and the skill that made them a top four side is clearly stuck in some sort of alternate universe.
Is there a current AFL big name player that is pound for pound more of a big game liability than Kosi?
- Fustercluck
Captain: The short answer is, other than several Bulldogs, no. The long answer is the first of a possibly ongoing gimmick called, “Overrated-Underrated”! (Sort of like a mini-blog within a blog. 2-for-1 this week! Shop around, you can't beat that!)
Overrated
Justin Kosichtzke – When asked on Footy Classified two weeks ago if Kosi was overrated, Grant Thomas replied with something close to, ‘he’s not, but his output has not matched expectations.’ Hmm, did you not just define overrated?
Anyone other than St Kilda or Geelong – The flag still goes through these two. The Dogs, Pies and Hawks are all just flavour of the month stuff.
My hangover back-up-ability – Overrated only by me; Mrs Watson buried me (and a few others) during this year’s annual Easter Bender. He’s unstoppable. At this point I’m pretty sure he has the same kidney/liver capacity as Keith Richards.
Cyril Rioli – Named No. 37 on Sheahan’s top 50 ahead of Marc Murphy, Shaun Higgins, Bernie Vince and Brad Sewell, to name a few. Then Dermott Brereton apparently called him potentially the best Aboriginal player ever. Hmm, let’s see; Andrew McLeod, Adam Goodes and Gavin Wanganeen, three Brownlow medallists mind you, or a flash in the pan, two-good-things-a-game, soft-as-shyte, crumbing forward flanker? Mike and Dermott, get f#cked.
Richmond’s future – If one’s future is so bright they have to wear shades, what do Richmond need, one of those mining helmets with the torch on top?
Bryce Gibbs – An excellent kick, yes, but other than that I just don’t see it. But perhaps I’m being a little harsh/premature.
Grill’d Burger – They keep popping up while Urban Burger keeps closing down.
Steve Johnson – Look, Steve, we appreciate what you’ve done the past few years, and everyone loves the impossible boundary line goals, but could you try and take possession without diving for a free kick just once this year? You’re turning into Geelong’s Jurgen Klinsman. You’re turning Mrs Watson into the Incredible Hulk; he just ends up growling that you’re making him, “so angry”.
Underrated
Sydney (The Swans, not the city) – Two wins from two games and they appear to be playing a more up-tempo style of play with Adam Goodes playing deep in the forward 50.
Mrs Watson’s straight line speed – He’s deceptively fast.
Tom Lonergan – Kept Scott Gumbleton to virtually nothing in Round One, backed it up with an excellent job on Buddy Franklin last week and, importantly, he hasn’t been giving away those ridiculous free kicks that plagued him last season.
Harry Taylor – Best centre-half back in the league. Would probably go alright at CHF too.
Josh Hunt’s return to Geelong’s defence – His kicking was excellent against the Hawthorn zone when precision was needed. I’d still like to see him get up the ground a little bit more and drive the ball deep in the forward 50.
Urban Burger – I just prefer them, ok?
Malcolm Blight – The most interesting commentator we’ve got and Channel 10 bury him on Sunday afternoons, doing Adelaide v North Melbourne games. Remember when he said “Rat’s toss-bag” on live TV as Stephen Quartermain stared on in disbelief? Good times.
Is it possible that I have been too hard on Shannon Byrnes in the past?
- Tee from Vancouver
Captain: No, he thoroughly deserved it, but I like to think it was character building; or, as his lawyers called it, “character assassination”.
Oh, and here's a question - under Chris Judd as captain, West Coast imploded and were exposed as a bunch of mafia wannabes and drug fiends. Under Chris Judd as captain, Carlton have been exposed as bunch of wannabe footballers and drunken clowns - what cursed luck. Given Judd can do no wrong, and is as close to a Mother Theresa/Ghandi figure that the AFL has ever seen, does that make him the gosh darndest unluckiest captain there has ever been?
- Atilla
Captain: There’s a bit of Jaques Kallis about Judd, I reckon; Terrific at what he does, probably one of the best of all time, but too aloof and self-centred to be given leadership responsibilities. So, you let him do his thing on the field, keep his media to a minimum and give the captaincy to someone the players actually like, or, a massive cheat who wagers on his own games with Indian bookmakers… Kinda like what Adelaide did.
Should I be concerned that I no longer give a shit whether Gazza stays or leaves?
- Chris Jackson in London
Captain: This is the correct Zen state to adopt: Gary is both staying and not staying.
Where will Tom Hawkins go this year? Will he ever get close to his pre-drafted reputation?
- Dean Sherr
Captain: Tommy B. Hawkins is not going to be Jonathon Brown. We all need to accept that. But will he improve? Undoubtedly. He looked pretty good against Hawthorn the way he was jumping into packs and attacking the ball, and soon enough a few of those are going to stick. I think absolute best case scenario is Stewart Loewe lite.
Will I ever be able to afford a house in Herne Hill? Anyone got Stokes number?
Will bigleaguelittleleague be added to Senator Conroy's internet Filter? When the Chinese take over, who would be their favorite team in the AFL?
- Geraldo at large
Captain: The answers to these questions all tie in together like a series of The Wire. It involves Triads, corrupt sporting officials, a meth lab, an iphone app and several signed Mathew Stokes jerseys. As Lester Freamon said, “all the pieces matter”.
Why the hell does everyone suddenly love Barry Hall these days? Why did I not hear "Don't stop believing" for 15 years between 1994 and 2009, then hear it 7,216 times in 2009?
- Chris Jackson
Captain: Maybe the same thing is happening with Barry Hall as happened with Journey: Maybe people went, “You know what, it’s great to have some Barry Hall back in my life!” But, like Journey, Barry will eventually remind people why no-one wanted to hear his song for the past two years.
Captain, have you actually found an interesting and entertaining use for Twitter?
- Captain, Big League Little League
Captain: Yeah, that’s right; I’m asking myself a question. And funny I should mention twitter, because I will be providing live tweets throughout a yet to be chosen, live televised Geelong game at some point this year. So for those who are not on twitter, get involved and join me (and hopefully Mrs W) @bigleaguelittle on Twitter and I’ll keep you updated on when we’ll be doing this. I look forward to several “Russell Robertson is doing Nothern Territory infomercials?” jokes!
Firstly, thanks to all who responded with questions or comments or comments disguised as questions. Some questions didn’t make it for space, some because they were essentially rhetorical and some because I couldn’t think of any jokes, but thanks to all nonetheless.Secondly, we have to work out this Chris Jackson thing. One of you needs to us a nickname or a full(er) name or something. I’m even quite happy to throw it over to the other readers for some suggestions after I offer up the humble “CJ”. And how is it possible that a blog with four readers ends up with two of the same name? Never mind. On to the questions, starting with “you know who”…
Who do you think best qualifies for the following statement in the AFL: “They are like the island in "Lost" - you never know who will show up next or who might be brought back from the dead." Dogs, Saints or Freo?
- Chris Jackson
Captain: Can I also nominate Adelaide? The missing 75 pieces of Trent Hentschel’s knee have shown up, the corpse of Brett Burton is currently being resurrected and the skill that made them a top four side is clearly stuck in some sort of alternate universe.
Is there a current AFL big name player that is pound for pound more of a big game liability than Kosi?
- Fustercluck
Captain: The short answer is, other than several Bulldogs, no. The long answer is the first of a possibly ongoing gimmick called, “Overrated-Underrated”! (Sort of like a mini-blog within a blog. 2-for-1 this week! Shop around, you can't beat that!)
Overrated
Justin Kosichtzke – When asked on Footy Classified two weeks ago if Kosi was overrated, Grant Thomas replied with something close to, ‘he’s not, but his output has not matched expectations.’ Hmm, did you not just define overrated?
Anyone other than St Kilda or Geelong – The flag still goes through these two. The Dogs, Pies and Hawks are all just flavour of the month stuff.
My hangover back-up-ability – Overrated only by me; Mrs Watson buried me (and a few others) during this year’s annual Easter Bender. He’s unstoppable. At this point I’m pretty sure he has the same kidney/liver capacity as Keith Richards.
Cyril Rioli – Named No. 37 on Sheahan’s top 50 ahead of Marc Murphy, Shaun Higgins, Bernie Vince and Brad Sewell, to name a few. Then Dermott Brereton apparently called him potentially the best Aboriginal player ever. Hmm, let’s see; Andrew McLeod, Adam Goodes and Gavin Wanganeen, three Brownlow medallists mind you, or a flash in the pan, two-good-things-a-game, soft-as-shyte, crumbing forward flanker? Mike and Dermott, get f#cked.
Richmond’s future – If one’s future is so bright they have to wear shades, what do Richmond need, one of those mining helmets with the torch on top?
Bryce Gibbs – An excellent kick, yes, but other than that I just don’t see it. But perhaps I’m being a little harsh/premature.
Grill’d Burger – They keep popping up while Urban Burger keeps closing down.
Steve Johnson – Look, Steve, we appreciate what you’ve done the past few years, and everyone loves the impossible boundary line goals, but could you try and take possession without diving for a free kick just once this year? You’re turning into Geelong’s Jurgen Klinsman. You’re turning Mrs Watson into the Incredible Hulk; he just ends up growling that you’re making him, “so angry”.
Underrated
Sydney (The Swans, not the city) – Two wins from two games and they appear to be playing a more up-tempo style of play with Adam Goodes playing deep in the forward 50.
Mrs Watson’s straight line speed – He’s deceptively fast.
Tom Lonergan – Kept Scott Gumbleton to virtually nothing in Round One, backed it up with an excellent job on Buddy Franklin last week and, importantly, he hasn’t been giving away those ridiculous free kicks that plagued him last season.
Harry Taylor – Best centre-half back in the league. Would probably go alright at CHF too.
Josh Hunt’s return to Geelong’s defence – His kicking was excellent against the Hawthorn zone when precision was needed. I’d still like to see him get up the ground a little bit more and drive the ball deep in the forward 50.
Urban Burger – I just prefer them, ok?
Malcolm Blight – The most interesting commentator we’ve got and Channel 10 bury him on Sunday afternoons, doing Adelaide v North Melbourne games. Remember when he said “Rat’s toss-bag” on live TV as Stephen Quartermain stared on in disbelief? Good times.
Is it possible that I have been too hard on Shannon Byrnes in the past?
- Tee from Vancouver
Captain: No, he thoroughly deserved it, but I like to think it was character building; or, as his lawyers called it, “character assassination”.
Oh, and here's a question - under Chris Judd as captain, West Coast imploded and were exposed as a bunch of mafia wannabes and drug fiends. Under Chris Judd as captain, Carlton have been exposed as bunch of wannabe footballers and drunken clowns - what cursed luck. Given Judd can do no wrong, and is as close to a Mother Theresa/Ghandi figure that the AFL has ever seen, does that make him the gosh darndest unluckiest captain there has ever been?
- Atilla
Captain: There’s a bit of Jaques Kallis about Judd, I reckon; Terrific at what he does, probably one of the best of all time, but too aloof and self-centred to be given leadership responsibilities. So, you let him do his thing on the field, keep his media to a minimum and give the captaincy to someone the players actually like, or, a massive cheat who wagers on his own games with Indian bookmakers… Kinda like what Adelaide did.
Should I be concerned that I no longer give a shit whether Gazza stays or leaves?
- Chris Jackson in London
Captain: This is the correct Zen state to adopt: Gary is both staying and not staying.
Where will Tom Hawkins go this year? Will he ever get close to his pre-drafted reputation?
- Dean Sherr
Captain: Tommy B. Hawkins is not going to be Jonathon Brown. We all need to accept that. But will he improve? Undoubtedly. He looked pretty good against Hawthorn the way he was jumping into packs and attacking the ball, and soon enough a few of those are going to stick. I think absolute best case scenario is Stewart Loewe lite.
Will I ever be able to afford a house in Herne Hill? Anyone got Stokes number?
Will bigleaguelittleleague be added to Senator Conroy's internet Filter? When the Chinese take over, who would be their favorite team in the AFL?
- Geraldo at large
Captain: The answers to these questions all tie in together like a series of The Wire. It involves Triads, corrupt sporting officials, a meth lab, an iphone app and several signed Mathew Stokes jerseys. As Lester Freamon said, “all the pieces matter”.
Why the hell does everyone suddenly love Barry Hall these days? Why did I not hear "Don't stop believing" for 15 years between 1994 and 2009, then hear it 7,216 times in 2009?
- Chris Jackson
Captain: Maybe the same thing is happening with Barry Hall as happened with Journey: Maybe people went, “You know what, it’s great to have some Barry Hall back in my life!” But, like Journey, Barry will eventually remind people why no-one wanted to hear his song for the past two years.
Captain, have you actually found an interesting and entertaining use for Twitter?
- Captain, Big League Little League
Captain: Yeah, that’s right; I’m asking myself a question. And funny I should mention twitter, because I will be providing live tweets throughout a yet to be chosen, live televised Geelong game at some point this year. So for those who are not on twitter, get involved and join me (and hopefully Mrs W) @bigleaguelittle on Twitter and I’ll keep you updated on when we’ll be doing this. I look forward to several “Russell Robertson is doing Nothern Territory infomercials?” jokes!
posted by the captain at 6:21 pm
25 Comments:
If I were named Chris Jackson (which isn't beyond the realms of possibility on this blog) I would be diving on "Action Jackson" as a nickname asap, but maybe that's just me and my Carl Weathers issues.
Oh, and Shiels challenged and lost, so he gets two weeks - sucked in, sniper. Still, Osborne, whose hit was actually much worse, gets one - thus showing how retarded the whole system is.
Great fucking blog. Woke up this morning and laughed my arse off.
Correction thought, Sydney are 1-1. They lost to St Kilda.
-Tee from Vancouver
That photo is gold and I love the Kallis reference
Trust me - I'm not 'diving on "Action Jackson"'as a nick anytime real soon ;-)
I didn't go to LSU and get drafted 3rd by Denver either.
I'm the original, the other fella is in Canberra and his name ain't Chris.
And the Chris-off begins.....
Your loss CJ...
So, I assume we are all agreed that it is time for Lips to do his best "Liam Neeson slumming in a shitty remake of an awesome 80's film" impersonation and - Unleash the Pods! ?
Friday night footy has delivered again. What a shit game of footy.
Can we now draw a red line through Collingwood's "contender" tag? I know it is only round 3 but I reckon they is rooted.
Hmm....lets play the same gameplan (monkey-flood) as a team that has way better personnel than us (StKilda)...
Sharp coaching Malthouse.
The mighty cream-pies (I'm not talking about pastry) couldn't even bury StKilda after they lost spooner #1 to a hamstring in the 2nd quarter. Looking forward to seeing the Saints without their skipper.
Nice lap of honour there too Saints and Ross Lyon couldn't pat himself on the back any harder. And I thought Al Clarkson was a cocky bitch.
All aboard the fail train.
I have no sympathy for teams that refuse to take their chances and attack defensive zones head on. Ask the Bulldogs, they chickened out in the prelim. of 2009 against tha Saints and it cost them a shot at a flag.
The reluctance of teams to take the game on is why we were forced to sit through 3 years of the Sydney fucking Swans turning the game into a backed up dunny.
I'd rather watch the Cats and the Bulldogs play.
What I did watch during the week was a replay of the 1994 Grand Final.
Some familiar faces, some forgotten.
Mick Malthouse, back we he could coach. Malcolm Blight, great coach out of luck again, but that was his last day in the box for the Cats. 2 flags at Adelaide would follow. That prick Gary Ayres, dumber than a handfull of plankton, waiting to lead the Cats into the Bleak Era.
David Mencsh, Hank Playfair prototype. Leigh Tudor, doing a Shannon Brynes impression circa 2007-2008. Andrew Wills, bald before it was cool to be bald, before bald Cats players were awesome. Steven Handley, uber ugly ranger that makes Blakey look good, aesthetically and as a player.
As the Captain says:
Good times
...fustercluck...
P.S.
Go Pods
Jesus, you'd think they'd won the premiership! The local TV newsreaders gushed uncontrollably over the "giant killers." They're probably even running nude down Market Street.
Yep, they beat the reigning premier missing six premiership players including their number one ruckman, full forward and full back forcing the introduction of two debutantes. I bet Crowley's Whorethorn-esque sniping would have been curtailed if Max Rooke was dispensed to help Gaz shake the tag.
Still, congratulations and let them them celebrate. Only 19 weeks until the real football starts!
-Basso Divor
Did anyone manage to get the rego of that P76 that just run us over?
I still have faith in you Captain.
Basso, Crowley managed to snipe 'lil Gaz into a lazy 4 majors.
Let them celebrate, the silly dicks, they are in way over their heads now. Look for Harvey to be re-signed ASAP. I hope you are able to pick up a newspaper this week without gagging Basso, but I don't like your chances.
Oh well the Cats get to skewer Port at home next Sat, Pods must play. Nearly won us the game.
My top four at end of Rd 22 reads in no particular order: Cats, Dogs, Lions and a wildcard. Hoax are not good enough, StKilda no certainties now with spooner 1.0 applying Blu Tac to his hamstring. I'd be happy to debate my prediction with anyone.
Speaking of Nick Riewoldt, geez, do you think Nathan Brown and the Triple M commentary team are gonna ask for the brownlow back, after they awarded him one last week, after 2 rounds?
I gave Malthouse a rip earlier in the week, but he has redeemed himself by verbalising what everyone else thinks, that the Tip Rat is a fucking rapist. Cheers to you Mick, from me and all the lip readers of Australia.
...fustercluck...
"I gave Malthouse a rip earlier in the week, but he has redeemed himself by verbalising what everyone else thinks, that the Tip Rat is a fucking rapist. Cheers to you Mick, from me and all the lip readers of Australia."
Gold for Clusterfuck. Best call of the season so far.
Yep, spot on Fuster!
Also, good call when you said, "I hope you are able to pick up a newspaper this week without gagging Basso, but I don't like your chances."
Dorkers were on the front AND back pages of this morning's The West Australian!
Gagging? I was spewing chunks!
Lucky for Tee, who has pissed off to Canada and doesn't have to put up with this shit!
I'm looking forward to The Cats getting back to near full strength this Saturday and tearing The Power a new one!
- Basso Divor
Whoops, small typo; I meant Fustercluck, of course. Sincere apologies (probably completely redundant on this blog!)
Lethal, I think someone called me cousinfuck and fucked a slut at some stage in 07 or 08, so I'm cool with the typo.
Not looking for excuses (more interested in conspiracy theories) but since when do they stretcher off ankle injuries? Was his ankle concussed? Hmm??
...fustercluck...
Yeah, that is some rolled gold from Fuster.
What also amused me was that that the paper described Milne's fine as being for *wrongly* accusing Licuria of being a horse's hoof, but that Malthouse was fined for calling Milne a "fucking rapist". I guess the Hun doesn't feel it was a wrong accusation either.
And just to add to the fun, McGuire's explanation for Malthouse lying about the whole thing was that he was "just trying to hose it down". Great excuse, was that what Didak was doing when he told the cops he had blacked out?
Given it involes the Saints and the Pies, and both sides coming out poorer and looking like shitbags, it really is a win win situation for the rest of us. Good times.
Reading that blog hurt my eyes, literally. Can you please refrain from using orange text in future. Many thanks. Silkworm.
We are the mighty flying Hoax!!
Did someone mention recently that Delicious Rioli is as soft as shit?
Fairly good call that.
And the Magpie heads are a-wobbling.
Go Cats!
...fustercluck...
3 cheers to the first ass-hatting of 2010. Bring on the Tigers in 2 weeks!!
And what about the iPod!!!!
...fustercluck...
It feels a little like Christmas and I got both my wishes - The Cats tore Port a new one and the Freo shockers were found out by a team operating at 90% full strength ... A week is a long time in footy!
It'll be nice going into work tomorrow!
Go Cats (& Podsy!)
- Basso Divor
I had the pleasure of watching the ass-hatting from the K-rock commentary box. It was fun, but what the hell is Darren Berry doing calling football? Oh, and I reckon Andrew Bews could still whack on the boots if asked, and Scotty Cummings looks like he has eaten a fellow commentator or two.
That third quarter was a thing of beauty. 6 goals to Dog and he barely got in the votes. Pods shat all over Hatchet, both with his workrate and his marking.
Carlton are shit, and Ling had a pretty ordinary day by his standards yesterday, so hopefully he spends the day in Judd's back pocket, wiping that semi-permanent shit eating grin off Judd's face.
With the Riewoldt hamstring ripped off the bone and Melbourne Storm done for cheating and as a result minus 2 flags, here's hoping Molly Meldrum wasn't rooting Carl Williams as well.
The bloke needs a bit of good luck.
...fustercluck...
P.S. have a look at Melbourne band Electric Mary on YouTube.
Who does the singer remind you of?
First we get rolled by a "Leyland P76 team, then we get beaten by a "Dump in the Mailbox" and it looks like the Captain has been poached by GC17 or something?
I'm back on the burn Shannon bandwagon. You watch them stand by the little flea and drop Pods of something fucking silly. Lips has a history.
Personally it's about time Shannon Byrnes "took the midnight train going anywhere".
He needs to be Dale Amos' fucking problem for a month.
...fuster...
(threw the cluck at the plasma at 4pm in disgust)
Fremantle @ Freo is one thing, but losing to Carlton without Fevola there to kick a bag is something completely different.
What's Geelong's encore, losing to Birregurra U17s?
As for Shannon Byrnes, he's an emissary of the devil. Don't get sucked in by him!
What, no bitter and angry post after a loss?
You've changed ...
The Saints fail to kick more than 50 points 2 weeks running. They are G-A-W-N, kaput, finished, shot, dead in the water, toasted, iced etc. Oh yeah, and I fucdking hate them, like I hated Hawthorn, back when they were still in the AFL
I plan to feast on watching them row the premiership canoe upstream for the next 16 weeks!!!
Ha Ha fucking Ha.....
But they beat the Bulldogs??? WTF?
Ross Lyon has that bit of good form to hang his hat on.
I am sick of looking at Neal Schon, Roberta Williams and strangely, I am worried about Gra Gra B, wher the fuck is he this season? His smut, while not quite on par with Mrs Watson, is amusing.
...fustercluck...
PODS!!!
Wells you recruiting fucking genius!!
It's about time the Swans learned the pecking order.
Go Cats
...fustercluck...
Recruiting genius? While I am a huge Stephen Wells fan (I was seriously scared, more than any player, that we were going to lose him to one of the new teams), in this case Pods was given a job as a fitness trainer and it was plain as Heather Graham the man could play once they saw him running around the paddock.
-Tee from Vancouver
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