Changes, or, The End for Smelly, Monty & Chas

This week, long time frustrations Shannon Byrnes and Josh Hunt have been dropped. The week before it was Chas Gardiner finally getting his VFL stripes. So, has ‘Lips’ Thompson finally wised up? In the short span of 4 games this season the changes to the Geelong team would appear, on the surface, to be minor, but they have been quite significant. Now, not all of the changes have been Thompson’s doing – injury and circumstances forcing his hand somewhat, and perhaps we shouldn’t underestimate the Neil Balme influence – but whatever the case, each factor that has had an influence on the improvement of the side has been helped by some other factor as well as having a flow on effect to the following factor. It’s all very cyclical; without one, the other can’t happen and so on. Here are four things I believe have improved this season, and thus have improved each other. That make sense? No? Well, it’s too late now.

1. Team Selection
The previously mentioned omissions have been long overdue; Josh Hunt has been leaking goals like an incontinent pensioner for a few seasons now; ‘Point’ Byrnes (12.27 career scoring rate) has the requisite speed and apparently some strong blackmail material; and Chas Gardiner, really, should never have been in the best 22. On top of this, ‘Lips’ seems to have put an end to the Hank Playfair experiment and the Harley injury has been a happy accident. These omissions have made way for impressive rookies such as Selwood, Varcoe and Hatchet Hawkins. And, of course, the correct selection allows for the correct…

2. Player Positions
Mooney being permanently stationed at centre half forward, along with the forward rotation of ‘Sex Fingers’ Ottens, ‘Nablett’ and ‘Hatchet’ Hawkins has given the forward line some structure, consistency and ridiculous nicknames. Cameron Ling has returned to a tagging role – where he should stay until he can learn to look forward when he gets the ball. Joel Corey has played predominantly half-back giving Gary Junior and Paul Chapman their rightful opportunity in the centre. Crucially though, the injury to Harley has led to Mackie finally finding his spot, in the backline, where he has been impressive, along with the returned to form David Wojcinski, in running out of defence, which leads to…

3. Forward Line Delivery
When I say this, I refer not to every pass hitting the chest lace out, but more so where the incoming ball to the forward line is kicked from and subsequently where it’s kicked to. The best spot for the midfield to be kicking from, to deliver the ball to the most dangerous spot for the forwards, and the most uncomfortable spot for the defence, is the middle of the ground, about halfway between the centre circle and the forward 50 line. This way both sides of the ground are available, a decent kick puts the ball deep into the goal face and Cameron Ling has no chance to chip sideways to a 2-on-1. For players to get to this position quickly, however, they physically need to be able to run in numbers out of defence, which is only possible with good…

4. List Management/Fitness
Blamed for last year’s problems, this is something that already seems to have been handled a lot better. The team is fighting it out for four quarters, whether winning or losing. The youngsters Selwood and Varcoe have been played and then rested, to give their bodies a break and relieve any pressure. Niggling injuries to Brad Ottens and Nathan Ablett have been handled with precautionary kid gloves, and more long-term problems, such Hatchet’s pre-season issues, Jarad, ahem, Max Rooke’s dodgy hamstring and Travis Varcoe’s lack of a nickname are being thoroughly dealt with. These things, not to mention keeping the pissheads, such as ‘Dog’ Johnson, on a short lease, means more fit and well prepared players are available… which leads to better team selection… which leads to better, well, you know what I mean.

It also leads to fewer excuses, for the players and for Thompson. We’re willing to give the Tasmanian fiasco a ‘mulligan’ due to the shitty weather, the close margin and the fact that we had our chances to win; but not so this week. It’s time to see the best of the Cats again, before it’s too late.

An offer I couldn't refuse


“Just when I think I’m out they pull me back in”
– Michael Corleone, Godfather III

Listening to the game on Sunday, this famous quote from Pacino’s most famous character kept running through my head. Last week Geelong was all over Melbourne like stink on fish and once again, having seen them first hand, I was a believer. Screw Hawthorn and their gutless flooding tactics, screw Tasmania and their silent siren and screw the wind, the most useless of elements; I was convinced.

The Cats were tenacious the past 2 weeks; quick, physical, precise, aggressive and accurate. It was great stuff, and seemed like almost too much to take in; Nablett, Hatchet, Wojcak… Both games were over at half-time and I was full confidence that Geelong were the real deal, that we wouldn’t have that let down game we all expect and that we could mix it with anyone in the league, no matter what ground their soul-less drive for money takes them to. And then this. Just when you think you’re out…

So with the head of the Corleone Crime Family’s words ringing in my head, I thought it might be wise to heed some of the Godfather’s other advice and re-visit some of the gems of wisdom that Michael passes down to his nephew Vinny (played by an alternately crooning/yelling Andy Garcia) and see how Geelong can learn from the Godfather.

“Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.”
To Paul Chapman, Cam Mooney, Matt Scarlett and the other hot heads of the team. For the Cats to become and remain an elite team they need to maintain discipline at all times, resisting the various personal conflicts that arise and stick to business. That is of course, until we play Sydney; then all bets are off and I personally hope we witness the first ‘hit’ during a game.

“Never let anyone know what you are thinking.”
To Lips Thompson, whom has probably been guilty of being too predictable in the past, and perhaps too revealing with the media. I also think too often coaches get caught up in how they want to play, regardless of conditions or opposition; there is nothing wrong with adjusting your tactics depending on whom and where you’re playing. Taking an example from cricket, spinners play on spinning pitches and fields are adjusted for each batsmen. This clashing of styles could help explain how certain teams seem to ‘match-up’ better than others. And occasionally I’d like to see him throw a curve ball at us, like isolating Gary Jnr deep in attack a bit more, throwing Mooney on the ball occasionally and perhaps forgetting that Hank Playfair ever existed.

“When they come, they come at what you love.”
Although this one could have been for ‘Tickets’ Bartel and his hairhouse/warehouse VIP discount card, it’s actually for the Geelong Advertiser and other gushing media reports, not to mention the players, getting ahead of themselves. Whether or not it is fair, Geelong has been cast as a team liable to ‘believe its own press’ during times of good form. Being a one-team town and having a newspaper whose sole purpose is to feed this fire probably doesn’t help, but the respective Perth and Adelaide teams have been able to handle it, so why not Geelong? Personally I blame the ‘ice’ epidemic.

“Your enemies always get strong on what you leave behind.”
As good as Geelong were against Melbourne, in the last quarter they kicked 1.9, missing a few gimmes and failing to really bury Melbourne when it was clear that’s what they thoroughly deserved. Against Hawthorn they kicked 9.18. The Cats need to take their chances up forward and kick straight, especially against the better teams. Too often wasted opportunities have been the tale of Geelong losses and this year we can not afford to let goals go begging. Take note Shannon ‘Point’ Byrnes.

“The higher I go the more crooked it becomes.”
This applies to finals and expectations. The more you win the more pressure there is to keep winning. The media will focus more on you, opposing coaching staffs will study your game plan more thoroughly and players will get themselves up to play against you. And in the finals this becomes even more apparent, especially if anyone has ever seen that gym bag full of unmarked, non-sequential 50’s that Paul Roos drops off to the AFL each September.

“It’s dangerous to be an honest man.”
This one’s for me. After a loss like that, I think it’s time to break out the classic ‘Geelong pessimism’ for a few weeks. At least until we play Richmond, anyway.

Selwood, Headland and the Death of Tim Watson













Mrs. Watson: Hello Captain. What’s that shit on your arm?

Captain: What can we really say about the Headland-Selwood incident? Selwood reckons he didn’t say it, Des reckons he did, and the tribunal washed their hands of it. You’re a known sledger, Mrs. W, any thoughts?

Mrs. Watson: If you ask me, there are only two questions left to ponder. One, did Selwood say those things? Maybe, I don't really care. Two (and more importantly), is Headland still a dickhead? You bet. Let's face it, whether or not Selwood suggested that he spent the night under the covers with Des' daughter, Headland should have let it go. Besides, I think Selwood would make a very considerate lover, and a terrific potential son-in-law.

Captain: And really, this has all distracted us from the fact that Freo, everyone’s hot tip for premiership glory, are 0-3 and looking ragged. Speaking of ragged, lucky for the Dockers they play Melbourne this week, they might actually chalk up a victory.

Mrs. Watson: Yeah, Freo should win. And, since Josh Hunt won't be minding Brad Green this weekend, expect him to look a little more uncomfortable in the forward line. Sheesh! Smelly is a great kick, no disputing that, but quite frankly, I'm pretty certain he couldn't put pressure on Bruce McAvaney's nimble, girly frame. Which reminds me, who do I have to kill to get a live game of football on free to air television on Sunday? Tim Watson? Cause I'll fucking do it!

Captain: If I say yes, does that make me an accessory? And could you start with David Schwarz? While we’re on the subject of death, are Richmond a possibility of going winless this season, and if so, would that be enough to get Terry Wallace fired? I saw a recent listing of odds for coaches to be fired, headed by Dean Laidley, and Lips Thompson was in 2nd place, ahead of Connolly, Clarkson and Terry the Great. Unbelieveable. I’d take the odds on Neale Daniher personally.

Mrs. Watson: Nope, they’ll win a few. After all, Terry “Nostradamus” Wallace has a magic spreadsheet which has them finishing 9th this season, and a “window of opportunity” opening in 2011. That must be reassuring for fans. Way to go Terry! But hey, while you’re predicting the future there, coach, perhaps you tell us all when the Gulf War will end. Or, who will sell the most candy on the field this year, O Great One? My money is on Mark Blake. He was awesome (or, at the very least, entertaining) last weekend.

Captain: I think entertaining would be about right. And with King coming back, there was talk of all three ruckman playing, although Ottens is listed to miss through injury. The thought of Mark Blake in the goal square is sending shudders up my spine as we speak. (And I did see the opportunity for a candy/cocaine joke there, I just passed, ok?) Nablett has also been named, however, so we may not have to endure “Blake as key-forward”, although expect King to get an ugly, brief run down there. If the Cats are any good, and I said this last week Mrs. W, they won’t lose to Hawthorn; thoughts?

Mrs. Watson: Well, this game makes me nervous. The Hawks towelled us twice last year, and for some reason, I think they have our number. Perhaps they match up well against us (whatever that means). Perhaps we’re constantly underestimating them. Or, perhaps it was just the way things were going last year. Looking at the teams though, I really don’t think Hawthorn have the backline to cover our forwards, so I’d say this thing’ll be won or lost in the midfield. As per usual.

Captain: I reckon that whole “match up well” thing comes down to coaches not adjusting their game-plan for specific opponents. But I'll save my thoughts about that for one my patented, long-winded, high-concept blogs. And besides, Lips reckons he knows what he's doing. No chance the Cats lose this one, and they’ll be selling “Tomahawk” t-shirts at KP within 3 weeks. Say, do you think Headland at least has a sister for Selwood?

Mrs. Watson: Yeah, but the tattoo of her lies below Des’ waist. Slap!

Out.

Richo, Terry & The Flaming Wreck

I was watching Richmond v Collingwood on Friday night football, and found myself, against my will, my football history and all better judgement, cheering for Matthew Richardson. You see, Richo is on my dream team, (a late round pick up, no-one else was going anywhere near him) and having no allegiance to either side, I was simply cheering for him to score me points, regardless of who won or lost.

But after watching the match in its entirety, and seeing the Tigers squander an early lead and then eventually capitulate against the ‘Pies, two things became abundantly clear; one, I probably shouldn’t have picked Richo in my dream team, and two, Richmond is in serious trouble.

In the first half Richmond pressured the undermanned Collingwood side, which at one point had Shane O’Bree guarding Troy Simmonds in the goal square, to lead by 20 points at half time. It should have been more but a certain dream team member of mine kept missing easy goals, and ended up with 3 goals, 5 points, one out on the full and about 15 pouts, which unfortunately, don’t score any points in our dream team league.

In the second half, Richmond were out pressured, their skills dropped away, and the pouting increased. As this was happening, I kept waiting for Wallace to pull the trigger on one of his famous ‘left-field’ moves, putting Richo in the ruck, or Pettifer isolated at full-forward (by the way, does Kane Pettifer have a permanent black eye, or does someone keep belting him?) but nothing was happening. Not even a conventional move, like putting Brett Delidio, one of your best midfielders, actually in the midfield, was forthcoming.

And after Anthony Rocca finally woke up and realised he had Joel Bowden on him, and started grabbing everything kicked in his direction, it took ‘Terry the Great’ a game-losing quarter and a half to give the stronger, taller, Graeme Polak a shot on him.

So I started thinking about Richmond and their fans and the media and everyone else who believes in Terry Wallace, and I thought; what if they’re wrong?

Wallace, rightly or wrongly, was hired as a coach with an excellent reputation as a gameday coach, an innovator and a guy who could, and would, get the most out of his list and turn around a struggling club. He has been selling everyone who will listen on the Richmond ‘re-building phase’ and the ‘5-year plan’ and now the ‘2011 window’. But nothings happening. And everyone’s eggs are firmly imbedded in Wallace’s basket.

The young players they’re supposed to be building around, Raines, Tambling, Polo and Krakouer etc. have not lived up to expectation, with Delidio perhaps being the exception.

The players they’ve brought in from other clubs, Polak, Patrick Bowden and of course the Kent of Kingsley, all have their obvious flaws.

The veterans, Tivendale, Kane Johnson, Ray Hall and Joel Bowden continue to make the same mistakes when the pressure is on and have their limitations constantly exposed. Not to mention a certain wayward dream team forward.

The only player of real class, one who is consistent, skilful and potentially game-breaking is currently on the sidelines still healing from a catastrophic broken leg that, quite honestly, I didn’t expect him to return from.

Terry Wallace will continue to spout key phrases at press conferences and continue to keep everyone looking at an impossible future and his team will continue to lose. And when it gets to 2011, or 2012, or whenever it is that Terry is aiming, and all his tricks have worn thin, Terry Wallace will jump ship and leave Richmond a flaming wreck.

Mrs. Watson and I are heading to the MCG on Sunday to watch Geelong play Melbourne from the comfort of the MCC members area and its full-strength beer. For Geelong there is no looking ahead. We have been down that road and we can see the 4 car pile-up lying in wait. No, the time for Geelong is now, the season for our coach is this one. If last year was an abomination, and it is truly behind us, then we should easily account for a depleted Melbourne squad. Let the good times roll.

3 outta 4

The good thing about the early stages of the AFL season is that after a loss, even a particularly bitter loss, by Tuesday or so you start to look ahead to the next game, kinda like when you get back to work on Monday and immediately start emailing your buddies about what they’re doing next weekend. The ‘next game’ syndrome gives clubs a chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of supporters and media alike and rebuild some goodwill with fans; no-one talks about a game that was played two weeks ago. It’s like everyone involved in the game has either a short attention span or a short memory or both. I think this “taking it one week at a time” thing has gotten out of hand.

I remember when Terry Wallace was coaching the then Footscray Bulldogs, which featured players such as Steve Kretiuk, Simon Atkins and Danny Delray, he implemented an interesting goal for his team for the season. Wallace, and his players, spoke openly about how they had divided the season up into lots of four games, with the goal being to win 3 out of each 4. This trusted the players to maintain a ‘win each week focus’ while still acknowledging the reality and unlikeliness of a team going undefeated, which is completely opposite to the classic ‘one week at a time’ theory. The overall effect of this on the players’ psyche remains unknown, and indeed probably immeasurable, although we do know for a fact that those Bulldogs teams never won a premiership.

The reason I bring this up is that Wallace’s ‘3 outta 4’ theory was pretty radical and has not, that I know of, ever been trialled again, although it does make for a pretty good calculation of how to finish in the top 4. In a 22 game season, winning 3 out of 4 games, and splitting the remaining two games, would give you 16 wins. Last season West Coast finished on top with 17 wins and Adelaide, in 2nd, had 16 wins. These were the only two teams to reach 16 wins.

What we can say then is that winning 3 out of 4 games, in a 22 game season, is quite difficult, and that, as infinite as it always seems in early April, a 22 week season is not long. The NBA plays an 82 game season; Major League baseball, 162 games. Teams in those leagues can afford to drop their first two games. The Cats can not; they’ve probably got to win the next 3 in a row.

Now on to some notes about the Geelong v Carlton game:

Expect Geelong’s ‘man-on-man’ tactics to work a lot better against the slower and less skilled Carlton side. Watching the Brisbane v St.Kilda game it was interesting to see that Brisbane did a lot of zoning off, not sticking exactly next to their man but more so guarding the dangerous space instead and switching when they needed to, forcing St.Kilda wide and slowing down their forward forrays. Also expect the Cats to come out pretty physical against the young Blues side.

Hopefully the Cats start Chappy in the middle to give them an immediate physical presence, and Ottens in the ruck, to get him some touches and confidence. Ling will probably get Nick Stevens and, as suggested by Chris Jackson in Birmingham, hopefully none of the ball. Scarlett on Fevola, Egan on Whitnall and Mrs. Watson on over-priced Carlton draughts at the venue.

Tom ‘Tomahawk-Hatchet-Cox-Arquette’ Hawkins has been named for his first game (we quickly need to sort out his nickname situation before Mrs. Watson glasses someone) along with Travis Varcoe. This is what the team needs, I reckon, get them in early, along with Djerrkura, and let them adjust to senior level as quickly as possible. Don’t expect too much from them, like Selwood last week, but Goddamn it’ll be good to see the big bastard in the goalsquare. (And while we all know Varcoe is wearing the famous no. 5 guernsey, it’s worth mentioning that Hawkins will wear no. 26 worn by his father but made famous by the great Matthew McCarthy. Pour a 40 ouncer on the curb for the end of the Matthew McCarthy Era.) With Selwood, and now Varcoe and Hawkins debuting, that makes 3 outta 4 exciting rookies Geelong has blooded in only two rounds of football, Nathan Djerrkura being the fourth. 3 outta 4.

Cats to win by 42 points.

Stay Positive, or, The Kings of Leon, Jarad and Max

Wow. I had kind of forgotten what this feels like. I had forgotten how much it stings, how much it riles me up against my better judgement and makes me say, think and do ridiculous things. I had convinced myself that I would be more objective, more detached and better equipped to handle any on-field disappointment this year. I thought that perhaps I may have lost some of the passion and fire that seemed to consume me last season. I also thought that Geelong would win. But all of that changed pretty quickly.

After the first quarter I found myself scolding the players for simple skill errors, yelling at the TV due to some genuinely baffling umpiring decisions and quietly hoping for more and more crippling Bulldogs knee injuries. No wonder we drink so much at games.

It all came back alright, not just being reminded what its like to watch your team lose, but being reminded that they lose because they continue to shoot themselves in the foot. I was simultaneously watching and brewing a scathing blog in my head.

During the game, however, it is impossible to think clearly. You must learn to recognize such clouded judgement and let cooler heads prevail – leave the knee-jerk reaction stuff to the professionals.

I have since reminded myself that it is only Round One and often teams struggle with the finesse and skill side of the game this early in the season. I also told myself that the Bulldogs are possibly one of the best 3 or 4 teams we will play this year, and that they are unnaturally skilled with their disposal. I have also chastised myself for wishing heavy and blunt objects to crash with sudden frequency into Brad Johnson’s skull.

I also think the media have talked up the Bulldogs as a way supporting their own hype for them and therefore proving themselves right: No-one is saying that Essendon, after an equally emphatic victory, are ‘built for September’, whatever that means, on the first day of April. But we should probably expect such knobbery from Denis Commetti by now, who I’m sure does not so much see the game but his own reflection in the commentary box window. (And while I’m at it, how David Schwarz continues to work in roles that require him to speak are beyond me; is it too late to get Steven Silvagni back?)

So let’s remain positive and be thankful for Corey Enright, Paul Chapman, the Ablett brothers, David Wojcinski and the fact that Max Rooke not only changed his name but now looks like a member of The Kings of Leon. And let’s look forward to Nathan Djerrkura, Joel Selwood, Tom Hawkins and Mrs. Watson screaming at people in the outer who continue to call him ‘Tomahawk’ (which he started, by the way) whilst ignoring his preferred option, ‘Hatchet’. Let’s look forward to playing Carlton next week and making constant jokes about Lance Whitnall’s brother, Brendan Fevola’s wife and Ryan Houlihan’s hair-cut. Let’s look forward to our first home game at Kardinia Park and the upcoming Mrs. Watson sponsored Easter Bender. But mostly, let’s look forward to winning a couple of games cos if this shit keeps up this forced positivity will be the end of me.