Calling Mick

Each week the stakes get higher. And each week I become more nervous. More unstable. Thinking about the game so much, and what it means in terms of the legacy of this football club, is not good for me. I’m one more Dale Thomas story away from flipping out and leaving some sort of Alec Baldwin-like rant on Mick Malthouse’s answering machine.

So I decided to insulate myself from the media and all other outside influences. It seems to work for the players. I wasn’t going to read the articles, check who tipped who, scour over every injury report or check every historical fact and previous game report that may give some clue. No, I was going to wait until I was safely tucked up in the Keepers Arms in North Melbourne, surrounded by friends and cold ale, awaiting the first bounce. Everything else seemed meaningless.

Then I remembered that about half way through the Collingwood-Eagles game last week I had thought, ‘Geelong is going to flog either of these bunch of douchebags’, and I also remembered that, hey, we finished on top of the ladder. We beat everyone. Who the Hell have Collingwood beaten? And then I looked into that.

Collingwood finished 6th on the ladder, with a 13-9 win-loss record. That’s only 3 games better than Essendon. Their percentage was 101%, which was worse than Freo’s. Collingwood lost games to Melbourne and Richmond during the season. They had another easy draw, playing only once against the top 5 teams in the competition, Geelong, Port Adelaide, West Coast, Kangaroos and Hawthorn. And then I went deeper again.

On strength of schedule, Collingwood’s wins came against teams with a combined record of 116-164-6, while their losses came against teams had a combined record of 99-95-4. The only team above them on the ladder that they beat during the season was the Kangaroos, and it’s probably fair to say they’ve boxed out of their division this year.

In the finals, however, a lot of media have pointed out that The Pies have beaten the last two premiers in consecutive weeks, which is true, but let’s look at those wins a little more closely.

Firstly, they beat a shaky Sydney team that’s been on the decline since 2005. The Swans desperately missed Tadhg Kennelly, their most creative play maker, and Barry Hall was doing his best Brett Spinks impression all season. Plus, because the Swans lack pace Collingwood match up well on them, beating them twice during the regular season. And they also got the luxury of playing them at the MCG.

Last week Collingwood JUST got over the line against a depleted West Coast Eagles in extra time, a game that, quite frankly, wouldn’t have gotten that far if, a) Darren Glass or Andrew Embley could kick straight in the last 5 minutes, b) John Worsfold didn’t completely screw the pooch by taking Glass and Cox off simultaneously at the end of the third, or c) The Eagles actually had 4 fit players on their bench. You’re telling me Geelong would need an extra 10 minutes to put away an Eagles team without Judd, Cousins, Kerr and Ashley Hansen and prominently featuring Rowan Jones? Please.

It’s also been fun to watch, as Patrick Bateman and Chris Jackson commented on after the last post, the press coverage that The Maggies have been getting after that extra time win. With only two games that week, the other of which was a stinker, Collingwood were always going to get a heap of press. Then, the players have come out saying they aren’t afraid of The Cats, (which if you remember correctly, was exactly what the Kangaroos said 2 weeks ago) that they’ll use the All-Australian snub as motivation and have pretty much talked themselves up to whoever will listen. It's like they need to hear it from somewhere, so they say it themselves.

And because the Cats haven’t said anything in the media, and haven’t played for 2 weeks, all of sudden people start talking themselves into Collingwood, thinking, “Yeah, they ARE an even team” and “Mick’s right, the sky IS the limit” and even, “Shane O’Bree is awesome!” Ok, well maybe not that last one, but you get the point.

Meanwhile, after the first quarter of Friday night’s game, these same people will be thinking, “Playing extra time of a punishing game, travelling back from Perth, AND coming up against Geelong with a week’s rest? Why didn’t I see this coming?” And the answer is, because you are a fickle idiot.

Ok, so I may not be exactly ‘insulating myself’ from the media circus, but I feel these things needed to be pointed out. Oh, and I might need Mick Malthouse’s number after all; I think I’ve got something he should hear.