The $13 King?

Steven King has finally been named in the Geelong senior side to take on the Tigers at KP this Saturday. Now, I like the thinking of bringing him back against Richmond, you know, ease him into it and all, but the fact is, there isn’t room for three ruckmen in any one team. And I’m starting to get suspicious.

Bradley ‘Sex Fingers’ Ottens and Mark ‘Silkworm’ Blake have not only carried the ruck duties with aplomb this season, they have provided us with two of the more ridiculous nicknames and also the unlikely scenario of Mrs. Watson buying a shitty badge to pin to his 15 year old Cats scarf and me using the word ‘aplomb’. Some might say Ottens could be played as a permanent forward, leaving King and Blake to share the ruck duties, but I think this and last season has definitively answered the question of Ottens as a permanent forward, with that answer being, freakin’ no. That’s not to say that he doesn’t do some good things down there, but rather that he’s best used as a ruckman who rests or drifts down to the forward line occasionally. As for Steven King as a forward, well, at this stage I’d probably rather see the big Silkworm winding his way out of the goal square than King. And that’s saying something.

The other problem is that it leaves the Cats top heavy and lacking the extra running player to rotate through the midfield or pick up a Tiger small forward. (Corey Enright is the player who has made way for King, missing due to what GFC.com describes as ‘shoulder soreness’.)

So, why my suspicions, I hear you ask? This is the deal: The whole King factor has been the one cloud hanging around the club like a hangover fart that just won’t go away. Being a former captain of the club it needs to be seen that he’s being paid his regard, thus, Lips Thompson has been saying ‘Steven King is important… he’s still a big part of the team… blah, blah, blah’ to anyone who will listen this season. The reality of it is that they’re very pleased with the current ruck combo and would like it if the King situation just went away; I mean, the last time the guy played a good game George Costanza was telling us, for the first time, how he’d drape himself in velvet if he could. This is why he has played so many VFL games; they were hoping he’d break down again and take the decision out of the club’s hands. Now that he hasn’t broken down, they’ve got to play him at some stage, as they’ve said they would, and it couldn’t be too late in the season or he’d never get in. So he plays against Richmond.

Upsetting the team balance, playing a guy who has been out all year and dropping one of your best players with a questionable injury is all starting to add up: The Cats have taken the $13 the Tiges are currently paying.

It all makes sense when you think of it like that. The Cats get to have ‘the loss they needed to have’, all while lining the GFC coffers with enough moolah to build another freakin grandstand, and change to send Max Rooke back to Germany, plus they get a convenient scapegoat in Steven King who then promptly pulls a Luke Darcy and announces his retirement. That’s gotta be it, right?

I mean, the only other option that makes sense is that Geelong think Richmond are so shit, and are that confident of winning, that they can throw almost anyone in there, three ruckmen if you don’t mind, and still win handsomely...

Actually, forget everything I said.