Why Richmond still stinks.
Here’s an interesting stat: the Richmond football club has only made the finals twice in the past 23 years. No shit. I’ll say it again so it sinks in: In the past 23 years, those good ol’ Tiges from Richmond have only qualified for the finals twice. Now, when I first read this stat, much like you no doubt, I found it a little hard to believe. I mean, come on, twice – that’s pathetic right? Right! Surely this was a typo. Surely this was some kind of sick joke. Surely an AFL team could not continue to exist without having at least a little recent success. But the more I thought about it, and the more I looked back, I simply could not remember a time (EVER!) when Richmond were playing finals football. Hell, it was a struggle just to remember the team’s most recent victory. (A very lucky escape against Essendon a few weeks back, in case you yourself were wondering.)
Say what you want about Geelong’s freakish number of Grand Final losses, football fans, but this quip isn’t even in the same league. The Richmond Tigers are a national embarrassment, a team very fuckin’ lucky to have even a few hundred memberships after two decades of absolute failure, let alone a spot in the AFL at all. I say leave the Kangas in North Melbourne and ship these shit hacks off to Southport, or Canberra, or wherever the hell they’re hiding unsuccessful clubs these days, and forget about them for a while. I mean, twice in 23 years for fuck sake! Something has to be done. Not even an overdose of first round draft picks has made a difference. Richard Tambling!? Well, that was a waste, wasn’t it? And what happened to that Roach kid? [On a positive note they did recruit the over-rated, underachieving brother of over-rated underachieving Joel Bowden – Captain]
Now, any avid Tigers supporter could probably reel off excuse after boring excuse, explaining the several key events which have destroyed any real chance of success in the past couple of years, but I’m not that well informed about the club. In fact, I’ve found the yellow and black so insignificant up until now, that I’ve done my best to ignore the Tigers completely. But something has to be said. Something has to be written. Goddamn it, the public should know the reasons behind Richmond’s failure to win more than a handful of games each season. Why have the Tigers been the worst team in recent years? Allow this relative ignoramus to explain…
First of all, let’s talk about Mick Molloy. Now, as a drinking partner, or a cigarette machine, Mick would do just fine, but as far as celebrity football club affiliates go, he’s hardly the most inspiring character, is he? And what about Rex Hunt? Surely a guy who has to pay for a root isn’t the ideal candidate for a club representative either. (Although it’s no surprise that after kissing a few million fish over the years, he’s finding it difficult to pick up.) Think of Lleyton Hewitt and the Crows; Shane Warne and the Saints; or, how about the Cats and that bald, fat, rich dude who was taken hostage in Iraq and somehow put on 11kg on a diet of water and rice before his rescue – against all odds, this man actually got fatter! These are the kind of inspiring characters you want supporting your club in the public eye. These are the kind of characters players want to win for! Hell, the only thing Mick Molloy inspires anyone to do is pick up the remote control to change the fuckin’ channel.
Secondly, it has to be said that Matthew ‘Point Blank’ Richardson has contributed a great deal to his team’s failure. I don’t have his stats on hand, but I’ve been to many a Cats v Tigers game over the past 10 years and I’ve got to say, this man has no trouble dropping sitters or hitting the post from inside the goal square. Oh, and if the ball doesn’t hit him lace out every time, Richmond midfielders, you’ll be the first to cop a spray from him. Believe it, or not, this is the man the club named their kicking coach over summer. A very curious appointment, indeed; after all, how does one coach others to kick when one can’t kick themselves? That’s like Gehrig teaching others to spell. Preposterous.
Thirdly, Terrace Wallace: the man’s a chop. Does this guy hold a press conference every fuckin’ day? I mean seriously, I can’t watch a sports report these days without this guy vomiting at me about some bullshit no-one asked him about, and acting like he’s the fucking last word on every AFL issue. Take your head out of your own ass, Wallace; no-one cares what you think about flooding – just shut the fuck up. Honestly, if you payed the same amount of attention to your own team as you did your public statements on the “state of the game”, you might see your win/loss ratio become more favourable. Or have your players stopped listening to you as well?
Lastly, Nathan Brown. Poor old Brownie was recruited as the great saviour a few years back and last year, before the “accident”, was the only reason the Tiges were able to string a few victories together. Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Richmond fans, but you need to let Nathan go. There’s a certain, “just wait until Nathan Brown gets back” attitude around the club at the moment which is being used as an excuse for recent poor form. News flash, fuckoes: if Brownie does make it back, the poor bloke can’t be expected to get your shithouse team over the line every week. Right now he’s finding it hard enough not to regret leaving the now semi-successful Bulldogs to go to a team that’s only managed 2 finals appearances in his lifetime. Someone should have told him this fun fact before he signed on the dotted line. As a result, your best player is now not only recovering from a more-than-likely career ruining injury, but he’s also finding it difficult to get motivated enough to recover.
A 3-4 win/loss ratio, and two losses by over 100 points this season suggests that 2007 hasn’t turned out the way many Tigers supporters might have predicted. Wallace might throw around words like “rebuilding”, and “unlucky”, but the truth of the matter is this Richmond team appears no different to those that have failed in the past 23 years. Sure, Geelong has 3-4 record as well, but you get a sense that they’ll more than likely turn this record into another finals appearance in 2007. Does anyone feel this way about Richmond? Anyone at all?
Out.
Here’s an interesting stat: the Richmond football club has only made the finals twice in the past 23 years. No shit. I’ll say it again so it sinks in: In the past 23 years, those good ol’ Tiges from Richmond have only qualified for the finals twice. Now, when I first read this stat, much like you no doubt, I found it a little hard to believe. I mean, come on, twice – that’s pathetic right? Right! Surely this was a typo. Surely this was some kind of sick joke. Surely an AFL team could not continue to exist without having at least a little recent success. But the more I thought about it, and the more I looked back, I simply could not remember a time (EVER!) when Richmond were playing finals football. Hell, it was a struggle just to remember the team’s most recent victory. (A very lucky escape against Essendon a few weeks back, in case you yourself were wondering.)
Say what you want about Geelong’s freakish number of Grand Final losses, football fans, but this quip isn’t even in the same league. The Richmond Tigers are a national embarrassment, a team very fuckin’ lucky to have even a few hundred memberships after two decades of absolute failure, let alone a spot in the AFL at all. I say leave the Kangas in North Melbourne and ship these shit hacks off to Southport, or Canberra, or wherever the hell they’re hiding unsuccessful clubs these days, and forget about them for a while. I mean, twice in 23 years for fuck sake! Something has to be done. Not even an overdose of first round draft picks has made a difference. Richard Tambling!? Well, that was a waste, wasn’t it? And what happened to that Roach kid? [On a positive note they did recruit the over-rated, underachieving brother of over-rated underachieving Joel Bowden – Captain]
Now, any avid Tigers supporter could probably reel off excuse after boring excuse, explaining the several key events which have destroyed any real chance of success in the past couple of years, but I’m not that well informed about the club. In fact, I’ve found the yellow and black so insignificant up until now, that I’ve done my best to ignore the Tigers completely. But something has to be said. Something has to be written. Goddamn it, the public should know the reasons behind Richmond’s failure to win more than a handful of games each season. Why have the Tigers been the worst team in recent years? Allow this relative ignoramus to explain…
First of all, let’s talk about Mick Molloy. Now, as a drinking partner, or a cigarette machine, Mick would do just fine, but as far as celebrity football club affiliates go, he’s hardly the most inspiring character, is he? And what about Rex Hunt? Surely a guy who has to pay for a root isn’t the ideal candidate for a club representative either. (Although it’s no surprise that after kissing a few million fish over the years, he’s finding it difficult to pick up.) Think of Lleyton Hewitt and the Crows; Shane Warne and the Saints; or, how about the Cats and that bald, fat, rich dude who was taken hostage in Iraq and somehow put on 11kg on a diet of water and rice before his rescue – against all odds, this man actually got fatter! These are the kind of inspiring characters you want supporting your club in the public eye. These are the kind of characters players want to win for! Hell, the only thing Mick Molloy inspires anyone to do is pick up the remote control to change the fuckin’ channel.
Secondly, it has to be said that Matthew ‘Point Blank’ Richardson has contributed a great deal to his team’s failure. I don’t have his stats on hand, but I’ve been to many a Cats v Tigers game over the past 10 years and I’ve got to say, this man has no trouble dropping sitters or hitting the post from inside the goal square. Oh, and if the ball doesn’t hit him lace out every time, Richmond midfielders, you’ll be the first to cop a spray from him. Believe it, or not, this is the man the club named their kicking coach over summer. A very curious appointment, indeed; after all, how does one coach others to kick when one can’t kick themselves? That’s like Gehrig teaching others to spell. Preposterous.
Thirdly, Terrace Wallace: the man’s a chop. Does this guy hold a press conference every fuckin’ day? I mean seriously, I can’t watch a sports report these days without this guy vomiting at me about some bullshit no-one asked him about, and acting like he’s the fucking last word on every AFL issue. Take your head out of your own ass, Wallace; no-one cares what you think about flooding – just shut the fuck up. Honestly, if you payed the same amount of attention to your own team as you did your public statements on the “state of the game”, you might see your win/loss ratio become more favourable. Or have your players stopped listening to you as well?
Lastly, Nathan Brown. Poor old Brownie was recruited as the great saviour a few years back and last year, before the “accident”, was the only reason the Tiges were able to string a few victories together. Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Richmond fans, but you need to let Nathan go. There’s a certain, “just wait until Nathan Brown gets back” attitude around the club at the moment which is being used as an excuse for recent poor form. News flash, fuckoes: if Brownie does make it back, the poor bloke can’t be expected to get your shithouse team over the line every week. Right now he’s finding it hard enough not to regret leaving the now semi-successful Bulldogs to go to a team that’s only managed 2 finals appearances in his lifetime. Someone should have told him this fun fact before he signed on the dotted line. As a result, your best player is now not only recovering from a more-than-likely career ruining injury, but he’s also finding it difficult to get motivated enough to recover.
A 3-4 win/loss ratio, and two losses by over 100 points this season suggests that 2007 hasn’t turned out the way many Tigers supporters might have predicted. Wallace might throw around words like “rebuilding”, and “unlucky”, but the truth of the matter is this Richmond team appears no different to those that have failed in the past 23 years. Sure, Geelong has 3-4 record as well, but you get a sense that they’ll more than likely turn this record into another finals appearance in 2007. Does anyone feel this way about Richmond? Anyone at all?
Out.
posted by mrs. watson at 11:42 am
2 Comments:
Stick to what you know best....fuck all!....i will take the bait stay tuned.
Funny & accurate about the Tigers, but given the weekend's results, not the best timing. The pathetic pussies now have 1 less 100 point loss this season compared to the Tigers.
Cats v Tigers this weekend. Will the Cats wake up to even play, let alone attept to win??? Can Kent get his 3.2? Do the midfield know how to kick long & quick? Will Bimber let them? Does Matty have a sore neck from watching all those goals go over his head? So many questions ...
My name is Matt & I'm a Cat's fan.
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