Snakes & Ladders, or, The Return of Mrs. Watson

It’s been a busy off-season for the AFL. With the players taking drugs, betting on games, assaulting women and head-butting business associates, we’ve hardly had a chance to write about the game itself or the up-coming season. But this weekend, ready or not, it is upon us. So, to prepare you for the season ahead, and which teams will climb the ladder and which will slide down, we’ve prepared the first ever Big League Little League version of “Snakes & Ladders”.



Adelaide
Captain: Snake. Based on the exceptional results they’ve had the past few seasons, Adelaide are due for a slump. I still think the Crows are a top 4 side, but they won’t be as dominant in the regular season as they have been in recent history. Plus, any club who would name Brett Burton captain and has the coach take training in Warwick Capper’s shorts is due for a fall.

Mrs. Watson: Snake. While Neil Craig and his team of geriatrics will be pissed they missed their shot last year, things won’t get any rosier this year. With a lot of other (younger) teams looking a lot sharper early this season, I for one am ready to kick the legs out from under this crippled old coot of a team. For the Crows, 2007 will be like a long soak in a kero bath: very unpleasant, but something they’ll get used to eventually.

Brisbane
Captain: Miss a Turn. After cutting plenty of deadwood veterans over the past season, the Lions are getting back to a position where players can be selected on their merits, and not just if their last name is “Scott”. The young kids look like they’ll be contributors but are still a couple of years off dragging the Lions back to the top. Too much for Black and Power to do, and while Jon Brown appears healthy now, history has shown us this is just like a sober Ben Cousins, only temporary.

Mrs. Watson: Ladder. Not a long ladder, just a little taller than last year’s. I suspect the Lions will win a few more home games this season, especially if their younger guys can play as tenaciously as they did in the NAB Cup. With Bradshaw gone, it’ll be difficult for the Brisbane midfield not to become too Brown-conscious (See St Kilda’s Reiwoldt Effect circa 2006) when kicking forward, but should Sherman and the likes help keep the goals ticking over, it’s hard to imagine them doing worse than last year.

Carlton
Captain: Ladder. They finished with the wooden spoon last year, winning only 3 games, the club’s best player goes to Ireland to cheat on his wife and beat up bartenders and some of their players are involved in a drunken assault in Ballarat. I mean, the only way is up for the Blues, right? It’s not like Kouta just broke a finger and will be out for 10 weeks while their new captain is trying to kill his immediate family… wait, I said ‘snake’, right?

Mrs. Watson: Ladder. Carlton will win 4 games this season, 2 of which will be victories over the Demons.

Collingwood
Captain: Snake. It’s never a good sign when your big off-season signing is Paul Medhurst. There’s no way Collingwood finishes in 6th place or higher this season, in fact, I think they’ll struggle to make the finals. The forward line of Anthony Rocca, Medhurst, Chris Egan and Josh Fraser looks dodgy to say the least, and bears a striking resemblance to that of Mrs. Watson’s dream team forwards, only more productive.

Mrs. Watson: Snake. That’s a cheap shot, Captain…but nevertheless quite true. As you well know, my team generates its stats from the back and through the middle, where I stack the skill. I don’t worry about the forwards because actual wins and losses, in the Dream Team sense, don’t mean a fucking thing. And, as you also know, El Capitan, I won last year’s DT convincingly with one of the worst forward lines ever put to paper. Unfortunately for Collingwood however, in the real world, teams need goals, and right now, all they have are shit hacks.

Essendon
Captain: Ladder. The Bombers could be a bit of a sleeper team this year, and I dare say it might be worth putting a few bucks on them in some early games when the odds are long. They’re still a bit light in the midfield but at least they’ve put a stop to Kevin Sheedy signing washed-up rejects from other clubs (although they could have at least let him have Steve Johnson). Bottom line, they can’t do any worse than last year.

Mrs. Watson: Ladder. Lloyd’s back, so Essendon fans can look forward to a hell of a lot of set shots, directly in front, awarded for dodgy defensive infringements against the sookiest nonce playing football today. What this equates to, unfortunately, is that the many close games they lost last year will be wins in 2007.

Fremantle
Captain: Snake. Talk about a team killer, the Chris Connolly Era has been good for two things: awkward Footy Show interviews and underperforming Freo teams. That it started to come together for them last season was, I think, completely due to the players, who most observers have been saying for the past few seasons, are among the most talented in the league. I think Tarrant will work well in the expanses of Subiaco but overall they’ll perform under expectations and Connolly will be pulling beers next year.

Mrs. Watson: Snake. I’d rather nestle between Chris Connolly’s clammy man-tits after a long love making session than jump on this ridiculous Dockers bandwagon. Let’s face it, a lot of good teams keeled over and made way for Freo late last year, and unless the same thing happens this year, I don’t see them going past a knock out final. As far and Tarrant and Solomon go, they’re not the final pieces of the Premiership puzzle. Not by a long shot. Home game advantage will sneak them into 6th or 7th.

Geelong
Captain: Big Ladder. Did you expect anything else? Top 4 this year. That’s all I’m saying.

Mrs. Watson: Ladder. Now, don’t get excited Cats fans, I don’t share the same enthusiasm as the Captain, but I do see us winning more games. Some remarkable draft pick-ups in the off season have given the Cats some immediate depth. In particular Djekurra and Selwood have impressed, and it’s also likely Hatchet will see the light of day before mid season. All these guys enhance our notoriously weak attack. With Mooney firing also, and rumours about Ottens’ fitness and form spreading like Chlamydia through Room 99 we might start to see a whole lot more consistency behind the 50 meter line. The back line looks huge, as well as quite formidable, and if our midfield steps up as well, last year’s “shoulda wins” should be certainties in 2007. Whether or not we can beat the good teams remains to be seen, but things are looking up. Oh, and for Lips’ sake, I hope the Captain’s prediction of 4th is true.

Hawthorn
Captain: Snake. I know everyone is high on their ‘talented young list’ but they won’t get it all together this year and they still carry too many shit players. Plus Alistair Clarkson looks like he could be capable of ‘pulling a Connolly’ on them. With some late, garbage time wins (including one against Geelong) they finished 11th last season, expect about the same again.

Mrs. Watson: Miss a Turn. I agree, Captain…I think the Hawks’ll be good, but not this year. Too many players yet to prove themselves (Franklin, I’m looking in your direction), and a pretty much non-existent forward line. They do, I think, have a solid center setup in Hodge, Mitchell & Co. however, which should see them over the line against any team who comes in unprepared for a midfield skirmish (See Geelong circa 2006). 11th again, probably.

Kangaroos
Captain: Snake. Big snake. Fucking 80 foot Boa Constricta. Nathan Thompson, the only bright spots from last season, is done for the year. Shannon Grant, Brent Harvey and Adam Simpson are all hitting the age of decline and King Carey is already calling for Laidley’s head, not that he’s wrong, just probably should have waited until they started 0-6. On the bright side there’s always Corey Jones and Carrara… Ugh.

Mrs. Watson: Snake. (INSERT GOLD COAST JOKE HERE).

Melbourne
Captain: Miss a Turn. I’m just never sold on Melbourne, they have too many guys capable of great things who produce nothing, and too many guys who just produce nothing. Not to mention David Neitz is 48 years old and their next best forward option is Russell Freakin Robertson. Another mediocre season.

Mrs. Watson: Miss a Turn. I like Melbourne, I really do, but I’m starting to feel very sorry for them. I mean, on paper, they’re freakin’ awesome (at least, I think so) but constant and prolonged mediocrity at the helm of Daniher has got to start taking its toll sooner or later. Problem is, people always comment on an underperforming Geelong squad, while congratulating the Demons at the end of every season for finishing between 5-8. No-one has been traded, no changes have been made (I think), so what are we to expect of 2007? A miraculous improvement from the exact same list of chokers? Probably not.

Port Adelaide
Captain: Ladder. Finally, another team who I think may improve. As much as I hate to admit it, the Power has done an excellent job with their recruiting, which hopefully has had nothing to do with Mark Williams (who suggested during the off-season that he had single-handedly saved the AFL by suggesting they look at head-high contact. Gee, never would have thought that getting whacked in the head was damaging, Mark, lucky you put us onto that you smug prick. Perhaps next you could tackle the drugs issue, or global warming, or perhaps the Gaza strip conflict). They showed some good signs last year and will kick on to improve upon their 12th place finish in 2006.

Mrs. Watson: Ladder. Improve? Hell, I might even tip this side to make the 8. With so many other teams wallowing in mediocrity last year, citing “rebuilding phases” and “windows of opportunity”, Port Adelaide, while having a terrible 2006, seemed to actually learn and improve from having a losing year. For me, Danyle Pearce was a highlight, as was the domination of Kane Cornes and Shaun Burgoyne. Sure their forward line sucks, but I’m not suggesting a Premiership here, just a continuing steady improvement.

Richmond
Captain: Miss a Turn. Hey, don’t blame me, Terry Wallace was the one who said the Tigers window opens in 2011. Good to see he’s getting the excuses out of the way extra early this year. I guess getting hired on the basis of a “5 year plan” was a bit dishonest, but I doubt the Richmond board would have been enlightened enough to see the genius in Wallace’s “9 year plan”. About 9th just feels right, doesn’t it?

Mrs. Watson: Snake. If there was a way of typing laughter without using the ridiculous “hahaha”, I’d type it right here beside a humorous, yet accurate swipe at Kent Kingsley. Good luck with him, by the way.

St.Kilda
Captain: Ladder. Didn’t Grant Thomas remind you of the kid at school who everyone hates, but no matter how plainly you put it, he just doesn’t get the message and continues to hang around? Well, now that ‘Walnut’ is finally out of the way, the Saints may actually have a chance. As for Thomas, I saw he wrote an article for the Age about what it takes to be a good coach, which is like Britney Spears writing about how to be a good mother. Still, the Saints managed to concede the 3rd fewest points in the league last season, which surprised me considering they seem a much more offensive side. An excellent Telstra Dome record, a new coach and a drug-free Michael Gardiner should see them close enough to the top 4 again. Well, 2 outta 3 aint bad.

Mrs. Watson: Ladder. For a few years now the media have been busy building an unstoppable St Kilda juggernaut out of a merely ‘good’ young side, but this year, with the weight of expectation having shifted to Melbourne’s Western suburbs, I think the Saints will finally thrive. Sure, they have injury worries, but I hope this is the year they stop using that as an excuse and actually toughen up. Lyon has done very well keeping his team, as well as himself, under the radar this pre-season and I expect big things to come from St Kilda as a small result.

Sydney
Captain: Snake. Don’t you think it’s time Sydney had just one injury? Just one. I mean, it’s getting beyond a joke. The only hospital experience they’ve had in the past 3 seasons was with Ryan O’Keefe who had elective surgery to lodge his head further up his own ass. I believe they call it the “Cornes procedure”. I also think a League that seems hell bent on allowing free-flowing, high-scoring football will not be in Sydney’s best interests. Fuck the Swans.

Mrs. Watson: Miss a Turn. I don’t really know what to say about this team. I’m having trouble. Commenting on the Sydney Swans is like painting a bowl of fruit: it’s very difficult to do, but seriously, I’d rather be painting something else. Like a robot. Or an army tank…with more guns than could realistically be fixed to the outside of it. But nothing really stands out. Nothing really grabs me. But then again, nothing really suggests they won’t make the Grand Final yet again. Who the hell knows, and honestly, who the hell cares? Not I.

West Coast
Captain: Snake. Well, similar to Carlton, there’s only one way for the Eagles to go. Still, I wouldn’t count them out of the premiership hunt. Apparently this drug thing has been going on for years, and it didn’t hurt them too much last year. Imagine a clean & sober Cousins returning to the team halfway through the season. Imagine a more focused, more hardened Eagles outfit. Imagine if Andrew Embley stopped fighting it and just got on the gear like everyone else…

Mrs. Watson: Snake. Drug jokes aside, you’d have to be high to suggest the recent drug scandal had any real effect on the Eagles squad. Sure, predicting another Premiership is probably over shooting the mark a bit, but does anyone really think they’ll slide all THAT much? Top 4 finish.

Western Bulldogs
Captain: Snake. I believe that everyone will have the Bulldogs figured out this year. I believe that they might struggle to win with Andrew MacDougall as their tallest player. I believe that Farren Ray is a bust. I believe that Luke Darcy will be washed up. I believe the Western Bulldogs will get too many televised games this year. I believe that Robert Walls gets a ‘Ron Burgundy’ type erection every time Adam Cooney runs with the ball. I believe there’s no better place to be. Seriously. (Do you hate those Channel Ten ads, or love them? I can’t decide.)

Mrs. Watson: Ladder. While the Bulldogs are not the unbeatable side they’re made out to be, they will win a few more games this year, and possibly make the 4. It’s impossible to look past the Bulldog’s talented list. With Darcy’s return also, I just hope that Eade does the right thing and puts Peter Street out of his misery. And no, like most of what’s on Channel Ten, those ads are rubbish.

The Daniel Kerr Tapes, or, The Prince of Pop and the King of Rock’n’Roll

In the midst of an investigation, police tapped the phone of known drug dealer Shane Waters and recorded several of his telephone conversations. Of the hours and hours of recordings, it was revealed this week that police had identified, among many others, the voices of AFL players Daniel Kerr, Aaron Edwards and NBL player James Harvey. Big League Little League has managed to obtain a copy of this tape and will now present to you an unedited transcript.

Daniel Kerr: Shane, how are ya? I'm just recovering, I'm just feeling good today.

Shane Waters: You're f...ing crazy.

DK: I was f...ing struggling the other day, how are you feeling?

SW: Yeah fair and done, I'm ready to go tonight mate.

DK: Are you going out again tonight?

SW: Ah probably.

DK: F.. that's a big effort. Me and Couzy are supposed to be at training at 8:30 tomorrow morning. You shoulda seen us the other day, Woosha goes to us, ‘alright lads, handball drills; arrange yourselves in four lines,’ and Couzy goes to me, ‘four lines? Just like last night, hey Dan!’ Woosha f…ing spat it and next thing you know he was threatening to kick us out of training for being in a ‘state unfit to train’ or some bullshit. Whatever. As if he’s gonna do anything to us, who’s gonna play in the middle, Chad ‘I see dead people’ Fletcher? I don’t think so, I mean, it’s not like we’re just nobodies he can delist, like Aaron Edwards.

SW: Didn’t you and Cousins have a punch-up or something?

DK: Mate, you know how nights on the ‘Louie’ can go sometimes, plus, I mean, I am banging his sister. Still though, he’s a good guy to party with and there’s no too many of them left here these days. Ever since they got rid of Gardy we’ve been running out of blokes who don’t mind getting there nostrils dirty, if you know what I mean. Maybe we can trade for Stephen Milne next season, maybe he’ll have something to help me sleep.

SW: So what can I do for…

DK: We used to hook up with Jimmy Harvey too, remember him? Of course you don’t, no-one gives a shit about the NBL. He played for the Perth Wildcats for a while; I’ve never seen anyone snort off the backboard before. We did have a couple of good nights with the cheer-leading team and a bag of ‘Charlie’…

SW: I’m actually pretty busy here so if there’s…

DK: You ever seen that movie Scarface? That was some cool shit. “Say hello to my little friend!” Hahaha. I mean, how good would it be to just bury your head in Cocaine like that? And is that Michelle Pfeiffer? Was she married to Elvis? Nah, that was Priscilla Presley, wasn’t it. And then her daughter married Michael Jackson! So Elvis would have been Michael Jackson’s father-in-law! Can you imagine what that would have been like?

SW: Mate, can I help you with…

DK: ‘Dad, I’d like you to meet my fiancée, Michael’
‘Uh-huh, it’s ah, very-nice-to-meet-you, Sir’
‘I’m such a huge fan of your films and your records, Mr. Presley. Bubbles watches Clam Bake everyday’
‘Thank you very much’
‘Ow!’
‘Uh-huh’
‘Woo!’
‘Uh-huh’

SW: Look, Daniel…

DK: Wait! Shane, can you hear that?

SW: Hear what?

DK: That bass! It just kicked in!

SW: What?

DK: Wooo hooo!!! (Muffled sounds as the phone appears to have been dropped).

SW: Jesus…

DK: You there? Yeah sorry bout that, I love this track! Ah shit, I’m gonna have to go mate, Andrew Embley just rocked up.

(End call)

Benny Be Good, or, Chad's not dead he's just gone to bed

He hasn’t returned a positive drug test. He hasn’t made a public admission. He hasn’t been charged in any drug related crimes. Yet there is mounting circumstantial evidence that Ben Cousins is a drug user, I mean, look at that haircut.

The West Coast Eagles yesterday suspended him indefinitely to work out ‘private and personal issues’, which most assume to be code for ‘getting over his drug problem’. Whether it is or not, we don’t know. However, over the past couple of years there has been a long list of off-field incidents involving West Coast players and brawls, taxi drivers, booze buses, each other and in Las Vegas, apparently a flat-line. So it’s probably fair to award the Eagles as off-field premiers as well. And this is where it is interesting; that despite all this, they are the reigning premiers, the favourite to win it all again and Cousins is one year removed from winning the Brownlow. Now, does that sound like a drug problem?

How many clubs do you think would invite the off-field scandal that West Coast has had over the past couple of years if it also meant the on-field success they’ve had? Most, I’d imagine, I mean, Carlton for sure, seeing as though their captain is into beating women and killing family members already, may as well win a few games too.

You see, I think it’s important that we remember what the drug testing policy is for; to prevent players, or indeed clubs, from gaining unfair advantage by using performance enhancing drugs such as steroids and HGH. Somewhere along the line the AFL decided to test for ‘recreational’ drugs as well, I don’t know, perhaps the rationale being ‘we don’t want you to enhance your performance with drugs, but we don’t want you to diminish it with drugs either’.

So Benny broke up with his girlfriend and went on a bit of a bender, big deal, is it really news these days that a male in his 20’s uses drugs? The media immediately, and predictably, leapt into an outrage, Mike Sheahan and Caroline Wilson knowing no other emotions, writing critical columns and condemning Cousins for throwing away his career and setting a bad example. But I wonder if any of them have missed work for being hungover.

What’s worse are those pretending to care for Cousins the man, not the footballer. ‘Rescue the Person’ and ‘Support Him’ are some of the sentiments I’ve seen already, only two days after this story broke. Call me cynical, but do these people actually know anything about what happened?

How many of you are drug-tested at work? Unless there are some policemen and women reading I’d venture to say none of you. And fair enough too, what I do on my private time it’s nobody’s business at the office, especially if I am excelling at my job, if I had say, just lead my team to a premiership and the year before won the Brownlow medal.

The AFL say, that as part of their support for players in life and not just the sport, they want to rehabilitate players that test positive for recreational drugs. Does your work do that? Let the players work it out themselves. If Cousins is good enough to do even half the amount of drugs the media is leading us to believe and still perform as one of the best 5 players in the league then good luck to him. If not, he’ll find himself out of job like the rest of us would. Of course, there’s always Carlton.

The NAB Cup and other Numbers, or, Mooney is "still dangerous"

First, let’s get this out of the way; I didn’t see any of the Geelong v Brisbane game, or any of the Geelong v Port Adelaide game, so I won’t be commenting on any specific events of those two matches. And before you accuse me of not doing my homework, I do have legitimate excuses for missing both games however, having a previous engagement this weekend and being unable to find a pub within 10kms of my place that was showing the Port game, all of them, even those with 2 foxtel boxes, giving unwavering precedence to the Rugby super 14s. Apparently, I live in some forgotten outer suburb of Parramatta. Mrs. Watson did see both games, which would only be helpful however, if he still actually wrote for this blog. Still, I did see the Richmond game, and have caught a few other NAB cup games along the way, so here are five lingering thoughts about Geelong and the pre-season (and one ridiculous photo of Cameron “Maverick” Mooney from The Age. Can’t you just see Lips sitting him down and talking to him about his dead father? “Mooney… I played with his old man…”):

1. The new ‘hands-in-the-back’ rule

Of course you shouldn’t be able to place your hands directly into the back of your opponent, who has done the honest thing by taking front position, and then shove him out of the marking contest, but I thought this is exactly what the ‘push-in-the-back’ rule was supposed to prevent. Apparently the umpires needed to be reminded that players can actually be pushed in the back during marking contests, and not just when they get run down and tackled from behind. (This, by the way, is one of my pet hates of the ‘in-the-back’ rule. Surely we should be rewarding the player who chases, tackles and catches an opponent who has had plenty of time to dispose of the ball.)

Guys like James Clement and Leo Barry have been getting away with this shit for years, only the commentators call them things like ‘crafty’ and ‘experienced’. Did the umpires really believe that they were legally out-manoeuvring forwards who outweighed them by 20kgs or so? And while I’m calling players out, if the league doesn’t have a bias towards Sydney then Michael O’Louhglin should give away at least 5 of these free kicks a game. I’m serious, watch him next time. Oh, and Nathan Thompson will dive for these free kicks roughly 60 times throughout the season.

What they have said, however, is that anytime hands are placed in the back, or even touch the back, a free kick will be awarded, which sounds harsh, but I see what they’re trying to achieve. They’re implementing this rule to prevent the use of hands during marking duels and it’s basically about conditioning the players: The rules are adjudicated severely to begin with, then as the players realise this and adjust, the incidental stuff will be let go. The same thing happened with the ‘breaking-the-arms’ rule.

However, a lot of the rules of the game are open to interpretation and the umpire’s perception. The nature of the game, and the physicality of it, doesn’t always allow for clear and defined breaches of these rules and this is where common sense should over-ride pedantic law-making. Cam Mooney reckons defenders are now scared of the contest should they give away a free. Let the players play and intervene when there is an infringement, and it doesn’t need a specific point of the law type sub-classification, we all know when someone is interfering unfairly in the contest, so let the umpires make those decisions without the pressure of having a ridiculously over legislated rule book to back it up. It could simply be called ‘interference’, which could apply to holding, pushing, tripping, high contact or anything else that happens when a defender loses interest in the ball and seeks only to impede his opponent. However it pans out, if it helps ruin Sydney’s season, I’m all for it.

2. Geelong’s best 22

In the Herald-Sun on March 8, Mike Sheahan ran his preview for Geelong which included his version of their best team. And for the most part, Mike got it pretty right. Here’s his team:

Backs: Josh Hunt, Matthew Scarlett, Tom Harley
Half-backs: Darren Milburn, Matthew Egan, David Wojcinski
Midfield: Steven King, Joel Corey, Jimmy Bartel, Cameron Ling, Corey Enright, Max Rooke*
Half-forwards: Paul Chapman, Nathan Ablett, Cam Mooney
Forwards: Gary Ablett, Brad Ottens, Shannon Byrnes
Bench: James Kelly, Joel Selwood, David Johnson, Andrew Mackie

(*During the off-season Jarrad Rooke made the announcement that he would like to be officially reffered to by his middle name, Max, which is what he has alway gone by aparrently. Not as prententious as demanding to be called only Jimmy, but it does make him sound like a super villain.)

Without too much shuffling, this could very well be Geelong’s round one team this year, (If Matthew Stokes doesn’t take Shannon Byrnes spot when he’s available I’m officially starting rumours about his and Lips’ “relationship”) however, it does raise a few questions in regards to the players who would consider themselves unlucky to be there, (namely Steve ‘Dog’ Johnson, Chas Gardiner, Tim Callan, Brent Prismall, Kane Tenace, Tom ‘Hatchet’ Hawkins, Travis Varcoe and even Nathan Djerrkura), and those who will be feeling the pressure to hold their place. I would start with the four players Sheahan has named on the bench. It might be a bit much to expect Selwood to start round one, James Kelly needs a big year, David Johnson has not quite found his niche and Mackie, well, don’t get me started on him. I’d be interested to hear your ideas about Geelong’s best line-up so please feel free to name your best 22 in the comments section. As for me, I’ve never been a fan of Chas, I reckon Dog Johnson is worth the punt, Callan and Prismall have something to offer and I’d be very surprised if Varcoe doesn’t get a chance sooner rather than later. Which leads me to…

3. Geelong’s Aboriginal additions

After being the only club without any native Australians on their list, in the past 2 years the Cats have added Travis Varcoe, Matthew Stokes and Nathan Djerrkura. And I for one couldn’t be more excited, if only that it means we can finally put the Ronnie Burns Era behind us.

Stokes was the first to make an impact with his pressure and work rate as a small forward, and probably would started round one if not for his suspension, but it is Varcoe and Djerrkura who have the chance to give Geelong that explosive pace it has sorely lacked in the midfield. Last season in the VFL Varcoe gave glimpses of what he could do but was, by his own admission, never fully fit. This season he has been able to do all the work and looks close to a senior call up. Djerrkura has wraps on him as a ‘readymade’ AFL player and certainly looked the part in what I saw of him during one the Cats practise match. And both of these guys are only 18 years old.

4. Mooney finally permanently at Centre Half Forward

After spending much of last year in a variety of roles, this season Mooney went to the coaching staff and asked to be play Centre Half Forward permanently, which is exactly what I argued for in a blog last year. It seems the coaches couldn't figure this out so Mav had to do it himself. The Cats looked much better when he was down there and so far he's done the job in the game's hardest spot. Hopefully the Moon-dog can stay out of trouble and spare us all a second heping of Hank Playfair. And we still need to find an Ice-Man to Mooney's Maverick. Nathan Ablett anyone?

5. Did Geelong really want to win the NAB Cup?

I know I said I didn’t watch the game, but how badly would Geelong have wanted to win? Perhaps they didn’t want to win last week either but had no choice after Port pulled a supreme choke job. They rested Ottens again, and Harley, and pretty much their starting midfield began the game on the bench. If they had won, then you don’t want to lose a Grand Final, but bowing out in a semi, in which you didn’t particularly try your hardest, is acceptable in the pre-season. They get another practise match at KP, they can rest players without the pressure of a GF and, importantly, they take the stigma of being pre-season premiers off themselves. Has Lips learned something from last season?

Let’s hope so. I already love the addition of Neil Balme to the off-field team, and on-field they look fit, fast and hungry, not to mention some draftee by the name of Tom Hawkins made his debut in the VFL practise game last Sunday. Look’s like the Cats could have everyone available for round one, let’s just hope that Mrs. Watson is too.

The Captain's Random Musings

Random thoughts while wondering if Boadie ever made it back in from the 50 year storm…

Did anyone else feel a smug sense of satisfaction during the Geelong v Richmond NAB Cup game when Richo, running 60 metres into an open goal, looked up, saw a team-mate ahead of him, briefly thought about the handpass, ran the extra 10 metres to kick the goal himself and then pulled a hammy on his last step? No? Just me?

Lance Whitnall is in court again after threatening to kill his own brother. It’s true, and apparently the feud began after Whitnall’s brother’s wife failed to attend a birthday party for the Carlton captain’s son. Sheesh, Lance, maybe you want to sit down for a while there champ, have a Coke or something. That’s not over-reacting at all, is it, threatening to kill someone because they couldn’t make it to your kid’s party? Late night binge drinking, beating up women, threatening to kill family members; once again, just an outstanding job by Carlton appointing him captain, just outstanding.

At the beginning of Back to the Future 2 when Doc Brown tells Marty McFly that it’s imperative he return to the future, Marty’s response is, “What, do we turn out to be assholes or something?” Like that is the worst possible future he could imagine. “Wait a minute Doc, are you telling me that I’m losing my cool? That Jason Bateman is more popular than me? Let‘s go!” Why couldn’t Doc Brown visit Emilio Estevez in the mid 80’s “Quickly! You’re about to make another Mighty Ducks movie! Oh, and you’re brother is sleepwalking his way through another season of his crappy sitcom at half a million dollars an episode… welcome to the future”

After Daniel Kerr’s effort, climbing onto the roof of a taxi and then whipping the driver with his own aerial, remind me to cross Perth off my holiday destination list. It’s enough to make you long for the carefree days of Michael Gardiner. Seriously, what’s happening over there? First Gardiner, then Cousins, now Kerr plus Dean Solomon and Chris Tarrant have just moved in down the road. It’s times like these I wish you could bet on things like ‘first AFL player to turn up dead in the Swan River’.

Do you think this is year Paul Roos comes out and says, “Alright!!! I admit it! They’re all on steroids! We haven’t had an injury for 5 freakin years! I kept waiting for you all to figure it out!!”

I know Mrs. Watson doesn’t like him, but I’m excited about the 2nd Bruce McAvaney Era.

The Kings food-taster in medieval times would have been a good job. Seeing as though you’d probably die before 25 anyway, I’d take my chances and live like a King for as long as I could. Do you think the food-taster is that the origin of the food critic? “Ah, no poison my lord, but the steak is terribly chewy and the potatoes are just slightly underdone; I’d stick with the chicken.”

With the Kangaroos finally sorting out their off-field mess and admitting they’re looking at the Gold Coast long term, how long before they figure out what a great home ground advantage they could have? If I was the Kangaroos I’d be hiring drunken schoolies to find out what hotel the visiting team is staying in and not rest until Josh Fraser has 15 Rum and Cokes, Alan Didak has a pending assault case and Ben Johnson has herpes.