The Daniel Kerr Tapes, or, The Prince of Pop and the King of Rock’n’Roll
In the midst of an investigation, police tapped the phone of known drug dealer Shane Waters and recorded several of his telephone conversations. Of the hours and hours of recordings, it was revealed this week that police had identified, among many others, the voices of AFL players Daniel Kerr, Aaron Edwards and NBL player James Harvey. Big League Little League has managed to obtain a copy of this tape and will now present to you an unedited transcript.
Daniel Kerr: Shane, how are ya? I'm just recovering, I'm just feeling good today.
Shane Waters: You're f...ing crazy.
DK: I was f...ing struggling the other day, how are you feeling?
SW: Yeah fair and done, I'm ready to go tonight mate.
DK: Are you going out again tonight?
SW: Ah probably.
DK: F.. that's a big effort. Me and Couzy are supposed to be at training at 8:30 tomorrow morning. You shoulda seen us the other day, Woosha goes to us, ‘alright lads, handball drills; arrange yourselves in four lines,’ and Couzy goes to me, ‘four lines? Just like last night, hey Dan!’ Woosha f…ing spat it and next thing you know he was threatening to kick us out of training for being in a ‘state unfit to train’ or some bullshit. Whatever. As if he’s gonna do anything to us, who’s gonna play in the middle, Chad ‘I see dead people’ Fletcher? I don’t think so, I mean, it’s not like we’re just nobodies he can delist, like Aaron Edwards.
SW: Didn’t you and Cousins have a punch-up or something?
DK: Mate, you know how nights on the ‘Louie’ can go sometimes, plus, I mean, I am banging his sister. Still though, he’s a good guy to party with and there’s no too many of them left here these days. Ever since they got rid of Gardy we’ve been running out of blokes who don’t mind getting there nostrils dirty, if you know what I mean. Maybe we can trade for Stephen Milne next season, maybe he’ll have something to help me sleep.
SW: So what can I do for…
DK: We used to hook up with Jimmy Harvey too, remember him? Of course you don’t, no-one gives a shit about the NBL. He played for the Perth Wildcats for a while; I’ve never seen anyone snort off the backboard before. We did have a couple of good nights with the cheer-leading team and a bag of ‘Charlie’…
SW: I’m actually pretty busy here so if there’s…
DK: You ever seen that movie Scarface? That was some cool shit. “Say hello to my little friend!” Hahaha. I mean, how good would it be to just bury your head in Cocaine like that? And is that Michelle Pfeiffer? Was she married to Elvis? Nah, that was Priscilla Presley, wasn’t it. And then her daughter married Michael Jackson! So Elvis would have been Michael Jackson’s father-in-law! Can you imagine what that would have been like?
SW: Mate, can I help you with…
DK: ‘Dad, I’d like you to meet my fiancée, Michael’
‘Uh-huh, it’s ah, very-nice-to-meet-you, Sir’
‘I’m such a huge fan of your films and your records, Mr. Presley. Bubbles watches Clam Bake everyday’
‘Thank you very much’
‘Ow!’
‘Uh-huh’
‘Woo!’
‘Uh-huh’
SW: Look, Daniel…
DK: Wait! Shane, can you hear that?
SW: Hear what?
DK: That bass! It just kicked in!
SW: What?
DK: Wooo hooo!!! (Muffled sounds as the phone appears to have been dropped).
SW: Jesus…
DK: You there? Yeah sorry bout that, I love this track! Ah shit, I’m gonna have to go mate, Andrew Embley just rocked up.
(End call)
In the midst of an investigation, police tapped the phone of known drug dealer Shane Waters and recorded several of his telephone conversations. Of the hours and hours of recordings, it was revealed this week that police had identified, among many others, the voices of AFL players Daniel Kerr, Aaron Edwards and NBL player James Harvey. Big League Little League has managed to obtain a copy of this tape and will now present to you an unedited transcript.Daniel Kerr: Shane, how are ya? I'm just recovering, I'm just feeling good today.
Shane Waters: You're f...ing crazy.
DK: I was f...ing struggling the other day, how are you feeling?
SW: Yeah fair and done, I'm ready to go tonight mate.
DK: Are you going out again tonight?
SW: Ah probably.
DK: F.. that's a big effort. Me and Couzy are supposed to be at training at 8:30 tomorrow morning. You shoulda seen us the other day, Woosha goes to us, ‘alright lads, handball drills; arrange yourselves in four lines,’ and Couzy goes to me, ‘four lines? Just like last night, hey Dan!’ Woosha f…ing spat it and next thing you know he was threatening to kick us out of training for being in a ‘state unfit to train’ or some bullshit. Whatever. As if he’s gonna do anything to us, who’s gonna play in the middle, Chad ‘I see dead people’ Fletcher? I don’t think so, I mean, it’s not like we’re just nobodies he can delist, like Aaron Edwards.
SW: Didn’t you and Cousins have a punch-up or something?
DK: Mate, you know how nights on the ‘Louie’ can go sometimes, plus, I mean, I am banging his sister. Still though, he’s a good guy to party with and there’s no too many of them left here these days. Ever since they got rid of Gardy we’ve been running out of blokes who don’t mind getting there nostrils dirty, if you know what I mean. Maybe we can trade for Stephen Milne next season, maybe he’ll have something to help me sleep.
SW: So what can I do for…
DK: We used to hook up with Jimmy Harvey too, remember him? Of course you don’t, no-one gives a shit about the NBL. He played for the Perth Wildcats for a while; I’ve never seen anyone snort off the backboard before. We did have a couple of good nights with the cheer-leading team and a bag of ‘Charlie’…
SW: I’m actually pretty busy here so if there’s…
DK: You ever seen that movie Scarface? That was some cool shit. “Say hello to my little friend!” Hahaha. I mean, how good would it be to just bury your head in Cocaine like that? And is that Michelle Pfeiffer? Was she married to Elvis? Nah, that was Priscilla Presley, wasn’t it. And then her daughter married Michael Jackson! So Elvis would have been Michael Jackson’s father-in-law! Can you imagine what that would have been like?
SW: Mate, can I help you with…
DK: ‘Dad, I’d like you to meet my fiancée, Michael’
‘Uh-huh, it’s ah, very-nice-to-meet-you, Sir’
‘I’m such a huge fan of your films and your records, Mr. Presley. Bubbles watches Clam Bake everyday’
‘Thank you very much’
‘Ow!’
‘Uh-huh’
‘Woo!’
‘Uh-huh’
SW: Look, Daniel…
DK: Wait! Shane, can you hear that?
SW: Hear what?
DK: That bass! It just kicked in!
SW: What?
DK: Wooo hooo!!! (Muffled sounds as the phone appears to have been dropped).
SW: Jesus…
DK: You there? Yeah sorry bout that, I love this track! Ah shit, I’m gonna have to go mate, Andrew Embley just rocked up.
(End call)
posted by the captain at 10:00 pm
4 Comments:
BAHAHAHA
That was absolutely piss funny!
I read that police raided Daniel Kerr's house and confiscated three pairs of yellow pants and a glowstick.
Captain you have outdone yourself. Classic!
youre really a good webmaster. The web site loading speed is incredible. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. Also, The contents are masterpiece. Fotografia A�lubna Katowice youve done a great job on this topic!
Post a Comment
<< Home