Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Question & Answer, or, Don't Stop Believin'

Firstly, thanks to all who responded with questions or comments or comments disguised as questions. Some questions didn’t make it for space, some because they were essentially rhetorical and some because I couldn’t think of any jokes, but thanks to all nonetheless.

Secondly, we have to work out this Chris Jackson thing. One of you needs to us a nickname or a full(er) name or something. I’m even quite happy to throw it over to the other readers for some suggestions after I offer up the humble “CJ”. And how is it possible that a blog with four readers ends up with two of the same name? Never mind. On to the questions, starting with “you know who”…


Who do you think best qualifies for the following statement in the AFL: “They are like the island in "Lost" - you never know who will show up next or who might be brought back from the dead." Dogs, Saints or Freo?
- Chris Jackson

Captain: Can I also nominate Adelaide? The missing 75 pieces of Trent Hentschel’s knee have shown up, the corpse of Brett Burton is currently being resurrected and the skill that made them a top four side is clearly stuck in some sort of alternate universe.


Is there a current AFL big name player that is pound for pound more of a big game liability than Kosi?
- Fustercluck

Captain: The short answer is, other than several Bulldogs, no. The long answer is the first of a possibly ongoing gimmick called, “Overrated-Underrated”! (Sort of like a mini-blog within a blog. 2-for-1 this week! Shop around, you can't beat that!)

Overrated
Justin Kosichtzke – When asked on Footy Classified two weeks ago if Kosi was overrated, Grant Thomas replied with something close to, ‘he’s not, but his output has not matched expectations.’ Hmm, did you not just define overrated?

Anyone other than St Kilda or Geelong – The flag still goes through these two. The Dogs, Pies and Hawks are all just flavour of the month stuff.

My hangover back-up-ability – Overrated only by me; Mrs Watson buried me (and a few others) during this year’s annual Easter Bender. He’s unstoppable. At this point I’m pretty sure he has the same kidney/liver capacity as Keith Richards.

Cyril Rioli – Named No. 37 on Sheahan’s top 50 ahead of Marc Murphy, Shaun Higgins, Bernie Vince and Brad Sewell, to name a few. Then Dermott Brereton apparently called him potentially the best Aboriginal player ever. Hmm, let’s see; Andrew McLeod, Adam Goodes and Gavin Wanganeen, three Brownlow medallists mind you, or a flash in the pan, two-good-things-a-game, soft-as-shyte, crumbing forward flanker? Mike and Dermott, get f#cked.

Richmond’s future – If one’s future is so bright they have to wear shades, what do Richmond need, one of those mining helmets with the torch on top?

Bryce Gibbs – An excellent kick, yes, but other than that I just don’t see it. But perhaps I’m being a little harsh/premature.

Grill’d Burger – They keep popping up while Urban Burger keeps closing down.

Steve Johnson – Look, Steve, we appreciate what you’ve done the past few years, and everyone loves the impossible boundary line goals, but could you try and take possession without diving for a free kick just once this year? You’re turning into Geelong’s Jurgen Klinsman. You’re turning Mrs Watson into the Incredible Hulk; he just ends up growling that you’re making him, “so angry”.


Underrated
Sydney (The Swans, not the city) – Two wins from two games and they appear to be playing a more up-tempo style of play with Adam Goodes playing deep in the forward 50.

Mrs Watson’s straight line speed – He’s deceptively fast.

Tom Lonergan – Kept Scott Gumbleton to virtually nothing in Round One, backed it up with an excellent job on Buddy Franklin last week and, importantly, he hasn’t been giving away those ridiculous free kicks that plagued him last season.

Harry Taylor – Best centre-half back in the league. Would probably go alright at CHF too.

Josh Hunt’s return to Geelong’s defence – His kicking was excellent against the Hawthorn zone when precision was needed. I’d still like to see him get up the ground a little bit more and drive the ball deep in the forward 50.

Urban Burger – I just prefer them, ok?

Malcolm Blight – The most interesting commentator we’ve got and Channel 10 bury him on Sunday afternoons, doing Adelaide v North Melbourne games. Remember when he said “Rat’s toss-bag” on live TV as Stephen Quartermain stared on in disbelief? Good times.


Is it possible that I have been too hard on Shannon Byrnes in the past?
- Tee from Vancouver

Captain: No, he thoroughly deserved it, but I like to think it was character building; or, as his lawyers called it, “character assassination”.


Oh, and here's a question - under Chris Judd as captain, West Coast imploded and were exposed as a bunch of mafia wannabes and drug fiends. Under Chris Judd as captain, Carlton have been exposed as bunch of wannabe footballers and drunken clowns - what cursed luck. Given Judd can do no wrong, and is as close to a Mother Theresa/Ghandi figure that the AFL has ever seen, does that make him the gosh darndest unluckiest captain there has ever been?
- Atilla

Captain: There’s a bit of Jaques Kallis about Judd, I reckon; Terrific at what he does, probably one of the best of all time, but too aloof and self-centred to be given leadership responsibilities. So, you let him do his thing on the field, keep his media to a minimum and give the captaincy to someone the players actually like, or, a massive cheat who wagers on his own games with Indian bookmakers… Kinda like what Adelaide did.


Should I be concerned that I no longer give a shit whether Gazza stays or leaves?
- Chris Jackson in London


Captain: This is the correct Zen state to adopt: Gary is both staying and not staying.


Where will Tom Hawkins go this year? Will he ever get close to his pre-drafted reputation?
- Dean Sherr

Captain: Tommy B. Hawkins is not going to be Jonathon Brown. We all need to accept that. But will he improve? Undoubtedly. He looked pretty good against Hawthorn the way he was jumping into packs and attacking the ball, and soon enough a few of those are going to stick. I think absolute best case scenario is Stewart Loewe lite.


Will I ever be able to afford a house in Herne Hill? Anyone got Stokes number?
Will bigleaguelittleleague be added to Senator Conroy's internet Filter? When the Chinese take over, who would be their favorite team in the AFL?
- Geraldo at large

Captain: The answers to these questions all tie in together like a series of The Wire. It involves Triads, corrupt sporting officials, a meth lab, an iphone app and several signed Mathew Stokes jerseys. As Lester Freamon said, “all the pieces matter”.


Why the hell does everyone suddenly love Barry Hall these days? Why did I not hear "Don't stop believing" for 15 years between 1994 and 2009, then hear it 7,216 times in 2009?
- Chris Jackson

Captain: Maybe the same thing is happening with Barry Hall as happened with Journey: Maybe people went, “You know what, it’s great to have some Barry Hall back in my life!” But, like Journey, Barry will eventually remind people why no-one wanted to hear his song for the past two years.


Captain, have you actually found an interesting and entertaining use for Twitter?
- Captain, Big League Little League

Captain: Yeah, that’s right; I’m asking myself a question. And funny I should mention twitter, because I will be providing live tweets throughout a yet to be chosen, live televised Geelong game at some point this year. So for those who are not on twitter, get involved and join me (and hopefully Mrs W) @bigleaguelittle on Twitter and I’ll keep you updated on when we’ll be doing this. I look forward to several “Russell Robertson is doing Nothern Territory infomercials?” jokes!