The Brother(s) Grim, or, H.T.S. explained


I was convinced it was a two horse race. Kenny Hinkley or Brenton Sanderson. Mrs Watson and I both fell in to the Hinkley camp, me personally due to his greater breadth of experience and Brenton Sanderson’s mild case of H.T.S.

(Mrs. Watson explains: Unlike other Syndromes, HTS is not based in any way on medical, or even scientific actualities. It is instead, solely based on the appearance of individuals - the collective opinion that a person looks... weird. Sufferers of HTS are not commonly viewed as ugly, rather, are considered strange looking, and in fact, in most cases arouse curiosity in nearby parties. Paradoxically, despite their intriguing appearance, HTS sufferers almost always induce feelings extreme discomfort in any individual within visual proximity. The first cases of HTS (AKA: Harry Taylor Syndrome) were recorded in 2008. The seriousness of each HTS case is based on the following levels: Grant Denyer (Low Level); Christian Slater (Medium Level); Scottie Pippen (High Level); Harry Taylor (Very High Level); Christina Ricci (Too High).)

As for Chris Scott, I assumed he was included merely as “we’re doing our homework, casting a wide net, blah blah blah” ass-covering policy. I never actually considered that he was a real option; needless to say, his appointment as coach of Geelong came as somewhat of a shock. So what do we know about him?

With Brisbane, Scott won premierships, saw sustained success and was in the leadership group under coach Leigh Mathews. He then joined Fremantle as an assistant were he was credited with much of their recent turnaround.

Importantly, however, Scott was never a talented player. Indeed, in terms of talent you’d struggle to fit him in the top 20 of those Brisbane teams. Yet he made up for this with physical imposition (Chris, you will recall, was the one who immediately starting bumping the very recently dislocated shoulder of Nick Riewoldt), single-mindedness and a thorough attention to detail: All promising signs.

If you look at some of the most successful coaches of any sport, they are often these types of players; rarely does the star player make the transition to star coach, or, perhaps rarely does he want to. Lips was a back pocket player, same as Mick Malthouse and Kevin Sheedy (Leigh Mathews is the exception here). In the NBA, Phil Jackson, 10-time championship coach, was a bruising ‘hustle’ player for the Knicks in his day. In the NFL it is often offensive lineman and not quarterbacks who turn out to be the best coaches. Even the usually conservative Australian cricket board has in recent times appointed many critical thinkers who were average as players.

Maybe the great players relied on instinct, didn’t need to think or understand so much and as such couldn’t explain it. Or maybe the guys who had to fight harder for their place were forced to develop a deeper comprehension of the game. Either way, slightly above average players seem to make good coaches.

What the appointment of Scott also tells us is that The Cats are ready for a fresh start and an ‘outsider’ casting his eye over the place might just provide a little more objectivity. (For what it’s worth, Thompson is a monty to go to the bombers but I don't begrudge him anything after two flags. He can take a dump in the centre of Kardinia Park for all I care. Kinda like what Mark Blake has been doing. I have no idea about the loss of McCartney but as long as Brian Cook, and to a certain extent Neil Balme, are there it should be ok. Also, it’s probably not the best time for Frank “The Godfather” Costa to be stepping down but that was a long time planned so hopefully they have that sorted.)

Revealingly, during his last press conference, Lips mentioned that he and the coaching staff recognized the need to tweak the gameplan but could not get the 100% “buy in” required from the players. One of the first things Scott made a point of mentioning was that the younger talent on Geelong’s list needed to, and will be, given their opportunities. Given the complacency, the recent pre-Scott re-signings of Milburn and Wojcinski, plus the history of “spiritual” leader Matthew Scarlett vetoing some coaches (Darren Cresswell) while publically campaigning for others (Brenton Sanderson) how united a group is he going to inherit?

There is something about hope in sports that is more exhilarating than success. And perhaps if Scott had been in place a month earlier the club may have been a bit more bold and ruthless. It's apparently a deep draft and Geelong has six draft picks in the top 60 (15, 23, 36, 53, 57, 58) but only four available spots on the senior list. With Taylor Hunt, Daniel Menzel, Mitch Duncan and a few other pushing as well, perhaps there are still more changes to come.

Chris Scott has some tough decisions ahead, but if history is any guide, he’s not afraid of being the bad guy.

Gold Coast Gary and the Case of the Missing Meat Pies

Captain: Let me get this straight; Lips is gone, Ablett is gone, Leigh Brown is a premiership player and you’re back. Am I in one of those Twilight Zone episodes where everything has changed but I’m the same?

Mrs Watson: I’m not back, and don’t pretend you watched the Twilight Zone - that shit was produced in the 60s. Regardless, you sound surprised about Ablett. Did you not see Dane Beams' sexual assault allegations on the horizon either?

Captain: Ablett leaving is second only to the closure of Beaumonts Pies as Geelong’s greatest tragedy. Still, as Dane Beams hasn’t apparently learnt yet, free will is alive and well. But, the friggin’ Gold Coast? Really? I guess you can’t buy taste. What do you think about my idea to re-recruit Nathan Ablett in a purely spite-driven move?

Mrs Watson: I pretty much base all my life decisions on spite, so naturally, I fully endorse your plan. I also suggest that once we’ve secured the deal, we trade him immediately to an Adelaide side thereby ruining his life as well. Do you know it’s legal to be Dean Brogan in Adelaide, Captain? And now Richard Tambling lives there. Can’t be a good place.

Captain: Speaking of gawky looking ruckmen and pointless trades, apparently there is ZERO interest around the league in your pet, Mark ‘Silkworm’ Blake. When he returns to KP with his tail between his legs, will he be given the no. 1 job or the Peter Street treatment? Is Trent West gone? Is Nathan Vardy a chance to play seniors? Is Dawson Simpson the reverse Neil Craig? This situation needs to be sorted out; to paraphrase Jeff Thomson, Tom Hawkins isn’t a ruckman’s asshole.

Mrs Watson: Hawkins isn’t a forward’s asshole either, apparently, but anyway... All this Mark Blake hating bothers me. I mean, sure, he’s a really fucking horrible footballer, but let’s not forget that Brad Ottens played only 6 games in 2009 and didn’t show up for the Grand Final. As far as I’m concerned, Blake deserves a break – whether you like it or not, he’s our most recent Premiership ruckman. Man, I hated Peter Street though. That guy was shit.

Captain: Poor old Bradley, he’s really fallen off the face of the earth, hasn’t he? Let me forward a reader question to you; how good can Trav Varcoe become? Is he capable, at least partially, of filling the Ablett void? And is there anyone else we can expect/hope to step up?

Mrs Watson: Travis Varcoe has hit the roof. He won’t get any better. And just to confirm, you’re asking me if he or anyone else is capable of filling Ablett’s void? Is that right?

Captain: ...

Mrs Watson: Ok. Well, let me put it this way. No one can fill Ablett’s void completely. Varcoe could probably fill say, 65, 70% of Ablett’s void, but someone else would have to fill in what’s left. Then you’ve got two people filling Ablett’s void. And who’s going to fill that’s person void?

Captain: …

Mrs Watson: [Look Captain, just a side note here... you’re really going to have to phrase your questions a little more carefully in the future.] What I’m trying to say is, we can’t expect to be completely satisfied with however this unfolds. But nevertheless, this scenario really excites me.

Captain: Yep. They really need to squeeze some of the kids into this team and find out what, exactly, we have. And start with Taylor Hunt, who has some pace and awareness and did not seemed fazed at all playing seniors. While you’re on a roll, Mrs W, make a call on the future of the following players: Ottens, Milburn, Rooke, Joel Corey and Cameron Ling.

Mrs Watson: 2011, for me, will be less about recruiting, and more about caching draft picks, playing some youngsters, and still making the eight. To achieve this, we’re gonna need Milburn (still probably handier than Mackie, in a sense), Ling and Corey. I can’t remember anything Ottens has done since the 2007 Grand Final, and due to injury, we’ve been essentially “doing without” him for some time. Rooke may find a place in a Cats side that needs him to just stand in the one spot, but other than that, him and his outrageous haircut will limp out his current contract, and that’ll be it.

Captain: I like this approach but is there any chance The Cats could transplant Max Rooke’s hair onto the P.O.D.? And perhaps Dasher’s testacles onto Andrew Mackie? Was that a cheap shot? Shannon Byrnes would have been odds-on there, surely. Who is going to coach this ragged outfit, W? I always enjoyed the work of Kenny Hinkley as a player. Any thoughts?

Mrs Watson: Malcolm Blight or Mark Williams. These would be my two choices. In fact, I propose a two pronged coaching setup. Something like this: Mark Williams coaches from the box, and Malcolm Blight from the sidelines. Chocco relays messages to Blighty, who is free to interpret and pass on as he sees fit. Either that or, yes, Ken Hinkley.

Captain: We’ve covered Nathan Ablett, Peter Street, Beaumonts pies, spiteful interstate moves, various voids and now Blighty; if it’s not the Twilight Zone, Mrs W, it must be Big League Little League.

Rebuild, Reload and Relax

Whilst indifferently watching ‘Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich II’, I found myself pondering such questions as, ‘how long has Brent Macaffer been homeless?’ and ‘guess the higher number; Cloke’s jumper or IQ’. And it dawned on me how very good Geelong has been for such a long time and how unlikely it all was/is.

In the dark days of the early 00’s, when Paul Corrigan and Derek Hall were prominently involved, I’m fairly certain Mrs Watson would have sold his mother into slavery for a Cats flag – I won’t go in to what he may have done for a second – so to say the past four years have exceeded expectation is a bit like saying Stephen Milne is a bit dodgy; a massive understatement.

Since 2007 The Cats have a winning record of 74 – 14, have finished every season in the top two and won the two previously mentioned glorious premierships. They’ve been talked about as perhaps the most dominant side ever and certainly as one of the most entertaining. They have maintained a level of excellence over four years that is, in the modern, parity driven AFL, bordering on impossible (consider that during Geelong’s 2007 flag campaign, two of their most recent rivals, St Kilda and the Bulldogs, didn’t even play finals.) And I point this out because while Collingwood continues their celebrations/sexual assaults and the media are already counting how many more flags the current “Magpie dynasty” will win, it is worth remembering that periods of long domination in the AFL are the exception, not the rule. And we’ve seen all this before.

Late in 2008, Collingwood abandoned their typical man-on-man style and adopted a “box” zone defence. As far as I can tell, this seems to be a combination of the 2005 Swans ‘numbers to the contest’ style and essentially the zone that Hawthorn made famous in 2008. It works by having all 18 players push to surround the ball (2005 Swans) but spread evenly about 15m apart guarding a space and not an opponent (2008 Hawks). The opposition find it hard to move the ball because a legal kick must travel 15m, the distance they space their defenders. The only easy kick is directly backwards, which, if taken, will only move the Collingwood “box” forward and essentially ‘shorten’ their defensive field. Trying to run and handpass through the zone is difficult because as the zone moves with the ball, help is never far away; if you get past one man, he has teammates in grid formation already closing.

This system is pretty clever as it does not rely on beating your direct opponent (indeed you may not actually have one) but on discipline and hard work. You have to trust the zone and know where to be positioned and you need the fitness to get there. Offensively Collingwood are the same as ever; ride the boundaries when coming out of defence and a quick kick forward to a contest if won out of the middle. But with this “box” defence they look invincible. For now, anyway.

In 2005 and 2006 West Coast and Sydney’s equally ugly style of man-on-man play reaped dividends and media commentators were bemoaning the future where all games would be one big scrum. Likewise in 2008, Hawthorn won a premiership playing a “cluster” defence and, despite the media anointing them, the following year they failed to make the finals.

Just like Geelong’s answer to Sydney’s tight, man-on-man play was to continually play on and run and kamikaze handball and leave the opposition gasping, so too the “cluster” or “box” is answer to The Cats daring style. And soon enough we’ll have an answer to for this too (once you do break the zone the forward line is often waaaaaaaay open).

As for Geelong, they will begin a mini-rebuild, (more on this and Travis Varcoe to come) in the shadow of their recent greatness, with a new coach who hopefully watched both Grand Finals a lot more closely, and a lot less drunk, than I.