A Foot, a Wax, a Trade & a Ranga

Spring has traditionally been looked at as a time of growth and renewal and all other types of vague clichéd analogies that can be drawn from leaves falling off trees. So, after spending most of the last two months trying to forget, I am now born anew, like Lazarus! (Or whoever that ancient God was that was famously reborn. I’m sure there were a few.) March and the NAB Cup can’t come soon enough. I can see it now; the wacky rules, the atrocious skills, the prominent involvement of Kane Tenace… Who’s ready for some football?!

But before we go around again in 2009, let’s go through a quick cheat-sheet of what I like to call, “what-the-Captain-can-remember-from-the-off-season”. (At this point I would like to point out that I will not be fielding any questions about 2008 until The Cats win another flag or I have Alistair Clarkson’s head in a box like Brad Pitt at the end of Se7en.)

Ben Cousins
The AFL and Adolf Demetriou have insisted upon some pretty stringent, and probably redundant, testing procedures attached to Cousins’ reinstatement into the league, and there are several, most of them valid, differing opinions about this floating around in the media. It’s been tackled from every angle, to the point that we are all now up to speed on Ben’s recent Brazilian. I tried to come up with my take on this thing a few times, but I just don’t think I care. I will say I’ll be massively surprised if he can get back to the level he was playing at a few years ago but, importantly, haven’t St.Kilda learned their lesson? Cousins and Nathan Carroll, really? More washed up, recycled players? After the unspeakable success of Chaz and Michael, the brothers Gardiner? I feel like Brody from Mallrats, watching that bastard kid climb back on the escalator; “The Saints are back in the PRE-SEASON DRAFT!!”

Richmond’s new captain
Speaking of stunning success stories, the Tigers have continued theirs by naming Chris “Who?” Newman as their new captain, replacing Kane “He’s actually playing?” Johnson. Newman will switch to Guernsey number 17, which all Tiger captains wear, although 9 would be much more fitting. Sigh. I say it every year but I guess I’ll have to say it again; there will be nothing but garbage out of Punt Road until Terry Terrific is gone. What a disgrace of a club. I can’t believe their members put up with it. To make up for it, every September Richmond memberships should be made redeemable for “Door Charge and 2 drinks” at the Spearmint Rhino.

GC17
Guy McKenna… pre-season training… Rumours of Nathan Ablett… Ridiculous amount of draft picks that will destroy the league when they join… yada yada yada…

Egan
The club has confirmed what most of us have thought for a while, and what Mrs Watson has thought all along, that Egan’s career is done, although he is seeking a second opinion. To recap, Egan broke his navicular bone after Jonathon Brown landed on top of it, round 22, 2007. With the bone being so small, and at an extremity, it gets little blood and takes an extended period to heal. Egan did further damage, during an impossible comeback bid for the 2007 Grand Final. He then had screws inserted into the foot when apparently the best remedy is to rest and let the bone “re-fuse” naturally. 18 months later, Egan is still limping and retired at age 24. Boy, when we fuck something up, we don’t go half way, do we?

International Rules Series
Did not watch one minute of this. Don’t know, don’t care. Fuck it off, Demetriou.

The Fixture
Memo to AFL: More Monday night games. We can handle it. Can you imagine coming home from work, having just had the standard, crappy Monday and then having a live AFL game to watch? Who’s not watching that?! It’ll rate the balls of Idol! Demetriou, please think of the money; won’t somebody think of the money!! Plus, my possible drinking nights will increase by 14%. Good times!

Michael Voss
Well, Vossy’s got the prime-time gig he always dreamed about, bluffing the Lions into it by first signing as an assistant at West Coast (on a related note, Voss’ former team-mate, Nigel Lappin, is the new assistant at Geelong, which is a positive). For any Brisbane fans out there, judging by his commentary, you may want to re-watch the “three-peat” DVD at some point this season. Actually, just have it cued up every weekend, you know, just in case. It is, however, always good to have guys that are fresh out of the game involved in coaching. Otherwise you end up with a live, nationally-televised, 3-quarter time address and a 60 year-old Kevin Sheedy calling for “Duckworth to go forward”. Not good times.

Trades, Draft, Etc.
The national draft this coming Saturday provides a chance to add some more talent from what is being talked about as a pretty deep talent pool. To be honest, they probably seem deeper these days because teams are doing more homework and finally realise the value of a first round draft pick. (When the Cats traded for Brad Ottens, they moved Maloney to Melbourne for pick 8 [I think]. What do the think the odds of us getting pick 8 for Maloney now would be? You’d get laughed out of the office.) Geelong will use four picks; 15, 33, 39 and 49 and should get well-rated prospects with at least the first two. A couple of names I’ve heard mentioned are Aaron Cornelius, a key forward close to the Daniel Bradshaw mould, and Tom Swift, a star of a couple of years ago who has been injured of late. I’ll also throw up Steele Sidebottom, but only because he sounds like Dirk Diggler’s latest co-star Anyway, Neil Balme is on record as saying that the Cats will go ‘best player available’ but their strategy should also tell us what they think about the development of last years draftees, and particularly the Key position guys, (and potential law firm) Simpson, Simpson and McKenna. I hope we get to see some of these bastards in the pre-season.

We lost Prismall, and for probably below market value, but so what? He isn’t Chris Judd and he was probably gonna spend another year getting 40 possessions a week against Werribee anyway. Plus, we’ve already signed one rookie, who apparently would have been a top 25 pick and at his best could be something approaching Daniel Kerr. He has an impossible to spell surname, so until Mrs Watson can formulate a complicated, ironic nickname involving something disgusting about his personal life, let me be the first to say that it’s good to have another Ranga at the club.

Cricket or, Not Football

Only the second test series loss of Ponting’s career, the first being the ’05 Ashes when the Poms had the ball swinging more than ‘60s Bowie, and the media is all over him like mint-induced saliva on a Kookaburra. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Dick Ponting is by any means a great captain, or even a very good one, but by the same means, he’s not terrible. It’s just that Australia hasn’t had a tactically sharp captain since Mark Taylor (which is why it was such a shame that Warne was passed over for the top job; sure, he was a complete twat off the field, but I can’t but think that he would have brought some innovative ideas to the table as captain). So as the pencils are being sharpened on the 450 or so ‘Australian cricket is crumbling’ articles being prepared for the weekend, let’s take a quick look at the issues surrounding Australian cricket.

Captain Dick
He is a very good batsman, even great at times (although not in the Lara or Tendulkar class) but he does lack certain instincts for the game. His captaincy record is great by the numbers, but he is too reactionary and unimaginative as captain and probably misses someone like Darren Lehman for the left-field, “let’s finish this six-pack and open the bowling with Damien Martyn” ideas. Make no mistake, he made a poor decision about whom to bowl and when, although it did happen after the tea break, so perhaps he was worded up by team management.

Ponting seems like a stubborn little prick and I can’t really see his captaincy improving. I also doubt he’d ever step aside as captain, although that actually may extend his batting career. If a change was made, Michael Clarke is the only real alternative and he does seem to have some of that “cricketing savant” about him. Plus, he is banging Lara Bingle, so he’s got that going for him, which is nice. The selectors have given him some experience captaining in one day and twenty20 matches in then past, and will again this summer, and he will be watched very closely. Let’s hope he shows some spark.

Over Rates
Slow over rates, the apparent reason for the bowling of Michael Husey's pies, have been in a problem in test cricket for a long time. If no-one can get the overs in, are we simply expecting too much? These days we have more stoppages due to third umpire decisions, equipment changes, bad sportsmanship, giant powerade trucks, etc. but how about this for a solution; start earlier or turn the frickin’ lights on and we play until the 90 overs are done.

Winning in India
Australia has only done this once since 1964. Shane Warne, the greatest spin bowler ever, notoriously struggled there. This team, with no spinner, an out-of-sorts top order (Hayden, Ponting, Clarke) and a pace attack that has yet to define itself, was never going to win. The 2-0 score line isn’t as bad as it suggests and the team showed some spirit in tough situations, especially the bowling, which was a big concern. Let's not read too much into this just yet.

All-rounders
Even though I had high hopes, the Cameron White experiment is over. I thought with the emergence of his batting and the potential of his Kumble-style bowling, he was going to emerge as Australia’s next all-rounder. What I forgot, however, was the golden rule, that all-rounders must be worth their spot as specialist. In that regard, Shane Watson might be ok yet. He has looked like the selectors golden boy in recent times but he probably had his best series in India (which isn’t necessarily saying much). If his body holds up, and the top order can give him some protection, he will give Andy Symonds a big run for the no. 6 spot. (That is, if Symonds doesn’t piss off to play IPL twenty20 and fish for Barra permanently for about half a mill a game.)

The Spinner(s)
Ever since Stuart “contingency plan” MacGill went down with Carpel Tunnel syndrome, or RSI, or gout, or whatever the hell it was, the selectors have been in all-sorts. Panicking, they sent for Cameron White as a replacement, and then played him instead of the other selected specialist spinner, who we all know now was Jason Krejza. White struggled, the selectors persevered, I hoped, Ponting hardly bowled him, Krejza got his chance when the Aussies had nothing to lose, he took 12-for and we found our spinner. With that haul, Krejza’s confidence will be through the roof and the spinning spot is now his to lose. What I liked about his performance was his confidence. Warne and all the greats have often said that temperament is the key to a good spinner: He was getting smashed, but he kept his head and kept throwing them up. Can’t wait to see who his South African bunny will be.

Everything else
Simon Katich looks to have sewn up his spot as an opener, although he bats slower than Ricky Ponting bowls… Hayden is in his annual “Just when I looked washed up I’ll make 250 against New Zealand and get another 15 tests to my name” mode… Brad Haddin needs some runs, I would have thought… I’m enjoying the Mitchell Johnson era and am still looking forward to the Phil Jaques era… Shane Watson could challenge for Greg Blewett’s title of “best technique player who constantly gets bowled between bat and pad”… What ever happened to Ben Hilfenhaus, an Australian bowler who could actually swing the ball?... I miss Mark Waugh’s slip catching… I think it’s time to have both Husseys in the Australian middle order… Peter Siddle looked just OK: I’m reserving judgement… New Zealand and South Africa up next: Paging Shaun Tait, paging Shaun Tait…