Mailbag Time!
As promised, here is the first ever Big League Little League Mailbag! Thanks to all who contributed questions and feel free to leave any other questions throughout the remainder of the season; if there’s enough I’ll compile these into a second mailbag. Now, on to the answers!
When are we allowed to ask questions about whether Gary Ablett Jr will be better than Dad? End of the Season?
- Tee
You can ask the question whenever you like but no-one will answer it. Including me.
A touchy one perhaps: does it really matter if Nathan Ablett plays again?
- Tee
No, it doesn’t, but I didn’t think he would return at all. Actually, that’s not true; my initial thought was that he was doing it just to avoid pre-season training, which is the kind of rat-cunning we need in this team. I think we can now see that Nablett’s overall impact was overstated when a guy with one kidney and apparently no hands is producing a statistically superior season. (Nathan Ablett 2007: 21 games, 34 goals, 191 disposals, 86 marks. Tom Lonergan 2008: 11 games, 26 goals, 124 disposals, 55 marks.) Long live ‘Beans’ Lonergan!
Who has the worst name: Brodie Moles, Chris Kangars, Liam Bedford, Adam Donohue or Jeremy Laidler?
- Tee
Brodie Moles, without doubt. He’s got the double threat; the wanky, faux-trendy, new-ageism of Brodie and the dirty sounding, no escaping it, Moles. But you’re right, it’s an interesting mix. Adam Donohue sounds like a 70’s pop singer, Chris Kangars sounds like a Footrot Flats character, Liam Bedford sounds like that kid you went to school with who had no mates and ate weird sandwiches and Jeremy Laidler sounds like any number of B-grade Australian actors guest starring in this week’s Sea Patrol.
How did Brad Ottens get the name 'Sex Fingers'?
- Tee
Heard on fairly good authority that he fucks everything he touches.
Here's a question for you: since when did David Wojcinski become (according to Tim Lane) David Vujinski? I know he's injured but that question's been bothering me for months and I want answers. And while I'm on my soapbox, why the f uck did we start pronouncing Riewoldt as Rievoldt?? Last I looked we lived in an English-speaking country. They can say Rievoldt until the cows come home in Germany, but until they actually beat us in a war its pronunciation should remain the way the Queen intended it!
- Chris Jackson in Cairo
I think Tim Lane has appointed himself as the ‘educated, moral voice’ of the commentary box, only he confuses ‘being educated’ with ‘making stuff up to sound educated’. By the way, this question won this week’s “WWII reference that made Mrs Watson and I laugh out loud” award.
Why is David Johnson called "dog"?
- BTO
As Tee pointed out, ‘Dog’ Johnson would be referring to the Steve variety, not the David. I think I overheard someone in the outer calling him a dog early in his career and just thought ‘Dog Johnson’ was an awesome name; kinda like Don Johnson, only with less homose xual undertones.
Why are all the fans in the Doug Wade Stand complete bogans?
- BTO
Firstly, what is the Doug Wade stand? They changed the names a few years ago and I haven’t caught on. Since my childhood the KP attendance options for me have been the outer, or Hickey stand seats if the Old Man got lucky at the track that week. Everything else in between was, and still is, completely unknown to me. Why are there so many bogans there? Simple; the downfall of Beaumont’s Pies. For years that joint was the backbone of Geelong, providing employment, town pride, a sense of identity, and not to mention some bloody first class pies! Australia’s no.1 pie 3 years running! And what do they do? Sell up and change the recipe! Rubbish! This country’s stuffed! No wonder we can’t win any bloody gold medals. Geelong’s social and economic regression is directly linked to those spheres of pure pastry goodness. Shame on whoever bought/changed Beaumont’s. What will Mrs Watson throw at Shannon Byrnes when he’s playing for Richmond next year?!?
How about the Olympics - what's your best performance? For mine it has been the women's beach volleyball team from Georgia - just for turning up. Awesome team, not bad volleyballers either.
- Anon
Not interested in the Olympics. Table tennis, really, there’s a gold medal for table tennis? As a general rule, anything that can be done in your garage is not an Olympic event. Actually, I am interested in the 100m sprint. They should reduce the event to this only; a 4 hour opening ceremony, a 10 second event and a four hour closing ceremony. All over with in time to show a LIVE football game.
As a "Where Are They Now" type question, what's Marty up to these days?
- Daryl Cotton
He’s got a new gig doing Channel Ten’s weather. (For Mrs Watson’s sake, youtube Marty Monster fighting a boxing kangaroo. After a while Marty starts to take it personally and really goes after him.)
Can the Cats find suitable replacements for Scarlett, Harley, Milburn, Mooney and perhaps Ottens in the next 2-3 years?
- Fustercluck
With Blake, West, Mumford and Simpson, The Cats ruck stocks look really strong. I particularly like Trent West, even though he is the smallest of the bunch, as his skills are excellent and he could even be played forward if needed. Hopefully Hatchet can fill a Key forward spot sooner rather than later, and we drafted about 4 other key position guys last year who are at various stages of their development. The big question, regarding replacing Scarlett, Harley and Milburn however can be addressed as such…
Matthew Egan, are we ever gonna see his face again?
- Tee
Oooh, the million dollar question. I think a lot of media forget that we are actually missing Egan, the ah, *ahem* All-Australian centre half back. However, to paraphrase Mrs Watson, stick a fork in him. Mrs W called a long while back that we won’t see him again. Here’s hoping he’s wrong.
Should the young Cats on the selection fringe forget about the caring, sharing assist driven forward stuff and get the eyes focussed on the goals? If Hatchet had of been a little greedier earlier on might he have gotten Nablett's spot instead of Lonergan? To Gamble's credit, he seems to hate giving goals away if he can avoid it.
- Fustercluck
I like the sharing around, and with The Cats skills being so good, it’s worth it to hit up a spot where even Monty couldn’t miss. I also reckon it breeds a good atmosphere within the team; everyone knowing that if they work for position they’ll get the ball. It can go a bit far at times and look like lairising, but I’m all for it. Hatchet, however, is another story. He just doesn’t have the skills yet which is why he might be better off trying to have a shot anywhere within 50.
Could we spend out $70 "Salary Cap" on having the fence that Robert Walls sits on every Saturday night electrified?
- Fustercluck
Can we just get all the major networks to agree to employ Brayshaw, Brian Taylor and Garry Lyon to call every AFL game, plus to never, ever hire David Schwarz?
I have a great question Captain... Do you think Shannon Byrnes reads this blog? Do you think he was trying to silence his critics tonight?
- Tee
I certainly hope not, ‘cos there’s no way in Hell I’m outrunning the little guinea pig. He’s making his late run for the finals again, isn’t he? Credit where credit is due, that was probably the best game I’ve seen him play, but if he plays finals I’m coming calling for that $70, and believe me, that will go a long way with my friends in low places. Maybe someone needs to drop a link to Travis Varcoe, because he’s getting an awful amount of negative attention at the moment…
Has Travis Varcoe ever gotten his own footy?
- Chris Jackson in Wazirista
Is it just me, but does Travis Varcoe get into the side for tackles only?
- BTO
Is it possible that Travis Varcoe is only quick in a straight line? Have a closer look when next you see him in action. It's no point taking off like a Lamborghini if you have the turning circle of a Japanese whaling vessel.
- Fustercluck
The short answer to all three questions here is, ‘quite possibly’. The longer answer would be to say that he has improved and his role is probably primarily about forward line pressure and outside running but I prefer to leave it at ‘quite possibly’. He’s a mortal lock be dropped for the finals anyway. Poor Donald.
Is Brent Prismall the only right-footer in the AFL unable to kick on his left?
- Chris Jackson
I have noticed this too and think it’s a recent development; I’m sure I remember him using his left side with no trouble prior to his latest 5-6 match spurt. Perhaps the pressure of trying to keep his spot, and thus limit mistakes, has brought this about? It’s the only thing I can think of, well, either that, or he’s a right-sided Shannon Byrnes.
Sydney fans went nuts when the Swans kicked the first goal of the last quarter - their 8th of the match - to reduce the margin to 47 points. Are they that clueless?
- Chris Jackson
Yes.
Why does my front lawn have to wither and die while Australian companies grow rice in Queensland in operations that use more water in one year than the entire volume of Sydney harbour? Why do we grow our own rice when we can import it from Asia for about 1 cent a tonne?
- Chris Jackson
While rice farming does have its issues with effective water usage and best practises etc, without getting into the complexities of international trade negotiation, let me just say, regarding your front lawn, suck it up, princess.
What if Adam had been gay?
- Chris Jackson
Then he would have removed that rib for a very different reason.
Why did no kid have ADD 20 years ago?
-Chris Jackson
Chris, no-one was diagnosed with ADD prior to 1990 because it’s not a real condition. ADD is code-word for ‘lazy-parenting’. In the 1980’s and earlier, any child displaying what these days might be considered ADD-type symptoms were treated on the spot; with a swift wooden spoon (or in my case a plastic spatula) to the backside. And it worked quite well. It produced a generation of self-sufficient, productive individuals, like Ben Lexcen. He invented the winged keel. What has this generation given us? Moby-listening, Croc-wearing, neo-hippy-yuppy parents who don’t take responsibility for their own snot-nosed bundle of crap’s self-discipline. They blame sugar laden food, TV advertising, Playstation games and anything else that gives them an excuse to drop the little bastards at Mum’s house for the weekend so they can attend “Earthcore” to catch up with their “so-left-they’re-right” Academic asshole buddies and discuss how their generation is doing so much better than their parents’… Ah, let’s just move on before Andrew Bolt wants his column back.
A train is travelling southwards along a track at 70kph, while a train is travelling the northwards at 120kph on the same track. etc etc.
- Chris Jackson
You take the chicken across then come back for the corn, take the chicken back with you when you bring the corn, and take the fox and leave the chicken this time, now leave the fox with the corn and come back for the chicken.
As promised, here is the first ever Big League Little League Mailbag! Thanks to all who contributed questions and feel free to leave any other questions throughout the remainder of the season; if there’s enough I’ll compile these into a second mailbag. Now, on to the answers!When are we allowed to ask questions about whether Gary Ablett Jr will be better than Dad? End of the Season?
- Tee
You can ask the question whenever you like but no-one will answer it. Including me.
A touchy one perhaps: does it really matter if Nathan Ablett plays again?
- Tee
No, it doesn’t, but I didn’t think he would return at all. Actually, that’s not true; my initial thought was that he was doing it just to avoid pre-season training, which is the kind of rat-cunning we need in this team. I think we can now see that Nablett’s overall impact was overstated when a guy with one kidney and apparently no hands is producing a statistically superior season. (Nathan Ablett 2007: 21 games, 34 goals, 191 disposals, 86 marks. Tom Lonergan 2008: 11 games, 26 goals, 124 disposals, 55 marks.) Long live ‘Beans’ Lonergan!
Who has the worst name: Brodie Moles, Chris Kangars, Liam Bedford, Adam Donohue or Jeremy Laidler?
- Tee
Brodie Moles, without doubt. He’s got the double threat; the wanky, faux-trendy, new-ageism of Brodie and the dirty sounding, no escaping it, Moles. But you’re right, it’s an interesting mix. Adam Donohue sounds like a 70’s pop singer, Chris Kangars sounds like a Footrot Flats character, Liam Bedford sounds like that kid you went to school with who had no mates and ate weird sandwiches and Jeremy Laidler sounds like any number of B-grade Australian actors guest starring in this week’s Sea Patrol.
How did Brad Ottens get the name 'Sex Fingers'?
- Tee
Heard on fairly good authority that he fucks everything he touches.
Here's a question for you: since when did David Wojcinski become (according to Tim Lane) David Vujinski? I know he's injured but that question's been bothering me for months and I want answers. And while I'm on my soapbox, why the f uck did we start pronouncing Riewoldt as Rievoldt?? Last I looked we lived in an English-speaking country. They can say Rievoldt until the cows come home in Germany, but until they actually beat us in a war its pronunciation should remain the way the Queen intended it!
- Chris Jackson in Cairo
I think Tim Lane has appointed himself as the ‘educated, moral voice’ of the commentary box, only he confuses ‘being educated’ with ‘making stuff up to sound educated’. By the way, this question won this week’s “WWII reference that made Mrs Watson and I laugh out loud” award.
Why is David Johnson called "dog"?
- BTO
As Tee pointed out, ‘Dog’ Johnson would be referring to the Steve variety, not the David. I think I overheard someone in the outer calling him a dog early in his career and just thought ‘Dog Johnson’ was an awesome name; kinda like Don Johnson, only with less homose xual undertones.
Why are all the fans in the Doug Wade Stand complete bogans?
- BTO
Firstly, what is the Doug Wade stand? They changed the names a few years ago and I haven’t caught on. Since my childhood the KP attendance options for me have been the outer, or Hickey stand seats if the Old Man got lucky at the track that week. Everything else in between was, and still is, completely unknown to me. Why are there so many bogans there? Simple; the downfall of Beaumont’s Pies. For years that joint was the backbone of Geelong, providing employment, town pride, a sense of identity, and not to mention some bloody first class pies! Australia’s no.1 pie 3 years running! And what do they do? Sell up and change the recipe! Rubbish! This country’s stuffed! No wonder we can’t win any bloody gold medals. Geelong’s social and economic regression is directly linked to those spheres of pure pastry goodness. Shame on whoever bought/changed Beaumont’s. What will Mrs Watson throw at Shannon Byrnes when he’s playing for Richmond next year?!?
How about the Olympics - what's your best performance? For mine it has been the women's beach volleyball team from Georgia - just for turning up. Awesome team, not bad volleyballers either.
- Anon
Not interested in the Olympics. Table tennis, really, there’s a gold medal for table tennis? As a general rule, anything that can be done in your garage is not an Olympic event. Actually, I am interested in the 100m sprint. They should reduce the event to this only; a 4 hour opening ceremony, a 10 second event and a four hour closing ceremony. All over with in time to show a LIVE football game.
As a "Where Are They Now" type question, what's Marty up to these days?
- Daryl Cotton
He’s got a new gig doing Channel Ten’s weather. (For Mrs Watson’s sake, youtube Marty Monster fighting a boxing kangaroo. After a while Marty starts to take it personally and really goes after him.)
Can the Cats find suitable replacements for Scarlett, Harley, Milburn, Mooney and perhaps Ottens in the next 2-3 years?
- Fustercluck
With Blake, West, Mumford and Simpson, The Cats ruck stocks look really strong. I particularly like Trent West, even though he is the smallest of the bunch, as his skills are excellent and he could even be played forward if needed. Hopefully Hatchet can fill a Key forward spot sooner rather than later, and we drafted about 4 other key position guys last year who are at various stages of their development. The big question, regarding replacing Scarlett, Harley and Milburn however can be addressed as such…
Matthew Egan, are we ever gonna see his face again?
- Tee
Oooh, the million dollar question. I think a lot of media forget that we are actually missing Egan, the ah, *ahem* All-Australian centre half back. However, to paraphrase Mrs Watson, stick a fork in him. Mrs W called a long while back that we won’t see him again. Here’s hoping he’s wrong.
Should the young Cats on the selection fringe forget about the caring, sharing assist driven forward stuff and get the eyes focussed on the goals? If Hatchet had of been a little greedier earlier on might he have gotten Nablett's spot instead of Lonergan? To Gamble's credit, he seems to hate giving goals away if he can avoid it.
- Fustercluck
I like the sharing around, and with The Cats skills being so good, it’s worth it to hit up a spot where even Monty couldn’t miss. I also reckon it breeds a good atmosphere within the team; everyone knowing that if they work for position they’ll get the ball. It can go a bit far at times and look like lairising, but I’m all for it. Hatchet, however, is another story. He just doesn’t have the skills yet which is why he might be better off trying to have a shot anywhere within 50.
Could we spend out $70 "Salary Cap" on having the fence that Robert Walls sits on every Saturday night electrified?
- Fustercluck
Can we just get all the major networks to agree to employ Brayshaw, Brian Taylor and Garry Lyon to call every AFL game, plus to never, ever hire David Schwarz?
I have a great question Captain... Do you think Shannon Byrnes reads this blog? Do you think he was trying to silence his critics tonight?
- Tee
I certainly hope not, ‘cos there’s no way in Hell I’m outrunning the little guinea pig. He’s making his late run for the finals again, isn’t he? Credit where credit is due, that was probably the best game I’ve seen him play, but if he plays finals I’m coming calling for that $70, and believe me, that will go a long way with my friends in low places. Maybe someone needs to drop a link to Travis Varcoe, because he’s getting an awful amount of negative attention at the moment…
Has Travis Varcoe ever gotten his own footy?
- Chris Jackson in Wazirista
Is it just me, but does Travis Varcoe get into the side for tackles only?
- BTO
Is it possible that Travis Varcoe is only quick in a straight line? Have a closer look when next you see him in action. It's no point taking off like a Lamborghini if you have the turning circle of a Japanese whaling vessel.
- Fustercluck
The short answer to all three questions here is, ‘quite possibly’. The longer answer would be to say that he has improved and his role is probably primarily about forward line pressure and outside running but I prefer to leave it at ‘quite possibly’. He’s a mortal lock be dropped for the finals anyway. Poor Donald.
Is Brent Prismall the only right-footer in the AFL unable to kick on his left?
- Chris Jackson
I have noticed this too and think it’s a recent development; I’m sure I remember him using his left side with no trouble prior to his latest 5-6 match spurt. Perhaps the pressure of trying to keep his spot, and thus limit mistakes, has brought this about? It’s the only thing I can think of, well, either that, or he’s a right-sided Shannon Byrnes.
Sydney fans went nuts when the Swans kicked the first goal of the last quarter - their 8th of the match - to reduce the margin to 47 points. Are they that clueless?
- Chris Jackson
Yes.
Why does my front lawn have to wither and die while Australian companies grow rice in Queensland in operations that use more water in one year than the entire volume of Sydney harbour? Why do we grow our own rice when we can import it from Asia for about 1 cent a tonne?
- Chris Jackson
While rice farming does have its issues with effective water usage and best practises etc, without getting into the complexities of international trade negotiation, let me just say, regarding your front lawn, suck it up, princess.
What if Adam had been gay?
- Chris Jackson
Then he would have removed that rib for a very different reason.
Why did no kid have ADD 20 years ago?
-Chris Jackson
Chris, no-one was diagnosed with ADD prior to 1990 because it’s not a real condition. ADD is code-word for ‘lazy-parenting’. In the 1980’s and earlier, any child displaying what these days might be considered ADD-type symptoms were treated on the spot; with a swift wooden spoon (or in my case a plastic spatula) to the backside. And it worked quite well. It produced a generation of self-sufficient, productive individuals, like Ben Lexcen. He invented the winged keel. What has this generation given us? Moby-listening, Croc-wearing, neo-hippy-yuppy parents who don’t take responsibility for their own snot-nosed bundle of crap’s self-discipline. They blame sugar laden food, TV advertising, Playstation games and anything else that gives them an excuse to drop the little bastards at Mum’s house for the weekend so they can attend “Earthcore” to catch up with their “so-left-they’re-right” Academic asshole buddies and discuss how their generation is doing so much better than their parents’… Ah, let’s just move on before Andrew Bolt wants his column back.
A train is travelling southwards along a track at 70kph, while a train is travelling the northwards at 120kph on the same track. etc etc.
- Chris Jackson
You take the chicken across then come back for the corn, take the chicken back with you when you bring the corn, and take the fox and leave the chicken this time, now leave the fox with the corn and come back for the chicken.
posted by the captain at 7:31 pm
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