Two Down, or, Who Got Next?

Note: Before I begin, let me just say it’s a pleasure to be a Geelong supporter at the moment. And it’s not just the winning; it’s the way they’re playing. They are a machine and I don’t reckon there has ever been a better team to watch. As I said, an absolute pleasure at the moment.

The two biggest tests of the season, back-to-back, without our two most irreplaceable midfielders (I didn’t say best, necessarily, but most irreplaceable) finals like pressure (well the first half against the Dogs at least) and The Cats stood up in the best possible way. So, to paraphrase a certain loudmouth braggart from the future, who else wants some?

I get the feeling that both the Dogs and Hawks really set themselves to come after Geelong and were subsequently affected in negative, but albeit different, ways. The Dogs came in looking to test themselves against the best and came up a long way short, and after another 4th quarter fade out against freaking Carlton, I’d imagine their confidence has taken a beating. The Hawks, on the other hand, made a game of it but may have been looking ahead to the Geelong game last week when they lost to St. Kilda (who then lost to West Coast, hilarious!) and now have to back up against an angry Collingwood on Friday night.

The Cats sit two and half games clear with Richmond, Melbourne, Sydney, North Melbourne and West Coast to come; call me crazy, but I think we can pretty much stick a fork in top spot. And, despite their worries, it’s going to take something special for the Dogs and Hawthorn to fall out of spots 2 and 3, although in which order (however irrelevant that may be) is still up in the air. But who finishes in fourth place, otherwise known as “the round one finals fisting”?

The only thing I can tell you is that it’s going to be one almighty shit fight. Sydney is currently fourth and has a one game break on North in fifth position. Then come Collingwood, Adelaide, Brisbane and St. Kilda, all only 2 points behind. Richmond, in tenth place, is 2 points further back, but is a mortal lock to finish ninth. And, interestingly enough, the teams even further down the ladder seem to be the ones hitting some form; Carlton, Essendon and even Fremantle (to a certain extent). As I said, shit fight.

Looking at that list, are there any teams worth fearing? The obvious one is Collingwood, and people are always going to be worried because of Geelong’s last two games against them, but they have lost 4 of their last 6, including Essendon bending them over last week, and may not make the finals at all. Plus, Anthony Rocca is out for the remainder of the season, which hurts their structure, even if he doesn’t play all that well. And, thanks to Tee and his inside man, we now have the training/tapering theory that may go some way to explaining such a ‘down’ performance.

Sydney is limping their way to another finals series, which, considering how quickly teams fall off these days (Eagles, Port) is a remarkable feat, but with Barry Hall and his counselling, Nick Davis and his problems, and Adam Goodes seemingly trying to take the heads off as many AFL players as possible, Sydney is one incident away from a Dr Phil visit, or at least a sitcom, possibly titled, “Two and a half Dickheads”

Adelaide and Brisbane, after looking fairly good for a fair while, have fallen apart faster than the second half of ‘Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story’. And St. Kilda? Pffft. Those assholes couldn’t beat a bongo drum at a backyard 18th birthday in Byron Bay.

Regardless, Geelong has 5 weeks to rest and rotate players in an effort to find, and field, a fully fit, best 22 come September. To this end, the minor injuries The Cats are faced with now have come at an excellent time; important players have time to rest and recuperate and play before finals. Plus, the next tier of Geelong players are being exposed to high pressure, high stakes football (hats off David Johnson for his effort), so in the event of a finals injury (knocking all sorts of wood here), or another end of season prune, the VFL guys wouldn’t be coming in completely out of the cold, and failing miserably, a la Stuart Dew.

They also need to find a position for “To The” Max Rooke (sorry that was awful). The Cats have about 20 of those ‘best 22’ spots sewn up, with the remaining competition probably for a forward role and someone who can swing between wing and half-back, and while I think Max is probably in their best side (especially for finals) he hasn’t yet nailed down a position. Is there room for him and Wojack? For both Stokes and Varcoe? Gamble and Lonergan? Does Brent Prismall’s destiny lie on the Gold Coast? At least two of those players will have to make room eventually, and who knows, perhaps someone will pull a Shannon Byrnes and walk into the ’08 finals team at the right time, you know, as long it’s not actually ‘Monty’ himself.

Either way, there’s five weeks to figure it all out (and please, feel free to leave your suggestions for a best 22) so in the meantime, as someone once suggested to me, kick back Saturday night, murder a couple of tins and enjoy the show. Despite Richmond’s recent, decent form, (and Mrs Watson entertaining the thought of putting some money on them) do not be fooled; they were as loose as a Krakour brother after about 8 drinks against Brisbane and were let off the hook. If they pull that shit against Geelong it will be another smacking.

Let the good times roll.

Looking Ahead, or, Taking it Two Weeks at a Time

It’s no secret that opposition teams have been more physical with The Cats this season. They are being hunted and copping it, often illegally, almost every week, as teams search for a weakness, a way to compete. It doesn’t seem to put the Cats off their game, however; they continue to put their head over the ball, they rarely retaliate, they stay with the game-plan and they put their aggression on to the scoreboard; they have become a pure ball team, and invoking my inner Mike Sheahan, they can be breath-taking to watch.

Don’t get me wrong, The Cats are brave and strong and those aspects of their game are as good as anyone’s (did you see ‘Guns’ Mackie take down Pavlich? He’ll get the job on Buddy, by the way) but these roughhouse tactics have, this week, taken a toll and the blessed run with injury Geelong has had over the past 2 years (Matthew Egan not withstanding) has finally come to an end: Cameron Ling is expected to miss four weeks, Junior at least one, Kelly is no certainty to return and a few players (Enright, Rooke and Scarlett) looked a little “proppy” after the weekends match. How will this affects the Cats and how will they respond? There a number of issues that will come to the fore so let’s break these down in light of the coming games against The Bulldogs and Hawks, as well as the bigger picture.

First up, if James Kelly is fit, he’ll walk (limp) back into the team. He has established a nice spot for himself on the forward flank and will also rotate through the midfield. So there’s one. Next up, Brent Prismall is the obvious choice to step into the midfield spot. He had another 40+ possession game in the VFL and I think both we, the fans, and, importantly, the club, would like a definitive answer as to whether or not he can cut it as a top class AFL midfielder. And as Mrs Watson has said to me on numerous occasions, we’re not going to find that out by dropping him every second week. He needs an extended run in the seniors, against good opposition, playing in a position of responsibility. Well, that time has well and truly fucking arrived, Brent, so to summarize for you: opportunity; both hands; grasp. But how does Geelong cover the loss of the league’s no. 1 shut down man?

Interestingly enough, Neil Balme said on radio during the week that Geelong never sets out to “tag” someone, but it just so works out that that is how and when Ling plays his best football: Positive spin or nugget of truth? We’ll see. However, in the past, players such as Enright and Rooke have played “run-with” roles, and done them quite well. It all depends on who you tag; with the Bulldogs, Cooney is the obvious choice, but they may also look at Daniel Cross, the Dogs ‘inside’ midfielder. The Hawks have Mitchell and Hodge to be accounted for. Funnily enough, Jim Bartel has found probably his best form at a very important time. With Ablett out, he might have to shoulder the load with a couple of heavy tags in tow.

For what it’s worth, this week I’d start Mackie on Robert Murphy, Taylor on Brad Johnson (if Harley goes anywhere near him I’m fucking leaving – the game, the pub, the country – wherever I am) and probably Enright on Aker. If I wanted a midfield tagger I might ask Joel Corey or even Prismall to do a job. Next week, Mackie on Buddy will big the one, with Scarlett and Taylor waiting if needed. What’s important, however, is not necessarily how Prismall or Mackie, or anyone else performs, but how the team performs; I know, big statement, right?

These next two games could possibly decide the finishing position of The Cats (as well as the Dogs and Hawks) and thus who Geelong would meet in Round One of the finals. Assuming we go no lower than third, which is probable, if we finish either 2nd or 3rd we play the Dogs or Hawks again. Finish 1st and we get to smoke whoever limps into 4th. Geelong’s draw after these two tough games is pretty winnable all the way home so we have to show, not only these assholes, but anyone else, that even without two of our best, we’ve got it covered.

The Bulldogs present a different challenge from Hawthorn. With the Hawks it will be a battle of clashing styles with their zone flood and run. The Bulldogs, however, play a very similar style to Geelong, so it will come down to who can persist and execute under pressure. And for me, I just trust The Cats on this point, especially after the way The Bulldogs looked against Melbourne. We’ve heard about our depth all year, now it’s time to see it in action.

An Apology


In light of recent events, and the various pending legal actions, I realize that there are several things I need to apologize for.

On the weekend I directed an on-field sledge to my opponent which crossed the line. I’d like to point out that it is highly unlikely his Grandmother is inclined to perform the acts I suggested. It is also highly unlikely she is physically able to perform these acts considering her current incapacitated state, especially with a Staffordshire bull terrier. I’d like to apologize to my opponent, his Grandmother and ‘Rocko’, the family dog. I’m very disappointed in my actions and owe it the club, the supporters and myself to move on, starting with the big game on the weekend.

Later that night I was involved in an incident outside a City nite club. Alcohol was involved and I may have slightly over-indulged. I’d like to apologize to the establishment and bouncers, who were only doing their job. I’d like to apologize to my team-mates, especially the one I head-butted and to his fiancé, whom I groped whilst saying “I’d buy that for a dollar!” and then head-butted. It was a lapse of judgement and I’m looking forward to moving on, starting with the big game on the weekend.

On the way home, in a cab, I simultaneously vomited in the CD player and soiled myself before flinging my excrement at the driver while repeatedly yelling; “Tell me how my ass tastes!” I’d like to apologise to the “Top of Town” Taxi Company, the driver and to Carly Simon, whose greatest hits was playing at the time and subsequently ruined by my surprisingly accurate projectile vomit. I’d also like to apologize to Sarah and James from Mildura, whom I shared the cab ride with. I’m disappointed that I have left myself down and am looking forward to redeeming myself, and the club, starting with the big game on the weekend.

Over the past year I have used cocaine approximately 1800 times – or every 20 minutes, for 6 straight hours, every Saturday night. I would like to apologize for the accompanying wild swings in my moods, my form, my weight and my haircuts. I’d also like to apologize for the subsequent album I released during this period, titled “Snake Eyes & Chicken Skin”. I’d like to further extend apologies for my sex tape, which was leaked, and specifically to those who watched it: I was unaware that the camera angle resulted in nothing but 45 minutes of the underside of my scrotum. Again, I am extremely disappointed and am trying to look forward to the big game on the weekend.

I should also mention that my experience with drugs is not limited to cocaine. I once ate 3 tabs of acid and imagined my arms were made of glass – Darren Glass. I talked to Darren for the next 8 hours and found him to be a desperate man. I’d like to apologize to Darren Glass and his family as well as Sanchez & Scooter, the Mexican musical duet I scored the acid from and then later hallucinated were singing Lego men. I’d also like apologize to Belinda and Richard Taylor, whose wedding this occurred at and for trying to put the “Lego men” on their wedding cake. I’m also sorry to Sanchez & Scooter for ‘ruining their buzz’. Again, I’m looking forward to putting this behind me and am concentrating on the big game coming up this weekend.

In 1996, at a party in Kew, I insisted that Victoria Falls bordered Zimbabwe and Mozambique, when they actually border Zimbabwe and Zambia. I’d like to apologize to the party-goers for any misinformation I may have inadvertently provided and thus future embarrassment I may have caused. I’d also like to apologize to the good people of The Republic of Zambia and hope I can put this all behind me, starting with the big game on the weekend.

Once, in year 11, I watched the entire fourth season of MASH at a friend’s house, during which time I did 18 bong hits. I then strenuously argued that BJ Hunnicutt was a much better character than Trapper John, whom he replaced, before eating all of my friend’s mother’s Cruskits. I’d like to apologize to my friend, his mother, Arnott’s and Wayne Rogers, whose portrayal of Trapper John was obviously the far superior role.

Finally, I’d like to apologize to Steve Martin, for ripping off his ‘A Public Apology’ piece which he wrote for The New Yorker. I look forward to putting this all behind me, starting with next week’s blog.