Sunshine Through the Rain

With a late end to the cricketing summer, the lack of pre-season NAB Cup TV coverage and a drinking problem that’s inevitably spiralling out of control, this AFL season has snuck up on me faster than Liam Jurrah with an axe handle.

So, to recap, which of the following did NOT actually occur in the past month?
a) Geelong lost to Richmond at Kardinia Park
b) Adelaide won the pre-season cup
c) Ricky Nixon got arrested, again, after a naked, drunken domestic dispute
d) Ben Cousins got arrested, again, after smuggling drugs to/from rehab
e) Jim Stynes passed away
f) An old racist went on live TV and yelled at Garry Lyon for 40 minutes that he wasn’t racist
g) Mrs Watson ate an entire BBQ chicken in one sitting because IGA wouldn’t sell him a half chicken because “we don’t do that on Public Holidays”

Despite the press surrounding the above events (except the North Melbourne IGA public holiday/BBQ chicken policy, which was criminally ignored by the wider media) I watched about 40 minutes of preseason football this year. And it was pretty uninspiring. The Cats didn’t look like they really gave a crap, so it was hard for me to.

But every season it’s the same; the footy comes back and I feel underprepared, or underwhelmed. I think maybe this is the year that I take less of an interest, that I don’t mind if I miss a game or two, or that I use my winter weekends for things other than working out which pub we’re watching the game at.

Then the actual season starts and I realize that I’ll be in Yarram for a wedding this weekend, and not at the pub watching the Cats with Mrs Watson and PK Baxter. Instead of trading pints I’ll be trading txts; instead of urging Stokes to pick up his man I’ll be urged to pick-up by drunk groomsmen; instead of hearing the glorious trumpety theme song I’ll be hearing an over-the-hill cover band butcher “Eternal Flame” (I can’t lie, I’m a little excited about this one); and instead of inhaling a cheap schnitzel I’ll be politely enjoying a cheap schnitzel.

But not to worry: At this point I’m the cagey veteran who doesn’t need any preseason games. I know what I’m doing. Just roll me out in Round 2, plug me in and it’ll be like I’ve never left. Darren Milburn may have retired, but I haven’t.

(By the way, the correct answer to the quiz is g, but only because it occurred six weeks ago.)